Lessons Learned and Spiritual
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 " Beauty of Their Story"Do good and feel good poems
60 total reviews
Comment from Kaiku
Very nice entry to the writing prompt. The very young understand in a way only children can but then there is that period of time when peer pressure can cause youthful blunders. A nice reminder you have written. Kindness is for everyone.
  |
Very nice entry to the writing prompt. The very young understand in a way only children can but then there is that period of time when peer pressure can cause youthful blunders. A nice reminder you have written. Kindness is for everyone.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You have a very important message embedding with this contest entry. Thank you for sharing this with us. You need to shout this from mountain tops. I enjoyed reading and wish you luck with the contest.
I said you have no right to judge, these people you don't know (I am not a poet but am curious if 'you have no right to judge, these people you don't know' shouldn't be in quotation marks. There are places I'm wondering about quotation marks.)
|
You have a very important message embedding with this contest entry. Thank you for sharing this with us. You need to shout this from mountain tops. I enjoyed reading and wish you luck with the contest.
I said you have no right to judge, these people you don't know (I am not a poet but am curious if 'you have no right to judge, these people you don't know' shouldn't be in quotation marks. There are places I'm wondering about quotation marks.)
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
Comment from estory
I think your poem is very moving because you have all these detailed scenes of crippled kids in wheel chairs and homeless people clustered around in the snow at the bottom of the sledding hill; the contrasts with the dismissive bullies is really strong. Words to the wise here. estory
|
I think your poem is very moving because you have all these detailed scenes of crippled kids in wheel chairs and homeless people clustered around in the snow at the bottom of the sledding hill; the contrasts with the dismissive bullies is really strong. Words to the wise here. estory
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
Comment from Janet Foor
Thank you for sharing your thoughtful poem. It reminded that we should all practice the Golden Rule. "Do unto others as you would have them so unto you."
Sounds like you understand that perfectly.
Blessings
Janet
|
Thank you for sharing your thoughtful poem. It reminded that we should all practice the Golden Rule. "Do unto others as you would have them so unto you."
Sounds like you understand that perfectly.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is very well done and I can see that the meaning is very clear yet I wonder what their story is since you say learn what their story is I think you should tell us a little more about the little girl in the wheelchair or your mother who was frail. That way when your last lines which were perfect and say judge them not instead of listen to their story we will know about them and have compassion for them and learn through the eyes of the beholder.
Jesse
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
|
This is very well done and I can see that the meaning is very clear yet I wonder what their story is since you say learn what their story is I think you should tell us a little more about the little girl in the wheelchair or your mother who was frail. That way when your last lines which were perfect and say judge them not instead of listen to their story we will know about them and have compassion for them and learn through the eyes of the beholder.
Jesse
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
-
Hi Jesse, gosh I have missed you lately, but since you have not idea who I am, we will leave it at that. Lol... thanks for the awesome comments, and I wished I could have elaborated on some of these stories, but you see how long the poem already was and I had only three examples. Y'know what I mean? So the main theme here was to show the ugliness in things and show a way to make it beautiful in the eye of the beholder. And my feelings on that is no matter what the case was, it is not our place to judge. Maybe by learning more about them, you can understand them better. As far as my very young mother who passed away, one year before that time, she was doing cartwheels on the trampoline with the grandkids and was only in her 50s and was so beautiful, but was down to 50 some pounds and failed really fast at the end. She had pancreatic cancer, and they never last long with that one. ....... I hope you are walking and enjoying life. Please let me know how it is going. Take care and thanks my dear friend for the great review.
-
The point is well taken.
Comment from Sally Law
Beautifully penned and illustrated poem, mystery poetess, with a timely word within. I think we'd all be less judgemental if we walked in another's shoes.
Thank you for sharing and my very best to you in the Eye of the Beholder Contest.
Blessings to you always,
Sally Law :)) XOs
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
|
Beautifully penned and illustrated poem, mystery poetess, with a timely word within. I think we'd all be less judgemental if we walked in another's shoes.
Thank you for sharing and my very best to you in the Eye of the Beholder Contest.
Blessings to you always,
Sally Law :)) XOs
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
-
Awe thank you Sally. I appreciate your kind review' My granddaughter did the eye art and after you find out who I am, I will offer you some of her latest for your private eye detective stories.
-
You are most welcome. My pleasure as always. How kind to share such beautiful artwork. Too sweet! XOs
Comment from Ricky1024
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky 1024
|
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
This really rings true! I had a similar experience when working with patients with cerebral palsy. The regular rhyming scheme helps to drive the poem forward.
|
This really rings true! I had a similar experience when working with patients with cerebral palsy. The regular rhyming scheme helps to drive the poem forward.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
Comment from jaded831
Great lesson and entree, I have been in a wheelchair for five years now and can really relate to your poem. People can be cruel. The picture is perfect butterflies are a sign of transformation, and so many people need change.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
|
Great lesson and entree, I have been in a wheelchair for five years now and can really relate to your poem. People can be cruel. The picture is perfect butterflies are a sign of transformation, and so many people need change.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
-
I have been in one for 16 years and this last summer I had two surgeries, one on each leg where they replaced both knees and attached to walk on my own, plus two new knees. Plus they also straightened them because my
Legs looked like the letterX. I have lupus and it is still really hard to get around but after 6 months of therapy l am better and somewhat work, not the best, but my body might be rejecting the hardware
Would love to hear.your story too. There is a contest coming up tomorrow about your surgeries and í still have l to write mine. Thanks for the great review
{
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Generally people are compassionate and caring of others, I see acts of kindness on my daily journey about town and these instances you mention are rare and it is usually kids who behave this way. People do, however, judge others, wrongly or rightly and often their judgement is misinformed. I think a positive outlook on life is really important and we judge too harshly when we think the general public are not compassionate.
Your poem started off with great metre, but as it continues, the metre is lost in places and could do with some adjustment.
We all see beauty in different things and even what appears to be ugly at first can exude its own beauty, For me, beauty is what lies in the soul of a person, that beauty is unseen with the naked eye and it is warmth you feel when you are near someone who is beautiful on the inside. Too many show their ugliness in their actions these days and others are left hurt by their words and deeds.
I wish you luck with the contest.
Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
|
Generally people are compassionate and caring of others, I see acts of kindness on my daily journey about town and these instances you mention are rare and it is usually kids who behave this way. People do, however, judge others, wrongly or rightly and often their judgement is misinformed. I think a positive outlook on life is really important and we judge too harshly when we think the general public are not compassionate.
Your poem started off with great metre, but as it continues, the metre is lost in places and could do with some adjustment.
We all see beauty in different things and even what appears to be ugly at first can exude its own beauty, For me, beauty is what lies in the soul of a person, that beauty is unseen with the naked eye and it is warmth you feel when you are near someone who is beautiful on the inside. Too many show their ugliness in their actions these days and others are left hurt by their words and deeds.
I wish you luck with the contest.
Love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
-
Dolly, l try to look at almost everything and find bright spots . I too believe that people are mostly kind, but this contest } was to name things we have seen what is ugly find how it can be looked at differently.
Thanks for your feedback, as I always find that valuable, - there are places in my meter that are off and on this poem, has been a problem, I have
Been very ill and its been I hard to keep up, but I admit I like
' sitting under you in the rankings and you deserve that spot!,
Thanks for reading and reviewing my poem.
-
I read my poem over to see what adjustments could be made, as I worked for hours to get it just right. The only ones I think might be off are the last two lines, so could you tell me which lines need work? Thanks so much?
I am assuming this is written in iambic metre? Stress on every second syllable?
Your poem needs a little tweaking to bring it into metre:
The word Bullies has the stress on the first syllable in line 12.
Line 16 - suggestion to get the metre to flow:
(So) look at that old lady, looks like she?s wasting away
Line 17 - metre interrupted in the middle of this line?
My GRANDma?s DYing of CANcer . . . . .
and line
Line 19 metre interrupted
Why DO PEOple . . . .
Line 20 - suggestion for the metre
No caring or compassion, (and) their sense of values sink
Line 22 - suggestion for the metre
(But) you could make a difference; offer help in some small way
Line 23 - typo
When you see (some) one in need, don?t give them a cold shoulder
Line 24 - suggestion for the metre
(so) learn the beauty in their story . . . .
I hope this helps you, check out iambic metre on the internet and use this site to check where the stress is on a word:
https://www.howmanysyllables.com/syllables/trial
Best of luck, love Dolly x
-
Hello Debi,
I did not know you were the author of this poem. I am sorry to hear you have been ill and I sincerely hope you get better soon. I hope my advice on the metre helped you. If ever need any help or assistance, don?t hesitate to message me privately, take care of yourself, love Dolly x
-
Thank you Dolly for your kind words. Lol, my body's stress syllables are causing me problems too. 😉 Actually my Lupus is flaring a lot and causing stress to my already bad stage 4 kidney disease and my chronic anemia, which can drop so fast that it is extremely dangerous. Now we found out that it is possible that the hardware they put in my legs during my surgeries to help me walk again, my lupus may be telling my body to reject them. It is so hard to concentrate with so much pain, fevers and fatigue, but it means so much to me to keep up here, so bless you for helping me! .......I thought I knew enough about meter but I see that I do not.. The weird part about this, I had some of those words in some of those lines, but took them out to keep my syllable count closer. For instance on line 16, I had this; Just look at that old lady. Then I took it out. Can 'just' work in there as well as 'so?' Also line 12, I have bullies as the first word, so can I use the word, 'mean' bullies? I know how busy you are, but would you mind reading my poem over again to see if it looks better, since I made those changes?
I appreciate your kind help Dolly and I will check out both web sites.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. Oh, and since this is a blind contest, please don't tell anyone it is me. (Hugs)
-
I am sorry to hear about all your health issues, you poor thing.
I re-read your poem and I have the following suggestions for these lines:
So look at that old lady, looks like she might waste away
My Grandma?s cancer worsens, and she was so beautiful
My son said, she can hear you, she (is) not delusional
But you could make a (diff?rence); offer help in some small way
When you see some one (needy), don?t give them a cold shoulder
The rest of your poem reads in perfect metre now and I wish you luck with the contest.
Love Dolly x