Go Away Please
An unwelcome guest50 total reviews
Comment from LisaMay
We don't have skunks in New Zealand so I didn't for a moment guess one was the intruder - therefore the surprise ending had maximum impact. You sneakily led the reader to believe it was an armed human, not a loaded stink-bomb animal.
I enjoyed the humorous touches about your sleepy husband as your protector.
I suggest the cats' fur is on end, rather than hair.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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We don't have skunks in New Zealand so I didn't for a moment guess one was the intruder - therefore the surprise ending had maximum impact. You sneakily led the reader to believe it was an armed human, not a loaded stink-bomb animal.
I enjoyed the humorous touches about your sleepy husband as your protector.
I suggest the cats' fur is on end, rather than hair.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you. I think either hair or fur is correct for cats. You often here people say they have cat hair on their couch. Fur on the couch would sound strange. Thanks for the tip, though. I will think about it. Hugs
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Yes, you are right. I have plenty of cat hair on my own couch!
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
Oh, what a wonderful twist! That was totally unexpected. I thought we were going to be getting a bloody ending. Great picture, too.
Some small thing popping into your head is exactly how I write my best stuff.
Best of luck in the contest. This will get my vote.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Oh, what a wonderful twist! That was totally unexpected. I thought we were going to be getting a bloody ending. Great picture, too.
Some small thing popping into your head is exactly how I write my best stuff.
Best of luck in the contest. This will get my vote.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you. I love to write funny stuff with surprise endings. Trouble is my muse doesn't come up with them too often. LOl Hugs
Comment from Fleedleflump
I love this - you do a great job of disguising the twist reveal that it's a skunk rather than an armed human intruder. Love the feline witnesses. This has a lovely, natural flow to it. I very much enjoyed the read.
Mike
One tiny spag note as I was reading:
'The noise came from the kitchen so I went there first.' - as the story's in present tense, 'went' should ne 'go'
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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I love this - you do a great job of disguising the twist reveal that it's a skunk rather than an armed human intruder. Love the feline witnesses. This has a lovely, natural flow to it. I very much enjoyed the read.
Mike
One tiny spag note as I was reading:
'The noise came from the kitchen so I went there first.' - as the story's in present tense, 'went' should ne 'go'
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you for reading and pointing out my spag. I will edit and correct. Glad you enjoyed the story. Hugs.
Comment from lyenochka
Lol!! Well told! You kept us in suspense all the way to the end. I kept thinking the intruder was a raccoon, a bear, or coyote - something like that. It's good that your cats didn't tangle with the skunk!
Hope you do well in the contest!!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Lol!! Well told! You kept us in suspense all the way to the end. I kept thinking the intruder was a raccoon, a bear, or coyote - something like that. It's good that your cats didn't tangle with the skunk!
Hope you do well in the contest!!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you. Most cats won't tangle with a skunk. The way I tell it in the story is probably how cats would react if a skunk got in the house. Hugs.
Comment from Paul McFarland
That was probably a good idea of checking out the noise yourself. Your husband would not have handled that situation very well, and he would not have been very well received at work.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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That was probably a good idea of checking out the noise yourself. Your husband would not have handled that situation very well, and he would not have been very well received at work.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you. This is fiction so it didn't actually happen, thank God. My husband had a habit of leaving the door open a crack for the cats, though. I guess it could have happened. Hugs
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is a perfect entry for the prompt, PBB. I enjoyed
reading it. You gave great details about the unwelcome
intruder. I thought at first it might be a snake--yikes.
However, the skunk was the best choice for the reason you
stated. Your picture worked well, your words were well thought
out, and you story had smooth flow.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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This is a perfect entry for the prompt, PBB. I enjoyed
reading it. You gave great details about the unwelcome
intruder. I thought at first it might be a snake--yikes.
However, the skunk was the best choice for the reason you
stated. Your picture worked well, your words were well thought
out, and you story had smooth flow.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you. I thought about using a snake first then decided skunk would be better and I could do more with it. Glad you enjoyed the story. Hugs
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Comment from Carolyn Dooley
Thankfully, it was not a human. My husband did the same thing to me. One night we had a real intruder. My son happened to be at our house, he went to the door. He is six-foot tall, and looks like a foot ball quarter back. When the guy looked at my son, the much smaller guy backed away from my son. The kid was drunk wearing one shoe. He had opened a window on our front sun porch and got hung up in an antique cast iron pot. My son walked him down the street, he had come to the wrong house. He was two houses away from his destination. Thank you
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thankfully, it was not a human. My husband did the same thing to me. One night we had a real intruder. My son happened to be at our house, he went to the door. He is six-foot tall, and looks like a foot ball quarter back. When the guy looked at my son, the much smaller guy backed away from my son. The kid was drunk wearing one shoe. He had opened a window on our front sun porch and got hung up in an antique cast iron pot. My son walked him down the street, he had come to the wrong house. He was two houses away from his destination. Thank you
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you. My, that was quite the situation you had at your house. I'm glad your son was there and no one got hurt. A skunk could do a lot of damage if it decided to. Hugs.
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Yes, I agree. You are welcome.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
This was a funny story and the ending is so funny when you are reviewing who is the unwanted guest "I slam the door shut and lock it. It takes a few minutes for my heart rate to return to normal. If I even could, it would have taken days to get the odor out of the house. It was a close call for the cats and me. A skunk is never a welcome visitor." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest, I think you have a good entry.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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This was a funny story and the ending is so funny when you are reviewing who is the unwanted guest "I slam the door shut and lock it. It takes a few minutes for my heart rate to return to normal. If I even could, it would have taken days to get the odor out of the house. It was a close call for the cats and me. A skunk is never a welcome visitor." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest, I think you have a good entry.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you. I love to write funny stories with a twist. My muse doesn't always cooperate and send me a good one. I'm glad you like the story. Hugs
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written story that had me going until the very end! Great job. You used very good descriptive words and adorable imagery. Of all things who would have though the visitor was a skunk? lol. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
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reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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This is a very well written story that had me going until the very end! Great job. You used very good descriptive words and adorable imagery. Of all things who would have though the visitor was a skunk? lol. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you. I enjoyed writing the story. In real life I let my dog ou to go the the bathroom and she tangled with a skunk. It was bad. Hugs
Comment from jessizero
This was a great story! That twist ending really paid off. Your intruder was a skunk! That could have ended badly. Thank you for sharing this, and best wishes to you.
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reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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This was a great story! That twist ending really paid off. Your intruder was a skunk! That could have ended badly. Thank you for sharing this, and best wishes to you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you. I love to write funny stories with weird endings. It is so much fun.
