Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Betrayal Chapter 26"In the title.
43 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
i thought this a fine chapter. the description of the heat on arrival reminded me of my arrival in Singapore.
Great descriptions of the house and garden. Before I read the list of characters I had come to the conclusion, from her name that Latifah was dark-skinned. I wasn't sure about peter but given your question I believe you could avoid the thorny subject altogether here, because 'He had an easy smile that lit up his dark brown eyes' made me wonder if Peter was dark skinned. Had you written 'His tanned face had an easy smile that lit up his pale blue eyes,' you might not have needed the racial identification in the list of characters.
'She still had faint bruising, a constant reminder of Colin's barbarity.' - I might have said 'a continued reminder' as 'constant' implies a permanence that would be inaccurate because the bruising will eventually disappear.
'...she was impressed by the stunning colours of varying blues and turquoises.' - I think I might have used 'shades' rather than colours and re-ordered it to read: 'She was impressed by the varying shades of stunning blues and turquoises.'
'His father was my grandfather's chauffeur, and Peter took over from him when his father retired.' - I think there are only two generations of Peter's family here but this made it look as though there were three.
I hope this helps.
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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021
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i thought this a fine chapter. the description of the heat on arrival reminded me of my arrival in Singapore.
Great descriptions of the house and garden. Before I read the list of characters I had come to the conclusion, from her name that Latifah was dark-skinned. I wasn't sure about peter but given your question I believe you could avoid the thorny subject altogether here, because 'He had an easy smile that lit up his dark brown eyes' made me wonder if Peter was dark skinned. Had you written 'His tanned face had an easy smile that lit up his pale blue eyes,' you might not have needed the racial identification in the list of characters.
'She still had faint bruising, a constant reminder of Colin's barbarity.' - I might have said 'a continued reminder' as 'constant' implies a permanence that would be inaccurate because the bruising will eventually disappear.
'...she was impressed by the stunning colours of varying blues and turquoises.' - I think I might have used 'shades' rather than colours and re-ordered it to read: 'She was impressed by the varying shades of stunning blues and turquoises.'
'His father was my grandfather's chauffeur, and Peter took over from him when his father retired.' - I think there are only two generations of Peter's family here but this made it look as though there were three.
I hope this helps.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021
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Thank you, Jim, for your helpful review. I've made a few changes and taken your suggestions. They were excellent. And I've sorted Peter out. My dad and younger sister both had brown eyes, mine are a bit of anything, indescribable! My mum and two brothers all had blue eyes. :)) Thanks again, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from BethShelby
This sounds like the perfect get-away. You described it so well, it makes me want to go back to the Bahamas. I was surprised when Tonya said "Oh! But I thought we were going somewhere closer ... Spain or ... or Greece. Not the Bahamas!' It just a short hop to the Bahamas from Florida but then I remembered, this is in Europe. I look forward to more.
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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021
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This sounds like the perfect get-away. You described it so well, it makes me want to go back to the Bahamas. I was surprised when Tonya said "Oh! But I thought we were going somewhere closer ... Spain or ... or Greece. Not the Bahamas!' It just a short hop to the Bahamas from Florida but then I remembered, this is in Europe. I look forward to more.
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Comment Written 21-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021
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You are so lucky living so close. We are going on a cruise in April 2022 to the Bahamas, and we're really looking forward to it. We fly out from London and pick up our cruise ship, cruise around the islands for 9 days, then cruise home to Southampton, where we live. Can't wait! The virus had better be in control by then. Thank you so much, Beth, for this lovely review. I really appreciate you. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Begin Again
Ta+nia stared a typo
Good morning! I couldn't wait for this to pop up in my messages. What a way with words - I felt like I was right there with them, enjoying the island and the warmth between the friends. Of course, I love the way Tania recognizes the other side of Grant. Of course, she'd want to share all of it with Monica. Just a beautiful way to start out a Sunday morning here in the U.S.A. Smiles to you, my friend.
I love the story and I love taking a journey to the islands. Water, water, water everywhere. Smiles!
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021
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Ta+nia stared a typo
Good morning! I couldn't wait for this to pop up in my messages. What a way with words - I felt like I was right there with them, enjoying the island and the warmth between the friends. Of course, I love the way Tania recognizes the other side of Grant. Of course, she'd want to share all of it with Monica. Just a beautiful way to start out a Sunday morning here in the U.S.A. Smiles to you, my friend.
I love the story and I love taking a journey to the islands. Water, water, water everywhere. Smiles!
Comment Written 21-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for pointing out that +sign in the middle of Tania. I tell you, Carol, my laptop has a mind of its own, I have to watch it so carefully. LOL!!! I'm glad you were my first review so I could correct it straight away. :))
Now for the rest of your review, it's another humongous THANK YOU, for another lovely review and the golden sixth star. You're wonderful!!
We are going on a cruise to the Bahamas next year, April 2022, so I'll be looking Grant and Tania up if they're still there!! lol. It will be nice to actually get some sun. It's hit and miss in the UK.
Thank you again, my friend, I really love your reviews. Warm hugs, and have a lovely week. :) Sandra xx
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Oh, how wonderful for you! Hopefully, all this dreadful Covid will be forgotten, and life will be back to enjoying. Ugh! I have to wait a week?!!?! Besides waiting impatiently for your post this morning, I also was greeted with a new ranking - I almost fainted. What a lovely surprise. It must be a great day! Smiles and hugs
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I see you are now #3 ranking in short strories. You deserve it. I'm so pleased for you. Are you posting any today?
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I started out a short and well- I think it's going to be a long one instead. I like to finish the story before I start posting because I change directions too often. lol I was just sitting here wondering what flash I could write for today.
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I am always about four parts ahead, just in case I need to change something. Which does happen! lol.
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Working on it! Smiles!