Mr. Windows
Linda can not stop playing a game on her lap top.37 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
Some great humour in this! An underlying truth, too. It's easy to become addicted to these electronic devices. Shooting the laptop was an unexpected twist at the end and a perfect solution to the problem. I often feel like doing the same with our TV that my dear wife likes leaving on as background when she's doing something else.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Some great humour in this! An underlying truth, too. It's easy to become addicted to these electronic devices. Shooting the laptop was an unexpected twist at the end and a perfect solution to the problem. I often feel like doing the same with our TV that my dear wife likes leaving on as background when she's doing something else.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Thank You!
Comment from Gail Denham
Cute - I giggled at the end. For sure some are addicted to those games - I like some of them too - but the way our grandkids are addicted causes concern. They're tied to their machines.
And it stuns me to see a group of young people sit at a table and each of them texting someone - nobody visiting. What ?
Anyway - very good for the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Cute - I giggled at the end. For sure some are addicted to those games - I like some of them too - but the way our grandkids are addicted causes concern. They're tied to their machines.
And it stuns me to see a group of young people sit at a table and each of them texting someone - nobody visiting. What ?
Anyway - very good for the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Thank You!
Comment from Sylvia Page
Gunner, this dialogue is quite an entry in the contest. So Bruce shot his rival and killed him? Windows and games can be quite addictive especially with young children. The artwork showing the windows is great. Imagery stands out.
Best wishes in the contest
Sylvia
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Gunner, this dialogue is quite an entry in the contest. So Bruce shot his rival and killed him? Windows and games can be quite addictive especially with young children. The artwork showing the windows is great. Imagery stands out.
Best wishes in the contest
Sylvia
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Thank You!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written dialogue only flash fiction. Our lives are so mixed up the last few years, the electronic devices that we seem to get attached to, become often a problem in relationships, that is sad.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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A very well-written dialogue only flash fiction. Our lives are so mixed up the last few years, the electronic devices that we seem to get attached to, become often a problem in relationships, that is sad.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Michele Harber
I just entered this contest myself and, after reading this, I'm wondering why. This is very well written and very believable (at least to someone like me, who's on FanStory at all hours), and you totally strung me along when you introduced the gun. That he shot the computer, and not his wife, was a very satisfying ending. I love that the couple has a relationship that so easily endures the dialogue and events of the story, and ending with a discussion of breakfast was an even bigger twist than his shooting the computer. Also, I got a kick out of his saying that the one he sleeps next to is "empty pillow." That was a nicely tossed-in comic interlude.
Just one quick proofing point: where you said, "Leave me alone with my lap top. It dose everything," you meant "It does everything." Other than that, very nicely done.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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I just entered this contest myself and, after reading this, I'm wondering why. This is very well written and very believable (at least to someone like me, who's on FanStory at all hours), and you totally strung me along when you introduced the gun. That he shot the computer, and not his wife, was a very satisfying ending. I love that the couple has a relationship that so easily endures the dialogue and events of the story, and ending with a discussion of breakfast was an even bigger twist than his shooting the computer. Also, I got a kick out of his saying that the one he sleeps next to is "empty pillow." That was a nicely tossed-in comic interlude.
Just one quick proofing point: where you said, "Leave me alone with my lap top. It dose everything," you meant "It does everything." Other than that, very nicely done.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Good catch! Did edit. I hope my head can fit through my office door!!
It's all fun. Gook Luck.
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I'm glad I was able to help. When (not if) I do lose to you, there will be no hard feelings in losing to someone whose work I enjoyed more than my own.
Comment from humpwhistle
Well, that's one way to settle a marital dispute.
How do you want your eggs, sir?
Best of luck with the Committee.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Well, that's one way to settle a marital dispute.
How do you want your eggs, sir?
Best of luck with the Committee.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Over easy!
Thanks again.
Comment from jusylee72
Dose change to does.
In the fifties, a rod. I think it might need a comma.
Two small things I noticed. I did enjoy this. As a teacher who hates phones, especially with games, I have never thought of shooting one but I have thought of bringing in a scrambler to make them all not work. We are definitely too connected to the phones and internet these days. My husband and I love games but we have found doing old fashioned crossword puzzles are entertaining to us and I don't care if it makes us look old.
Good, realistic dialogue. Thank you and enjoyed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Dose change to does.
In the fifties, a rod. I think it might need a comma.
Two small things I noticed. I did enjoy this. As a teacher who hates phones, especially with games, I have never thought of shooting one but I have thought of bringing in a scrambler to make them all not work. We are definitely too connected to the phones and internet these days. My husband and I love games but we have found doing old fashioned crossword puzzles are entertaining to us and I don't care if it makes us look old.
Good, realistic dialogue. Thank you and enjoyed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Thank you!