Love Long Distance
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "God Willing - Chapter 3"A Wartime Romance
36 total reviews
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a very well-written, very interesting start to finish. Your great word choice brings the characters to life, lets the reader feel their love. The little facts you added made it feel real, authentic. Great job.
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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This is a very well-written, very interesting start to finish. Your great word choice brings the characters to life, lets the reader feel their love. The little facts you added made it feel real, authentic. Great job.
Comment Written 21-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review Chapter 3 of Love Long Distance. So glad you found it well-written and interesting. That you could feel the love through the words is awesome! To know that the emotions can be felt is very important and means a great deal to us. We hope you continue to follow along. Chapter 3 is coming soon!
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Cathy!
A well-executed chapter - one that clearly is a reflection of the decade during which it is/was written. The intermingling of what is going on in the larger context of society adds to the authenticity of your story.
But...CATHY!!!!! TWELVE CHILDREN???? Holy Toledo!!!! :) Talk about ambitious!
Your story is well-balanced and flows well.
Thank you so much for sharing. Looking forward to the next installment!
diane
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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Hello Cathy!
A well-executed chapter - one that clearly is a reflection of the decade during which it is/was written. The intermingling of what is going on in the larger context of society adds to the authenticity of your story.
But...CATHY!!!!! TWELVE CHILDREN???? Holy Toledo!!!! :) Talk about ambitious!
Your story is well-balanced and flows well.
Thank you so much for sharing. Looking forward to the next installment!
diane
Comment Written 21-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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Hi Diane! So glad you could stop by to read and review Chapter 3 of Love Long Distance. Thank you! Your comments about the twelve children was funny. :) Really appreciate your comments and time and we are happy you will be following along. Chapter 4 is coming soon so stay tuned!
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from A.J. Dodd (AD)
Hi there,
it appears this letter writing is a running theme, interesting concept. I think the co-authorship is working in your favour too. The two characters have a distinct voice, but they also share certain traits. Whether that's because you are writing one side each, or you're writing each part together, it's working. So certainly keep that up.
However, some consistent problems made this a slightly tiring read. It is quite rare that two independent clauses separated by "and" or "but" don't need a comma to split them.
I'm not entirely sure I caught all of them to be honest, but I noted as many as I could. You had a few sentences that were an exception, and some sentences where a comma was misused. I have been told by some that this can be an American English vs British English thing. I don't believe that to be true, but your choice if you take it or leave it.
there are some other suggestions as well, some felt necessary others were more minor niggles. feel free to take or disregard any comment I (or any other reviewer for that matter) make based on your own judgement. Comments are in the order I read them in your piece.
first para - "I'm glad you are settled in(comma) and I really like how you shared all the details of what it's like there."
you can start a new paragraph from "I can picture you sitting..."
I'd reconsider the repetition of "under those branches" - here - "And how many kisses did you steal from me under those branches?"
second para - "I may even let you have your way with me next time(comma) and I don't mean just kisses.
("Promises, promises," I can hear you say!) - omit can
para 3 - "She has to stay off her feet and take it easy a little while longer, but feels much better." - no comma after longer. or pronoun after but.
Para four. Last sentence, would suggest making it two. "...beautiful mountain man(period) She isn't surprised..."
next para (losing track of number as I read now) I say my prayers every morning, noon and night for your safety(comma or period without "and") and God sure must know how much I love and need you." - or two separate sentences.
"Well, it was amazing when he did knock him out, and in only 7 rounds, not 8!" The repetition of "knock him out" is unnecessary
"and there was a chill to the air?" minor - but "in the air" is more common.
"I was so cold and you were, too, " remove first comma.
"Now you know why (comma) and I'm so glad I kept it."
The P.S part made me smile, good call back to the Beatles story line from last chapter, more impactful than the one that came earlier in my opinion.
********
"with hopes of eventually leading a "Special Forces Elite Joint Services Team." - the quotations marks you open here are never closed.
"Once completing all of the training, I will get a 2 week leave to come home" Confused tense here - "after completing" or "once I've completed".
*******
"As our targets bounded from the ground, we fired until the barrels on our M-16 rifles almost melted down." this sentence is a little awkward, I'd consider flipping the two clauses for better flow.
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Revisited: yes, it reads better now.
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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Hi there,
it appears this letter writing is a running theme, interesting concept. I think the co-authorship is working in your favour too. The two characters have a distinct voice, but they also share certain traits. Whether that's because you are writing one side each, or you're writing each part together, it's working. So certainly keep that up.
However, some consistent problems made this a slightly tiring read. It is quite rare that two independent clauses separated by "and" or "but" don't need a comma to split them.
I'm not entirely sure I caught all of them to be honest, but I noted as many as I could. You had a few sentences that were an exception, and some sentences where a comma was misused. I have been told by some that this can be an American English vs British English thing. I don't believe that to be true, but your choice if you take it or leave it.
there are some other suggestions as well, some felt necessary others were more minor niggles. feel free to take or disregard any comment I (or any other reviewer for that matter) make based on your own judgement. Comments are in the order I read them in your piece.
first para - "I'm glad you are settled in(comma) and I really like how you shared all the details of what it's like there."
you can start a new paragraph from "I can picture you sitting..."
I'd reconsider the repetition of "under those branches" - here - "And how many kisses did you steal from me under those branches?"
second para - "I may even let you have your way with me next time(comma) and I don't mean just kisses.
("Promises, promises," I can hear you say!) - omit can
para 3 - "She has to stay off her feet and take it easy a little while longer, but feels much better." - no comma after longer. or pronoun after but.
Para four. Last sentence, would suggest making it two. "...beautiful mountain man(period) She isn't surprised..."
next para (losing track of number as I read now) I say my prayers every morning, noon and night for your safety(comma or period without "and") and God sure must know how much I love and need you." - or two separate sentences.
"Well, it was amazing when he did knock him out, and in only 7 rounds, not 8!" The repetition of "knock him out" is unnecessary
"and there was a chill to the air?" minor - but "in the air" is more common.
"I was so cold and you were, too, " remove first comma.
"Now you know why (comma) and I'm so glad I kept it."
The P.S part made me smile, good call back to the Beatles story line from last chapter, more impactful than the one that came earlier in my opinion.
********
"with hopes of eventually leading a "Special Forces Elite Joint Services Team." - the quotations marks you open here are never closed.
"Once completing all of the training, I will get a 2 week leave to come home" Confused tense here - "after completing" or "once I've completed".
*******
"As our targets bounded from the ground, we fired until the barrels on our M-16 rifles almost melted down." this sentence is a little awkward, I'd consider flipping the two clauses for better flow.
--
Revisited: yes, it reads better now.
Comment Written 21-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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Hi A.J.,
Thank you so much for reading Chapter 3 of Love Long Distance and for your detailed review. We really appreciate your help here and SALUTE you! We have made most of the changes you suggested and really hope you would consider rereading and giving us another star. :) Also, please come back for Chapter 4. It is in the works and coming soon.
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
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Iforgot that the site doesn't tell you when a review is updated - it reads better now, score was bumped to five.
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A BIG SALUTE to you! Thank you again for helping us. We both really appreciate it!
Comment from Alex Rosel
This is a great example of Epistolary fiction. You've established distinct voices for the respective correspondents, and their writing is authentic in tone for the setting. I didn't pick up on any spags :)
...we listened to the Heavyweight Championship fight between Champ Sonny Liston and "Louisville Lip" Cassias Clay on her Sony transistor radio. -- I love the detail, so effortlessly slipped in, and accurate :)
Keep it up. I look forward to reading more chapters.
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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This is a great example of Epistolary fiction. You've established distinct voices for the respective correspondents, and their writing is authentic in tone for the setting. I didn't pick up on any spags :)
...we listened to the Heavyweight Championship fight between Champ Sonny Liston and "Louisville Lip" Cassias Clay on her Sony transistor radio. -- I love the detail, so effortlessly slipped in, and accurate :)
Keep it up. I look forward to reading more chapters.
Comment Written 21-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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Hi Alex! So very happy you stopped by to read and review Chapter 3 of Love Long Distance. Thank You! Glad you enjoyed it and your comments are great! Had to ask Google Home what Epistolary fiction was. Hey, we learned something new! Thank you for that too! If you haven't already done so, be sure to read Chapter 1 and 2 and please come back for future chapters. We'd love to have you follow along. Chapter 4 is coming soon! :)
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from way2gokevs
Your story of love long distance, is well written with dots and comer's in the right place. Kept me involved, an't love grand-your story kept a great pace and at times was descriptive and left nothing to the imagination.
Well done and keep writing. Cheers, Kev
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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Your story of love long distance, is well written with dots and comer's in the right place. Kept me involved, an't love grand-your story kept a great pace and at times was descriptive and left nothing to the imagination.
Well done and keep writing. Cheers, Kev
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review this chapter. We are glad you enjoyed it and it kept you involved. Your comments are great and very much appreciated. Be sure to come back again. Chapter 4 is coming soon!
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What a lovely chapter in your book. I can understand how hard it is when lovers are apart, but the letters keep that special spark going. It's a long time ago that I heard Cassias Clay's original name. What a man! I love that these lovers still share poetry with each other, they enjoy the same poets that I do. There was lots in this part, and it was very well written. Well done, I enjoyed reading the letters from both of you. :)) Sandra xx
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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What a lovely chapter in your book. I can understand how hard it is when lovers are apart, but the letters keep that special spark going. It's a long time ago that I heard Cassias Clay's original name. What a man! I love that these lovers still share poetry with each other, they enjoy the same poets that I do. There was lots in this part, and it was very well written. Well done, I enjoyed reading the letters from both of you. :)) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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Hi Sandra! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing Chapter 3 of Love Long Distance. Thank yo so much for your detailed comments and kind words. We are so glad you are enjoying the letters. Chapter 4 will be coming soon! :))
God Bless,
Bill & Cathy