Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi, Tony,

Another well-written and well-paced chapter in your story. I found the action to flow well, but I wonder if you might want to put some dialogue in here. For instance, the chance for dialogue between the protagonist and the waiter would enhance the story and allow us to 'see' more of the action in the piece.

~MP~

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018

Thanks, Patty. I appreciate your comment about dialogue. I was beginning to think that some of my previous chapters had rather too much of it. However, you are probably right that this could do with a bit more of it in the cafe scene. I'll have another look. All the best, Tony

Comment from Mastery

Excellent

Hi, Tony. this is another fine installment to your book. I like the genuine feel ofit. france is a grat background and leaves open so many possibilities for imagery, doesn't it? Do you find yourself doing alot of research for this or did you live in France at one time?

I did notice that you had very little dialogue. as you know it is proven that dialogue moves a story forward. I also noted the use of the word "I" was forefront..

Suggestion: I suggest in some cases you can start the sentences by putting the action first before using the pronoun "I" For instance, "Using my umbrella, I shielded the box from the elements.

In any event good job, my friend. Bob

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018

Thanks, Bob. Some very useful comments here. I appreciate the one about dialogue. I was beginning to think that some of my previous chapters had rather too much of it. However, you are probably right that this could do with a bit more of it in the cafe scene. I'll have another look. Thanks, too, for the heads-up about the personal pronoun and your suggestions for varying the sentence structure.
I have visited France once or twice for short periods. Enough to get something of the flavour of the place. However, I'm having to do a fair bit of research for details to make the locale believable in this particular story.
All the best, Tony

reply by Mastery on 18-Oct-2018

Good job, Tony. Bob

Comment from estory

Excellent

I think your presentation of events in this chapter was very visual, and I could watch everything happening as if it were on TV. The undercurrent of suspense propped up the lulls in action, and then the action came in bursts, careening through the streets of Paris, knocking over cyclists and cutting off motorists, in pursuit of Helen, hustled into that Citroen. The stately descriptions of Paris keep that romantic undercurrent going as well. And Durand is behind it. I await your next chapter. estory

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 Comment Written 18-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018

Thanks, estory. I appreciate your comments about the balance between fast action and intervening lulls. I've not written a car chase before, and so am on unfamiliar ground. All the best, Tony