Haunted Even At Deathbed!
67-Word General Fiction. Said! Haunted at deathbed!54 total reviews
Comment from country ranch writer
Actions speak louder than words and if you are haunted by your wrongdoing it just may follow you to your grave so I suggest mend his ways while he still has time.
  |
Actions speak louder than words and if you are haunted by your wrongdoing it just may follow you to your grave so I suggest mend his ways while he still has time.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
Comment from Tpa
Beautiful writing. It makes one think of beyond and a majestic place awaits for us providing we earn it, like you wrote it does haunts us. our past, presence. Excellent job.
|
Beautiful writing. It makes one think of beyond and a majestic place awaits for us providing we earn it, like you wrote it does haunts us. our past, presence. Excellent job.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from Rickie1
Al
It seems a little to late for remorse for this soul. Soon that won't be a problem for and a good warning for those, with lots of life to live, to think about.
Rickie
|
Al
It seems a little to late for remorse for this soul. Soon that won't be a problem for and a good warning for those, with lots of life to live, to think about.
Rickie
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from Lady Jane
O man, how right you're! - is this supposed to read:
O(,) man, how right (you are)!
If so, there is one worded added above but in this next sentence one can be removed:
Whatever I give, take, speak or listen (it) haunts me. - you can remove the comma after 'listens' and the (it) from the sentence and maintain the 67 word count, but also have a clearer sentence I think :)
Hmm...there's a thought provoking short write, dear. YEs, I do think we all we pay big for things we didn't even realize we'd done, but luckily, He's a loving God so we'll also be richly blessed for all we've done right. Given, there are so many things we don't realize are 'right,' I think we'll come out ahead ...because He loves us. This was expressed well. Is this a contest penning? If not, you should enter it somewhere. Just a few nits, but it is well worth the time and review, for sure :) Thanks for sharing ...
Janelle
|
O man, how right you're! - is this supposed to read:
O(,) man, how right (you are)!
If so, there is one worded added above but in this next sentence one can be removed:
Whatever I give, take, speak or listen (it) haunts me. - you can remove the comma after 'listens' and the (it) from the sentence and maintain the 67 word count, but also have a clearer sentence I think :)
Hmm...there's a thought provoking short write, dear. YEs, I do think we all we pay big for things we didn't even realize we'd done, but luckily, He's a loving God so we'll also be richly blessed for all we've done right. Given, there are so many things we don't realize are 'right,' I think we'll come out ahead ...because He loves us. This was expressed well. Is this a contest penning? If not, you should enter it somewhere. Just a few nits, but it is well worth the time and review, for sure :) Thanks for sharing ...
Janelle
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, you certainly make statement and I do hope things will change so you won't be haunted in life and even after death.
O man, how right you're= ... you are.
All best. Ulla:)
|
Hi there, you certainly make statement and I do hope things will change so you won't be haunted in life and even after death.
O man, how right you're= ... you are.
All best. Ulla:)
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from Earl Corp
I sure hope it doesn't go that way, being haunted by your stupid crap after you die.The picture is cool it has a renaissance feel to it. I'm no expert but I think when you use the contraction you're in the first sentence it should be written out as you are.
|
I sure hope it doesn't go that way, being haunted by your stupid crap after you die.The picture is cool it has a renaissance feel to it. I'm no expert but I think when you use the contraction you're in the first sentence it should be written out as you are.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from Hugh McDowell
Very interesting. Someone on their deathbed could certainly feel this way. We all have thoughts on the what? after death. And very often, how we lived seems to make us believe there is a connection to the other side. I liked this a lot. Excellent. Hugh
|
Very interesting. Someone on their deathbed could certainly feel this way. We all have thoughts on the what? after death. And very often, how we lived seems to make us believe there is a connection to the other side. I liked this a lot. Excellent. Hugh
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from Julie Pie
This story has a distinctive voice, and the image you chose adds nicely to your writing. You capture the fear of viewing your life from your deathbed, and the question of what comes next?.
Excellent job!
Julie
|
This story has a distinctive voice, and the image you chose adds nicely to your writing. You capture the fear of viewing your life from your deathbed, and the question of what comes next?.
Excellent job!
Julie
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from jdrhye
This is a uniquely articulated poem. It resonates a voice and I even heard the gruffness and tone as I read it. Very powerful and ponderous. Enjoyed .
J
|
This is a uniquely articulated poem. It resonates a voice and I even heard the gruffness and tone as I read it. Very powerful and ponderous. Enjoyed .
J
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
Comment from apky
Whether this is your own style and art of presentation and representation, it is certain valid in the message that is imparted. We do live in a topsy-turvy world full of too much informations passing along too quickly, so that we're bombarded with evermore often meaningless information that is gone before we can take it in and take a breath for the next one.
|
Whether this is your own style and art of presentation and representation, it is certain valid in the message that is imparted. We do live in a topsy-turvy world full of too much informations passing along too quickly, so that we're bombarded with evermore often meaningless information that is gone before we can take it in and take a breath for the next one.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018