The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Le Rendez-vous des Amis "A Novel
40 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written chapter of your romantic story of the French woman that can be very misterious. It seens she care enough to give attention to your accidental wound inflicted earlier the morning.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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A very well-written chapter of your romantic story of the French woman that can be very misterious. It seens she care enough to give attention to your accidental wound inflicted earlier the morning.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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Thanks, Sandra. It seems that Helen is developing into quite a complex character.
Comment from Joy Graham
Oh my goodness! I love this chapter of your story. I'm sorry I missed the first few chapters. I will try to follow along with this story as time allows. The BIG thing that pulled me into this story is that it is set in Paris and uses those lovely french phrases. My french is limited, but I love the romance of Paris and the french language. It gets me every time.
I enjoyed your characters and the fast pace of this adventure.
I'm not an expert on offering suggestions for story writing. I'm still learning myself. I noticed a little moment where I try to tell my stories as if they happened in the past. Anything in a speech tag would be said as present tense.
- "The wind was howling through the trees, and driving rain against my window..."
- I might have written it as, "The wind howled through the trees" - that avoids the word, "was" which is one of those words we should avoid over-using. (I sure over-use it myself).
- I might have written, "and drove rain against my window" - that just keeps it in the past, I think.
- "Part of the fence (was) down and the poor man (was) struggling." - there's that word again. - Perhaps you could say, "Part of the fence blew down, and the poor man struggled."
- "His prized tomatoes lay squashed and bleeding..." - I love this descriptive visual :)
- "Zut alors!" - you got me with this phrase like a slam dunk lol! Reminds me of the crab in The Little Mermaid movie. At least I think it was the crab that said it?
- I love your response in french about a sack of potatoes :)
- "(Just) a couple of hundred yards down the street..." - just is one of those words we should avoid. I don't have any helpful suggestions on how to replace it. If we use the avoidable words sparingly, it shouldn't hurt anything.
This story is just plain delightful. I look forward to reading more of your chapters.
Sincerely Joy xx
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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Oh my goodness! I love this chapter of your story. I'm sorry I missed the first few chapters. I will try to follow along with this story as time allows. The BIG thing that pulled me into this story is that it is set in Paris and uses those lovely french phrases. My french is limited, but I love the romance of Paris and the french language. It gets me every time.
I enjoyed your characters and the fast pace of this adventure.
I'm not an expert on offering suggestions for story writing. I'm still learning myself. I noticed a little moment where I try to tell my stories as if they happened in the past. Anything in a speech tag would be said as present tense.
- "The wind was howling through the trees, and driving rain against my window..."
- I might have written it as, "The wind howled through the trees" - that avoids the word, "was" which is one of those words we should avoid over-using. (I sure over-use it myself).
- I might have written, "and drove rain against my window" - that just keeps it in the past, I think.
- "Part of the fence (was) down and the poor man (was) struggling." - there's that word again. - Perhaps you could say, "Part of the fence blew down, and the poor man struggled."
- "His prized tomatoes lay squashed and bleeding..." - I love this descriptive visual :)
- "Zut alors!" - you got me with this phrase like a slam dunk lol! Reminds me of the crab in The Little Mermaid movie. At least I think it was the crab that said it?
- I love your response in french about a sack of potatoes :)
- "(Just) a couple of hundred yards down the street..." - just is one of those words we should avoid. I don't have any helpful suggestions on how to replace it. If we use the avoidable words sparingly, it shouldn't hurt anything.
This story is just plain delightful. I look forward to reading more of your chapters.
Sincerely Joy xx
Comment Written 13-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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Very many thanks for your encouraging words, Joy, and for your advice. I'e had other people make somewhat similar comments and am now running each chapter through the 'find and replace' feature in Word to highlight all the 'wozzes' and all the 'thats'!
It can be a bit chastening at times. I have made several adjustments to this chapter to reduce them, but it's obviously something I need to look out for. Thanks for the six stars too, always appreciated, and something that makes me think it's worth carrying on.
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Oh yes, this is a terrific story. You need to keep it going :)
Comment from royowen
As somebody with only high school French, my brother and I spent a weekend in Paris, and my French was better than some of the locals' English, but even I wasn't tempted to use extreme gestures, hah hah, excellent chapter, it's difficult to hold your readers attention, but you managed to pace the episode well, well done Tony, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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As somebody with only high school French, my brother and I spent a weekend in Paris, and my French was better than some of the locals' English, but even I wasn't tempted to use extreme gestures, hah hah, excellent chapter, it's difficult to hold your readers attention, but you managed to pace the episode well, well done Tony, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 13-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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Thanks, Roy. It sounds as though we both have a similar level of French! I'm on the edge of my comfort zone!
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Me too
Comment from estory
I think you did a great job in designing this chapter. The backdrop of the storm and the injury to your arm was unsettling, and it makes us wary, looking out for more trouble, that is hinted in the air. The meeting with Helen seems pleasant, she is pleasant, in explaining the relationship with Madame Durand, and her abrupt leaving of the scene, but it all seems just as plausible that she is lying, at least about some of it. There is still plenty of mystery in the air. Nice counterpoint dialogue and good descriptions put us right in the scenes. This is unfolding as an interesting story. estory
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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I think you did a great job in designing this chapter. The backdrop of the storm and the injury to your arm was unsettling, and it makes us wary, looking out for more trouble, that is hinted in the air. The meeting with Helen seems pleasant, she is pleasant, in explaining the relationship with Madame Durand, and her abrupt leaving of the scene, but it all seems just as plausible that she is lying, at least about some of it. There is still plenty of mystery in the air. Nice counterpoint dialogue and good descriptions put us right in the scenes. This is unfolding as an interesting story. estory
Comment Written 13-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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Thanks for your comments, estory. Glad that there's a sense of something running under the surface to pique the curiosity.
Comment from Pantygynt
Ooh la la! You are bound for your apartiment avec cette belle dame who wishes to mother you. I sense romance is in the aire and also that this review is beginning to sound like a clip from Allo, allo!
Are we going to see how Tony 'andles ze sex scene? Sacre pommes de terre was a definite improvement on 'Good moaning'.
Sorry I must be in a silly mood today.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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Ooh la la! You are bound for your apartiment avec cette belle dame who wishes to mother you. I sense romance is in the aire and also that this review is beginning to sound like a clip from Allo, allo!
Are we going to see how Tony 'andles ze sex scene? Sacre pommes de terre was a definite improvement on 'Good moaning'.
Sorry I must be in a silly mood today.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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'Allo! 'Allo! is just about my level of French. I think I'll have to move these two on to another country before long! Not sure how I handled the sex scene - but Charles certainly made a bit of a hash of it!
Comment from kiwijenny
Holy potatoes seemed to have the right agricultural ring to it, but throwing my arms into the air to imitate his Gallic gesture was a mistake. The wind caught my hat, and in running forward to recapture it, I tripped and fell onto a piece of broken glass. I felt a warm wetness on my sleeve as my right forearm started to ooze blood in sympathy with the tomatoes
I'm going to say sacre pommels de terry all day...you write so well
God bless I'm enjoying this....sorry curses auto correct...I can't type in french suit alors....grrr zut
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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Holy potatoes seemed to have the right agricultural ring to it, but throwing my arms into the air to imitate his Gallic gesture was a mistake. The wind caught my hat, and in running forward to recapture it, I tripped and fell onto a piece of broken glass. I felt a warm wetness on my sleeve as my right forearm started to ooze blood in sympathy with the tomatoes
I'm going to say sacre pommels de terry all day...you write so well
God bless I'm enjoying this....sorry curses auto correct...I can't type in french suit alors....grrr zut
Comment Written 13-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2018
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Glad you're enjoying it, Jenny. I appreciate your continuing support.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Excellent stuff again. There's a lot to this lady and it is unravelling nicely, keeping interest levels up.
turning the outside world into an Impressionist blur of liquid colour. again very nice phrasing. Your use of description is very impressive. It's economical but so vivid.
I did notice in this instalment a tendency to use 'was' which wasn't quite as apparent in the previous instalments. I think if you went through again you'd see what I mean. these tend toward passivity and an indication of leaning to telling more than showing. In the grand scheme of things it may balance out but it seemed frequent here (especially in the first half - compare the two halves).
All the best
G
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2018
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Hi there,
Excellent stuff again. There's a lot to this lady and it is unravelling nicely, keeping interest levels up.
turning the outside world into an Impressionist blur of liquid colour. again very nice phrasing. Your use of description is very impressive. It's economical but so vivid.
I did notice in this instalment a tendency to use 'was' which wasn't quite as apparent in the previous instalments. I think if you went through again you'd see what I mean. these tend toward passivity and an indication of leaning to telling more than showing. In the grand scheme of things it may balance out but it seemed frequent here (especially in the first half - compare the two halves).
All the best
G
Comment Written 13-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2018
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You are right. There were almost 50% more wozzes in this one. I've gone through and changed the phrasing in several places to reduce them. That's two things I need to look out for - 'was' and 'that'. The find and change facility in Word is coming in useful! Thanks for your input. All the best, Tony
Comment from meeshu
excellent, Tony. your descriptions of the action and scene-setting really stands out for me. an enjoyable read every time. and the story is quite engaging, too...........meeshu
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2018
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excellent, Tony. your descriptions of the action and scene-setting really stands out for me. an enjoyable read every time. and the story is quite engaging, too...........meeshu
Comment Written 13-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2018
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Thanks very much, Meeshu, for this encouraging review. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hey Tony, you write very well, I enjoyed this chapter, not a lot of redundant phrases and words, and lovely descriptions that don't look as if you are trying too hard to wax lyrical.
I especially appreciated your opening paragraph, so important and you hook me with it, and that lovely image of the rain, and I was compelled to keep reading. I will be interested to see where you take this, and your grammar and spelling, etc, are enviably good, this isn't the first draft though, is it??
I have no suggestions for improvement and it is a work I'd recommend, cheers, Ana.
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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2018
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Hey Tony, you write very well, I enjoyed this chapter, not a lot of redundant phrases and words, and lovely descriptions that don't look as if you are trying too hard to wax lyrical.
I especially appreciated your opening paragraph, so important and you hook me with it, and that lovely image of the rain, and I was compelled to keep reading. I will be interested to see where you take this, and your grammar and spelling, etc, are enviably good, this isn't the first draft though, is it??
I have no suggestions for improvement and it is a work I'd recommend, cheers, Ana.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2018
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Thanks very much, Ana, for this encouraging review. Not exactly a first draft - I generally read through and edit anything I write at least half a dozen times before posting it. I would probably lose quite a few readers if I didn't take the trouble to remove as many errors as possible. I never seem to quite get rid of them all though!
Best wishes, Tony
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
awoken (I think this should be awakened)
I don't think I've read any of your prose fiction before. This is very well written and I look forward to reading more of it, my friend~Debbie
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2018
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awoken (I think this should be awakened)
I don't think I've read any of your prose fiction before. This is very well written and I look forward to reading more of it, my friend~Debbie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2018
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Thanks, Debbie. There's a great deal of debate about awake/awoke/awaken/awoken/etc. I appreciate your input. I've now changed the opening sentence so that it's in the active voice: "A huge crash woke me the following morning."