Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Leading Beneath the Mines"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
33 total reviews
Comment from apky
I especially liked the point of transition and how you put it across for the reader.
>>"There will be people here who will challenge what you believe about humanity," Sani said. "Are you ready to embrace them as well?"
"Of course. I've had plenty of time to think about that fact. I know it will be a bit of a shock first, but we'll all adjust. What do we do first?"
"Tighten up the nucleus. Make sure the girls learn they are wild animals, not caged ones. They have to learn to think outside the cage. If they don't get it, they won't be able to infect the people of Mine City with the same sense of freedom. It will be one of your biggest challenges."<<
Brilliant.
Best,
Apky
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
  |
I especially liked the point of transition and how you put it across for the reader.
>>"There will be people here who will challenge what you believe about humanity," Sani said. "Are you ready to embrace them as well?"
"Of course. I've had plenty of time to think about that fact. I know it will be a bit of a shock first, but we'll all adjust. What do we do first?"
"Tighten up the nucleus. Make sure the girls learn they are wild animals, not caged ones. They have to learn to think outside the cage. If they don't get it, they won't be able to infect the people of Mine City with the same sense of freedom. It will be one of your biggest challenges."<<
Brilliant.
Best,
Apky
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
-
Thank you so much for the wonderful review, and for pointing out what you liked best about it.
Good to hear from you.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from F. Wehr3
Nice to see you back, Rhonda. Hope you're doing okay. I loved this chapter. I think it's Sani and his wisdom coming through, almost like a jedi teaching his young padawan. We'll see if Archie has what it takes. I found a couple of things for your consideration.
Archie took a deep breath, and released it into the tepid air of the mines.--Suggest no comma after breath.
He leaned a tawny head--I almost want to put his because it sound as if he's putting someone else's head against the wall.
quite an impressive fete of engineering--Feat?
Looking forward to more.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
 |
Nice to see you back, Rhonda. Hope you're doing okay. I loved this chapter. I think it's Sani and his wisdom coming through, almost like a jedi teaching his young padawan. We'll see if Archie has what it takes. I found a couple of things for your consideration.
Archie took a deep breath, and released it into the tepid air of the mines.--Suggest no comma after breath.
He leaned a tawny head--I almost want to put his because it sound as if he's putting someone else's head against the wall.
quite an impressive fete of engineering--Feat?
Looking forward to more.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 25-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
-
Russell, I'm glad to be back. I'm still not back to full strength, but am working on it. I don't like being slowed down, but it happens!
I appreciate your 6 star gift, and for helping to point out some spag. Both are much appreciated.
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Once again, I really enjoyed reading this story. I am as worried about Archie as he is about himself. I am sure he will rise to the challenge Sani has left him with.
Do what we discussed and do what we discussed (repeat, only need one of them)
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
|
Once again, I really enjoyed reading this story. I am as worried about Archie as he is about himself. I am sure he will rise to the challenge Sani has left him with.
Do what we discussed and do what we discussed (repeat, only need one of them)
Comment Written 25-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
-
Thank you for the beautiful stars, my friend! They mean a lot to me, as does the spag alert. I'll fix it at once.
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda