Luna's Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Music"a place to gather my poetic forms
45 total reviews
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Yes the flow makes it difficult to read but the understanding is still there. I tried to rewrite it but when I tried, I love what you were trying to say. I am no help on this one but I love the parts you included in it.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Yes the flow makes it difficult to read but the understanding is still there. I tried to rewrite it but when I tried, I love what you were trying to say. I am no help on this one but I love the parts you included in it.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Dear Barb,
I'm sorry that the meter made it difficult for you to read. I have a feeling that I'm not finished completely with this one yet ... not quite sure as to how to revise it, though, which you found when you tried to incorporate a couple of suggestions to the poem. 'thank you for the kind review, I enjoyed reading it much.
Love 'n Light,
jeni
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That is right, I felt it was not complete yet. Something was missing but it was one that I just couldn't help without changing it. You are saying a lot, maybe enlarge it a couple of stanZas
Comment from Sis Cat
Yes, not only does "my music takes me anywhere," but also your poetry. I enjoyed your quatern with its refrain placed at different lines in each stanza. This adds harmony, a musical quality, and it also reemphasized your main theme . . . the power of music and art to transport one.
I enjoy your rhymes and humor:
"I sail above the moon and stars,
I'll write of this in my memoirs."
You have good imagery and I love the nod to "Lucy in the Sky" which inspired you "to write just then and there,"
Thank you for sharing your revelation.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Yes, not only does "my music takes me anywhere," but also your poetry. I enjoyed your quatern with its refrain placed at different lines in each stanza. This adds harmony, a musical quality, and it also reemphasized your main theme . . . the power of music and art to transport one.
I enjoy your rhymes and humor:
"I sail above the moon and stars,
I'll write of this in my memoirs."
You have good imagery and I love the nod to "Lucy in the Sky" which inspired you "to write just then and there,"
Thank you for sharing your revelation.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Sis, Cat, I'm really happy that you enjoyed this poem and shared a couple of parts that resonated with you. Music has been my friend since I was five years old and I had my first transistor radio. I enjoyed reading your review. Blessings to you.
jeni
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Jeni. This is another wonderful write by you. I thought it was interesting to note the last stanza in particular:
"When John sang "Lucy in the Sky,"
I felt it and said, "Why not I?"
Began to write just then and there,
my music takes me anywhere."
Is that right? That is wonderful, Jeni. Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Hi, Jeni. This is another wonderful write by you. I thought it was interesting to note the last stanza in particular:
"When John sang "Lucy in the Sky,"
I felt it and said, "Why not I?"
Began to write just then and there,
my music takes me anywhere."
Is that right? That is wonderful, Jeni. Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Hi, Bob, good to see you. Yes, that is pretty much the way that it went. My earlier writings were not good at all, but they prepared me in a manner of speaking. You know, going through that awkward stage before one grows up. Thanks for your review, Bob.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
This is so true of life and the world in general. It flows perfectly and is such a great poem! I think it is truly awesome and you have done a fantastic job well done. I have learned to expect NOTHING and so everything else is a bonus!Music is also a large part of my life and I loved the Beatles! great write. kindest regards Meia :)
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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This is so true of life and the world in general. It flows perfectly and is such a great poem! I think it is truly awesome and you have done a fantastic job well done. I have learned to expect NOTHING and so everything else is a bonus!Music is also a large part of my life and I loved the Beatles! great write. kindest regards Meia :)
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Meia. I'm happy that you found this poem enjoyable, and let me know that you are also a Beatle-lover! I remember going to show and tell in the first grade and my really big "show" was the first Beatles' album, "Meet the Beatles." I think it went over some of the heads in the class but that what I was into, and have been, since I was five. Fun to read your review.
Love,
jeni
Comment from nancyrabbrose
Your poem is great. You invited a suggestion if possible to make up the missing beat(s): perhaps a word before guitar would help the rhythm/meter. I think this is an admirable poem and that illustration you found is amazing. Your poem and the illustration takes me somewhere (else). Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Your poem is great. You invited a suggestion if possible to make up the missing beat(s): perhaps a word before guitar would help the rhythm/meter. I think this is an admirable poem and that illustration you found is amazing. Your poem and the illustration takes me somewhere (else). Well done.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Nancy, I'm happy that what I wrote is able to take you to another place. I enjoy it when that happens with something I write. I think that I get most of my pleasure from sharing my writing with others and reading theirs. I thank you for the suggestion to place a word for guitar, but I need to stick to an 8-syllable count per line. I'll take a look at the line, though, and I really appreciate your suggestion.
Light and Love,
jeni
Comment from DALLAS01
What a humdrum world this world would be without some kind of a vehicle to the stars. Be it music, art or poetry, it is a necessary elixir. I think you poem demonstrates that.
Perhaps the below change would help the cadence. Just a suggestion.
Most songfests, beautiful, we share.
So sorry for your loss. I have a strong personal relationship with the recovering community, myself. I'm well versed in the pain of addiction.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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What a humdrum world this world would be without some kind of a vehicle to the stars. Be it music, art or poetry, it is a necessary elixir. I think you poem demonstrates that.
Perhaps the below change would help the cadence. Just a suggestion.
Most songfests, beautiful, we share.
So sorry for your loss. I have a strong personal relationship with the recovering community, myself. I'm well versed in the pain of addiction.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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First, Dallas, thanks for your condolences. My whole family is in one stage of recovery or another. Me, I got sober before they even invented crack so I at least missed that. The pain of addiction is something that only those of us who have gone through it can truly testify to. My family can certainly testify to the pain that my addiction caused them.
As to the poem, yes, wouldn't the world be a grey place without music to provide some color? (or art, or poetry?)
I'll try out your change. The syllable count would still be right on...let me see how it goes, and I thank you!
Love and Light,
jeni
Comment from Dean Kuch
This is lovely, Luna, and it speaks to the notion of what the famous playwright and poet, William Congreve, once wrote:
"Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast.
To soften Rocks, or bend a knotted Oak.".
I do have one small suggestion to improve the flow a bit, since you asked. I have rewritten it into the stanza below:
My lover plays his repertoire
of music for me on guitar.
My music takes me anywhere,
Sweet loving songfests we both share..
Just a thought...
Great writing. This is a very well composed Quatern featuring some inventive rhyming. The pairing of "repertoire" and "guitar" immediately comes to mind...
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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This is lovely, Luna, and it speaks to the notion of what the famous playwright and poet, William Congreve, once wrote:
"Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast.
To soften Rocks, or bend a knotted Oak.".
I do have one small suggestion to improve the flow a bit, since you asked. I have rewritten it into the stanza below:
My lover plays his repertoire
of music for me on guitar.
My music takes me anywhere,
Sweet loving songfests we both share..
Just a thought...
Great writing. This is a very well composed Quatern featuring some inventive rhyming. The pairing of "repertoire" and "guitar" immediately comes to mind...
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Thanks immensely much, my friend. I'm happy to have invoked the name of William Congreve from you. Your suggestion is a good one and is in line with a suggestion from another reader so I believe I'll use it.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed this.
Love and Light,
jeni
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That's the only place I stumbled a bit in the entire poem, Jeni.
Good work, and you're more than welcome, as always.
~Dean
Comment from Irish Rain
I love all of it, but especially the last verse, 'When John played 'Lucy in the sky'...perfect!!! I like the thought too of your music taking you anywhere, like a gypsy song on the breeze! Blessings...
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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I love all of it, but especially the last verse, 'When John played 'Lucy in the sky'...perfect!!! I like the thought too of your music taking you anywhere, like a gypsy song on the breeze! Blessings...
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Irish Rain! This song was actually written to the album, "Bitter," by Meshell Ndgecello. If you've not heard it I highly suggest you give it a listen. I'm happy that you shared with me you enjoyed the last verse. One of my favorites, also..
Love n Light,
Jeni
Comment from mermaids
You have a musical feel and flow to your words. I especially like the lines" My music takes me anyway" and "I sail above the moon and stars". They show the strong impact music has on us, it really does take us anywhere. This is a poem that makes the reader feel good.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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You have a musical feel and flow to your words. I especially like the lines" My music takes me anyway" and "I sail above the moon and stars". They show the strong impact music has on us, it really does take us anywhere. This is a poem that makes the reader feel good.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Mermaids, I'm happy to have this poem called a "feel good poem." That is how I feel when listening to music and am happy that some of that transferred to my words. Yes, it can take us anywhere. I enjoyed reading your review.
Love 'n Light,
jeni
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Luna
Don't as me if the meter is off
All I know your poem flawed and traveled far with its beauful tones of words.
Reminds of a poem I wrote about my daughter in=law playing her violin how the music traveled to be heard.
Gert
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Hello Luna
Don't as me if the meter is off
All I know your poem flawed and traveled far with its beauful tones of words.
Reminds of a poem I wrote about my daughter in=law playing her violin how the music traveled to be heard.
Gert
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Aww, Gert, you are so sweet. Thank you for your kind words. What is the name of the poem you wrote about your daughter-in-law? Is it posted here on FanStory? I'd love to read it.
Love 'n Light,
jeni
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Thank you Luna
With me not being a premier member here on FS you will not able to find it.
I will have to find it in my word file. When I do I will forward it to you.
Gert
