Weak
Just a poem37 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Wow. Luna.
This sounds a little sado-masochistic to me. Is that the subliminal message here? If so, I have to tell you that's a first for me here on FS. And a rather uncomfortable image. I mean, to each his own and everything, but uncomfortable to ME. *smile*
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Wow. Luna.
This sounds a little sado-masochistic to me. Is that the subliminal message here? If so, I have to tell you that's a first for me here on FS. And a rather uncomfortable image. I mean, to each his own and everything, but uncomfortable to ME. *smile*
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thanks, Robyn, for once again sharing your thoughts with me about my writing. Thanks for letting me know how reading this work caused you to feel. Have a great day!
Comment from estory
I liked the tension in the voice here, the somber meter that really matches the subject matter. Great images. I loved that finger getting pricked on the thorn. the last stanza with all those repetitions seems to really drive home the feeling of being captivated, even enslaved by someone or something. 'Wretchedly yours, pretending you were mine' was really nice. Also 'Long hot sultry nights seized my heart yet you mislaid it.' estory
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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I liked the tension in the voice here, the somber meter that really matches the subject matter. Great images. I loved that finger getting pricked on the thorn. the last stanza with all those repetitions seems to really drive home the feeling of being captivated, even enslaved by someone or something. 'Wretchedly yours, pretending you were mine' was really nice. Also 'Long hot sultry nights seized my heart yet you mislaid it.' estory
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Hi, and thanks for your review. I'm happy that you read m;y work and understood what I was trying to get at.
Always,
jeni
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I think I remember you from a former life lol. I also used to be on this site a long time ago; I was ekpoet. now I am estory went through a few things; lost my mom, lost my job, moved, got a new computer. spent a lot of time working on a novel the last few years and some new poetry, hope to post soon, estory
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Well, that's funny ... I certainly do believe that there is an afterlife and that our spirits do return in one form or another to live and live until our lessons are finally complete. I think it's cool that you feel you remember me from a former life. Don't ignore those feelings, they are usually correct (unless I misread you and you were kidding!) I enjoyed hearing about your personal tragedies and triumphs. I offer condolence for the loss of your mom, estory. My mom is 80 and I know it's coming sometime before I'd like it to. I'm definitely not looking forward to that time.
I'm going to fan you so that I can read some of your work! Hope we can get to know each other.
Always,
Jeni
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Sorry I mean I remember you from Fanstory back around 2005-2007. that was my former life on this site! catch you estory
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Gotcha! lol
Comment from loismddavis
this is a nice free verse and though I am sure you have a good reason for your choice of picture I found the long nails rather menacing. I am so sorry for your loss and feel the poem is an expression of your grief. Though it is free verse it does have a rhythm to it--one or two rhymes would have been fine but your choice.
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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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this is a nice free verse and though I am sure you have a good reason for your choice of picture I found the long nails rather menacing. I am so sorry for your loss and feel the poem is an expression of your grief. Though it is free verse it does have a rhythm to it--one or two rhymes would have been fine but your choice.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Hi, and thanks for your review! I'm happy you shared your opinion with me. Actually, this doesn't have anything to do with my grief, it's more of a character study. Thanks again for reading and reviewing my poem, and have a great day!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse poem. Remember precious moments with a loved one very close to you. I am glad to see you're back and that your health issues are resolved and under control.
A happy and prosperous new year to you and your family.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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A very well-written free verse poem. Remember precious moments with a loved one very close to you. I am glad to see you're back and that your health issues are resolved and under control.
A happy and prosperous new year to you and your family.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thanks, Sandra, for your read and review of my poem. Yep, I'm back and my health issues are getting under control. I appreciate your warm welcome back, and Happy New Year to you and yours!
Always,
jeni
Comment from Sis Cat
I am glad that your post Christmas issues have been resolved and you have returned to FanStory. You wrote a strong free verse poem about tortured love. Your words flow smoothly and the heart of the protagonist longs and aches. Poem likens love to bondage and role play. Thank you for sharing your talents. They are considerable.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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I am glad that your post Christmas issues have been resolved and you have returned to FanStory. You wrote a strong free verse poem about tortured love. Your words flow smoothly and the heart of the protagonist longs and aches. Poem likens love to bondage and role play. Thank you for sharing your talents. They are considerable.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thanks for reading this, SisCat. I appreciate your review. You picked up on just what I was trying to convey. I'm flattered by your comments in this review.
Always,
Luna
Comment from Ogden
After reading it, I'm glad to remember that you labeled it as just a poem (and not autobiographical), because your narrator is a miserable wretch, which, of course, was exactly your intention.
Nice work, Jeni!
Happy New Year!
Don
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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After reading it, I'm glad to remember that you labeled it as just a poem (and not autobiographical), because your narrator is a miserable wretch, which, of course, was exactly your intention.
Nice work, Jeni!
Happy New Year!
Don
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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LOL, thanks Don, for the review. Yep, a miserable wretch, but by choice, unfortunately.. Enjoy the rest of your day!
Always,
jeni
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
This is deep and I feel the pain and emotional turmoil of one betrayed and yet so deeply in love that anything to prove his/her love is not too much to ask.
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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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This is deep and I feel the pain and emotional turmoil of one betrayed and yet so deeply in love that anything to prove his/her love is not too much to ask.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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I'm happy that this poem allowed you to feel what it was really about. Thanks, Barb, for the read and the kind review.
Always,
jeni
