Comment from Lisa Deverick

Exceptional

Your mother would be proud. This a very well told story/poem with beautiful imagery. I would love to see this poem made into a child's book with beautiful colorful pictures to illustrate it. Well done.

 Comment Written 09-May-2016

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reply by the author on 09-May-2016

Yes, Lisa, my mother would be proud. My father died eleven weeks before she did. I read her the eulogy I wrote for his service. It brought her great comfort at the end that I had resumed writing. In her parting act, she gave me a gift certificate for Poets & Writers.

Thank you for your generous, six star review of my beautifully imagined poem.

Comment from CDyer

Excellent

This is so beautiful in so many aspects, even without your author notes. I love that you blend mythology with reality and then make it personal with comparison to your mother. I love the line, "I craved rocket ships instead of the past." Through your words, it seems the two have found a place together. I admire, that as in your quest to improve and make your place in poetry, you take your mother's poems and carry her legacy forward. She sounds like an incredible person!

 Comment Written 09-May-2016

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reply by the author on 09-May-2016

Thank you, CDyer, for your generous review. I am amazed at my poem's blend of mythology with reality. How did I do that? It felt like a natural progression of ideas. My mother would have been proud. She was an incredible person and inspires me today.

Thank you for your review.

Comment from Taffspride

Excellent

If there is anything that could improve this story in a poem I cannot see it.

This was so beautiful, and touching, as well as being a wonderful tribute to your mother.

It must have been something special to see her dance, even if at the time you did not think so. I always think that when we dance we are allowing the world to see our souls, we become the dance. This I believe is what your mother did.

Thank you for sharing, and I wish you all the luck in the contest, I believe you have a very worthy entry.

Iechyd da

Ann

 Comment Written 09-May-2016

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reply by the author on 09-May-2016

Thank you, Ann, for your generous review. I particularly enjoy your comment that this is a "story in a poem." It took me four years for me to finally write a great tribute poem for my mother. I am quite pleased with the results.

Thank you also for wishing me luck in the contest.

Comment from closetpoetjester

Excellent

This is a wonderfully written emotional outpouring and tribute to your mother and you should be proud as she would be, I'm sure. A captivating read and so terrific that you discovered her specially written words and helped free them from the nest. Thoughtfully constructed and very nicely expressed. Good luck.
Well done. Cheers

 Comment Written 09-May-2016

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reply by the author on 09-May-2016

Thank you, closetpoetjester, for your review. Yes, I am and my mother would be proud of this tribute to her. I am thrilled that I found her poetry. Thank you also for wishing me good luck.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

A nicely written work Cat, this creation has the feel of the mystic, the vibration of nature, the mystery of motherhood, and the wonder of the love that bears one up in the talons of its love, I think this is a fine work, and it certainly deserves a hearing, seeing and approaching, well done. Good luck this year, well done, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 09-May-2016

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reply by the author on 09-May-2016

Thank you, Roy, for your nicely written review. I particularly love the compliment, "this creation has the feel of the mystic, the vibration of nature, the mystery of motherhood, and the wonder of the love that bears one up in the talons of its love." Aside from the Dancing Poetry Contest, my poem would read well anywhere. Thank you also for wishing me good luck. Cheers.

reply by royowen on 09-May-2016

My pleasure Cat

Comment from ~Dovey

Excellent

Hi Siscat!

This is a fantastic poem written in the memory of your mother. I enjoyed your use of alliteration the most, and it is strong throughout this piece. That will be even more of am impact when recited aloud. Your message and imagery is fantastic, especially bringing the past into the future. This is the stanza I enjoyed the most and I love how it connects to the ending stanza of the poem:

She tried other means to ensure
that I would not be left behind
in school or in life--
gifts of old books I refused to read;
I craved rocket ships instead of the past.

Good luck in the contest!

Kim

 Comment Written 09-May-2016

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reply by the author on 09-May-2016

Thank you, Kim, for your fine review and encouraging words. FanStorians have asked me repeatedly to write a poem about my mother. I am glad the Dancing Poetry Contest inspired me to write this tribute. The imagery and sound are fantastic. Thanks.

Comment from Mary Wakeford

Exceptional

I loved this poem, and your mother would love how you've entwined her lessons, once rebuked due to immature nature of youth into an orchestra of her love and guidance as an adult. Please let us know how you do in the contest. I think you have a winner.

 Comment Written 09-May-2016

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reply by the author on 09-May-2016

Thank you, Mary, for your generous, six star review. Yes, my "mother would love how you've entwined her lessons, once rebuked due to immature nature of youth into an orchestra of her love and guidance as an adult." Regardless of how I do in the contest, I feel I have already won because I wrote a poem that both my mother and I would be proud of. Thanks again.

Comment from scd41

Excellent

You have exhibited your story telling and poetic skill in writing this poem. It evokes emotion and some subtle humor. I am not quite sure if the second line in the second stanza given in parenthesis could be somewhat edited to provide smooth flow which otherwise is there throughout the poem.

 Comment Written 09-May-2016

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reply by the author on 09-May-2016

Thank you for your review and encouragement of my poetic storytelling that "evokes emotion and some subtle humor." I had second thoughts about that parenthesis line. Another reviewer suggested it. Now I am changing it back. Thanks again.

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

My favorite part was the say your mother danced at school.
The piece is excellently done and it flowed so effortlessly from one line to the next.
I wish you all the luck in your contest. It sounds like you have really put your heart and soul in this

 Comment Written 09-May-2016

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reply by the author on 09-May-2016

Yes, Barb, my mother performed a dance on stage at school. The high school boys whistled and whooped at her because they though they were watching a strip show. I remember feeling glad they did not know I was her son. Now, I want everyone to know. Thank you for your review and for wishing me luck in the contest.

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

I enjoyed your poem. It is evident that you put much thought & energy into the making of it.

The picture is awesome. Your words flow well and tell an amazing story. I read instances of great alliteration which was super to hear/read.

I like how you wove the culture, history, family history, past, & present into one cohesive poem.

Thank you for sharing and best wishes in the contest. Your poem is already a winner in my eyes.

 Comment Written 09-May-2016

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reply by the author on 09-May-2016

Oh, thank you, jannypan, for your review. I wrote Sankofa in two days. I was under a tight deadline. The deadline for submission to the Dancing Poetry contest is on the fifteen, and I needed to post it on FanStory a week earlier so I could receive feedback and corrections.

This compliment meant much to me, "I like how you wove the culture, history, family history, past, & present into one cohesive poem."

You are right: I am already a winner because I push myself to write a poem that both my mother and I could be proud of.

Thank you also for wishing me the best in the contest.