Falling Off The Edge
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Regret"A true story
65 total reviews
Comment from Marykelly
Thomas and Sue fit into the category of star crossed lovers, things are not going to work out for them in spite of their obvious love for each other. The hard part is that the conflict could be resolved if Thomas could be honest about what he had done and Sue could be honest about how she really felt about it. They'll never know.
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
  |
Thomas and Sue fit into the category of star crossed lovers, things are not going to work out for them in spite of their obvious love for each other. The hard part is that the conflict could be resolved if Thomas could be honest about what he had done and Sue could be honest about how she really felt about it. They'll never know.
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Thanks a lot for this lovely review. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from Rookette
Why did he leave so quickly? Why was he in prison? Did he do something or was he accused wrongly? Where was he going in such a big hurry?
What a great writer you are! I love how vividly you describe everything. I felt Sue's pain and I, too, felt Thomas'. I'm left with so many questions. I'm left wanting more...but that is, in fact, what writing is all about. Great job on this! xoLeslie
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
Why did he leave so quickly? Why was he in prison? Did he do something or was he accused wrongly? Where was he going in such a big hurry?
What a great writer you are! I love how vividly you describe everything. I felt Sue's pain and I, too, felt Thomas'. I'm left with so many questions. I'm left wanting more...but that is, in fact, what writing is all about. Great job on this! xoLeslie
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Thanks ever so much. This is such a lovely review and so encouraging. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Regret can be a many-headed monster.
Regrets of those things you wished you had done and never did, as well as regrets for things you did do.
Well written and interesting piece.
Question is, will they still get together?
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
Regret can be a many-headed monster.
Regrets of those things you wished you had done and never did, as well as regrets for things you did do.
Well written and interesting piece.
Question is, will they still get together?
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Hi Brett, Thanks a lot for this great review. I have decided to build on the story so we'll see if they are to find each other. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Ulla,
This is a very well written piece on a technical level. There is a good feel and tone to the piece and the emotions of the characters are well writ but I admit that it left me a little cold. I felt a tad 'short-changed' by any lack of reason. Yeah, the guy was locked up and couldn't bring himself to see her again and admit things but it was almost over before it began. I'm all for mystery but, to me, it felt a bit unfinished.
G
reply by the author on 08-May-2016
|
Hi Ulla,
This is a very well written piece on a technical level. There is a good feel and tone to the piece and the emotions of the characters are well writ but I admit that it left me a little cold. I felt a tad 'short-changed' by any lack of reason. Yeah, the guy was locked up and couldn't bring himself to see her again and admit things but it was almost over before it began. I'm all for mystery but, to me, it felt a bit unfinished.
G
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 08-May-2016
-
Hi G, welcome back, so glad to see you on the scene again. Thanks a lot for the review and thanks for not penalising me because of not liking it much. I have decided to expand on the story as I've got so many requests for doing that. I see the potential. Looking forward to your writing. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from robina1978
A good title for this short story. A female sees a former boyfriend who had disappeared a long time ago. She asks where he has been, he responds he is in a hurry, and leaves without showing his regrets. An emotional subject, well written.
reply by the author on 08-May-2016
 |
A good title for this short story. A female sees a former boyfriend who had disappeared a long time ago. She asks where he has been, he responds he is in a hurry, and leaves without showing his regrets. An emotional subject, well written.
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 08-May-2016
-
Thank you so much Robina, and for the lovely stars. So glad you liked it. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from franichm
Ulla,
We I hope this is a first chapter of many to come! I want to know more about this story line! You did a great job writing this and capturing my interest! The question of the day, "Will their be more to come on this story?" Please say yes! I enjoyed it very much!!
reply by the author on 08-May-2016
|
Ulla,
We I hope this is a first chapter of many to come! I want to know more about this story line! You did a great job writing this and capturing my interest! The question of the day, "Will their be more to come on this story?" Please say yes! I enjoyed it very much!!
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 08-May-2016
-
First of all I want to thank you for a great review. So many have now asked me to build on this story, so I have decided that I will. Great feed back and thanks a lot for that, and the lovely stars. It means so much to me. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from William Ross
a wonderful story on regret, he was embarrassed most likely by having to do time, which I know changed him for ever. great write and have a good day
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
a wonderful story on regret, he was embarrassed most likely by having to do time, which I know changed him for ever. great write and have a good day
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Thanks ever so much. Great review. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from Helen Bach
Awww Ulla, how sad. Now Sue will hurt all over again, just as she'd got him out of her head and heart. What more can she do?
And Thomas, what on earth could he have done that would cause him such him such shame.
I suspect this story might not be completely over, I wonder if another short story might appear to satisfy our curiosity.
A smashing write that shows well snapshots into each character's worlds x
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
Awww Ulla, how sad. Now Sue will hurt all over again, just as she'd got him out of her head and heart. What more can she do?
And Thomas, what on earth could he have done that would cause him such him such shame.
I suspect this story might not be completely over, I wonder if another short story might appear to satisfy our curiosity.
A smashing write that shows well snapshots into each character's worlds x
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Hi Helen, thank you so much. You know, a lot have asked me to continue this story and I've dcided to do so. I'm very pleased with your encouraging comments. All the best. Ulla:))x
Comment from Kooky Clown
A great story left me wanting more I really enjoyed it and went back to the beginning to see if it was a chapter from something longer but I see it is not which was a shame as I wanted more.
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
A great story left me wanting more I really enjoyed it and went back to the beginning to see if it was a chapter from something longer but I see it is not which was a shame as I wanted more.
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Thanks ever so much. I've decided to expand on the story after so much encouragement to do so. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from jpduck
I thought this was a neat story.
A suggestion: If you were to delay the revelation that Thomas had been in prison until the final paragraph, it would strengthen the story even more. And, perhaps, you could reveal that he was sentenced for rape, to explain his anxiety to hurry away, and the hurt look in his eyes. As I say, just a suggestion -- you may well not like it at all).
'Sue [sipped] *was sipping* her hot cappuccino at the outdoor cafe enjoying the warm spring sun on her face, when she spotted a familiar figure' (This is a complicated one, so I will simplify the sentence, as an illustration, to try to highlight what the issue is: 'Sue sipped her drink when she spotted him'. What this means is that she sipped IN RESPONSE to seeing him. If you want to say she was already sipping her drink when she spotted him {which, I take it, IS what you mean}, you would need to write 'Sue was sipping her drink when . . .' But this is using the passive voice, rather than the active -- not normally a good idea. In my view the best solution is to drop 'when' and change the comma after 'face' to a full stop).
'drowned in the dark pool of his laughing eyes' (This is pure romantic-fiction-speak; but maybe that's intentional).
'and*,* best of all*,* shared their mutual love for books'
Adrian
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
I thought this was a neat story.
A suggestion: If you were to delay the revelation that Thomas had been in prison until the final paragraph, it would strengthen the story even more. And, perhaps, you could reveal that he was sentenced for rape, to explain his anxiety to hurry away, and the hurt look in his eyes. As I say, just a suggestion -- you may well not like it at all).
'Sue [sipped] *was sipping* her hot cappuccino at the outdoor cafe enjoying the warm spring sun on her face, when she spotted a familiar figure' (This is a complicated one, so I will simplify the sentence, as an illustration, to try to highlight what the issue is: 'Sue sipped her drink when she spotted him'. What this means is that she sipped IN RESPONSE to seeing him. If you want to say she was already sipping her drink when she spotted him {which, I take it, IS what you mean}, you would need to write 'Sue was sipping her drink when . . .' But this is using the passive voice, rather than the active -- not normally a good idea. In my view the best solution is to drop 'when' and change the comma after 'face' to a full stop).
'drowned in the dark pool of his laughing eyes' (This is pure romantic-fiction-speak; but maybe that's intentional).
'and*,* best of all*,* shared their mutual love for books'
Adrian
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Adrian, thank you very much for your helpful review as always, and I have made the corrections. I liked your suggestions. But yes, the drowning bit is very much intended. I'm going to continue the storyline so haven't made any changes to the story at this point. All the best. Ulla?))
