Hawaiian Time
People in Hawaii are laid back33 total reviews
Comment from chcbeck
I love the calmness of this piece, especially at this time of year..I often wonder what it would be like to live in such a laid back environment. Maybe it's the lack of materialistic things and look at what we are given free to enjoy. A really warming read.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2015
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I love the calmness of this piece, especially at this time of year..I often wonder what it would be like to live in such a laid back environment. Maybe it's the lack of materialistic things and look at what we are given free to enjoy. A really warming read.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2015
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thank so much
Comment from Zue65
Well, that's something we, the readers have to understand on Hawaiian time, to relax and enjoy the breeze with family and friends and adjusting the time for work to give way to appreciate nature's bounty. Thanks for sharing. God bless.
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reply by the author on 27-Dec-2015
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Well, that's something we, the readers have to understand on Hawaiian time, to relax and enjoy the breeze with family and friends and adjusting the time for work to give way to appreciate nature's bounty. Thanks for sharing. God bless.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2015
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thanks for the awesome review
Comment from kiwisteveh
A nice leisurely and relaxing poem for the holiday season - and what better place to relax than on a tropical island.
There are just a couple of things that have made me downgrade this a little. There are a couple of examples of the present participle (~ing) being used as an adjective without any real preceding subject. I am referring to 'living' at the start of line 2 - who is living? We can work it out, but we shouldn't have to. Then there's 'embracing' in the final stanza - I've just checked again and this one is ambiguous, but lack of punctuation is what makes it so.
Just above that 'life on the island' and 'living on the island' at the start of consecutive lines seems clumsy.
Solid rhyme and relaxed feeling, but this could definitely be improved with careful editing.
Steve
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reply by the author on 27-Dec-2015
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A nice leisurely and relaxing poem for the holiday season - and what better place to relax than on a tropical island.
There are just a couple of things that have made me downgrade this a little. There are a couple of examples of the present participle (~ing) being used as an adjective without any real preceding subject. I am referring to 'living' at the start of line 2 - who is living? We can work it out, but we shouldn't have to. Then there's 'embracing' in the final stanza - I've just checked again and this one is ambiguous, but lack of punctuation is what makes it so.
Just above that 'life on the island' and 'living on the island' at the start of consecutive lines seems clumsy.
Solid rhyme and relaxed feeling, but this could definitely be improved with careful editing.
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2015
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i have revised it thank you