Man's Great Folly - Master Sonnet
Acrostic Sonnet for Climate Change Wreath44 total reviews
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Well, what can I say Steve. This is, of course, not new to me. I've read them all, over and over again. This is a worthy winner. My one thought now is, which 2 lines will I be challenged with. Whichever, all of them so good it does not really matter. Great Sonnet. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2015
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Well, what can I say Steve. This is, of course, not new to me. I've read them all, over and over again. This is a worthy winner. My one thought now is, which 2 lines will I be challenged with. Whichever, all of them so good it does not really matter. Great Sonnet. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 13-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Dorothy.
I look forward to seeing what you other sonneteers can make out of this template!
Steve
Comment from CD Richards
A worthy winner, although you certainly had stiff competition. I'm amazed at the quality of the entries I've read so far; I might have to stop reading or my sixes for the week will all be gone on one contest.
All of this was wonderful, but the last line is especially poignant. How ironic it would be if (as seems entirely possible) we destroy the very planet and environment that have given us life.
Great job Steve.
Craig
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2015
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A worthy winner, although you certainly had stiff competition. I'm amazed at the quality of the entries I've read so far; I might have to stop reading or my sixes for the week will all be gone on one contest.
All of this was wonderful, but the last line is especially poignant. How ironic it would be if (as seems entirely possible) we destroy the very planet and environment that have given us life.
Great job Steve.
Craig
Comment Written 13-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2015
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Craig, thanks for the high praise and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from lightink
This poem has such a caring and gentle approach to the theme!
I appreciate how you talk to the planet in second person - I can feel a steady, wise presence in this, something that has a healing potential.
The revised couplet turned out perfect, even better than the original!
Also, I am stunned by how natural the flow is despite of the acrostic nature of this poem! It's a very worthy Master Sonnet indeed!
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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This poem has such a caring and gentle approach to the theme!
I appreciate how you talk to the planet in second person - I can feel a steady, wise presence in this, something that has a healing potential.
The revised couplet turned out perfect, even better than the original!
Also, I am stunned by how natural the flow is despite of the acrostic nature of this poem! It's a very worthy Master Sonnet indeed!
Comment Written 13-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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Thank you!
As I have grown older, I have come to realise that calmly and steadily is a good way to approach nearly everything, especially some of the more difficult problems facing the world. Now I only have to convince those who make all the decisions!
I am glad that the vote was a decisive one, eliminating any division amongst the group. Everyone seems happy to use lines from this as a starting point for their on sonnet.
Thanks once again for being both the creative spirit and the driving force behind this. It will be exciting to see the wreath taking shape.
Steve
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Very well written acrostic and it is a great concern for all who really care that we are to blame for killing our only planet we can live on without oxygen tanks.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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Very well written acrostic and it is a great concern for all who really care that we are to blame for killing our only planet we can live on without oxygen tanks.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Sandra. Keep an eye out for the other sonnets on this theme and then the completed Wreath of Sonnets in a month or so.
Steve
Comment from michaelcahill
Easy to see why this won. It certainly spells out the problem in all its urgency, but at the same time there is optimism and a call to arms. You spoke of problems with your closing couplet. I'm assuming you've already addressed that as it's perfect in my view as presented here. Rhyme and rhythm all spot on. Can't wait to see the finished product. mikey
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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Easy to see why this won. It certainly spells out the problem in all its urgency, but at the same time there is optimism and a call to arms. You spoke of problems with your closing couplet. I'm assuming you've already addressed that as it's perfect in my view as presented here. Rhyme and rhythm all spot on. Can't wait to see the finished product. mikey
Comment Written 12-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Mikey.
Yes, this is the revised version. The original couplet read OK but would have been a problem in the next stage when someone else had to use the lines as starting/ending points for their own sonnet.
yes, it will be wonderful to see the complete wreath.
Steve
Comment from Debbie Noland
I think the most outstanding thing about this sonnet, along with your being able to accomplish the acrostic without forcing language into something that sounds unnatural, is your perfect tone. In its lack of threatening, in-your-face didacticism, it comes across as sincere and concerned, addressing the earth as though in a personal relationship. I think readers will relate to that, and it sets a great model for the rest of us to follow. It is a super choice for the winning master sonnet.
I am mentioning the following only because we have voted this the master sonnet, and it has to do with the comma-splice, or joining two independent clauses with a comma when stronger punctuation (like period or semi-colon) is needed. In light of that, and with the greatest of respect for you and this accomplishment, I suggest these two changes:
Each generation takes; now all seems lost.
The air grows thick, polluted by our waste.
It is an exceptional sonnet, Steve. I look forward to working with a related topic using two of these great lines.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
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I think the most outstanding thing about this sonnet, along with your being able to accomplish the acrostic without forcing language into something that sounds unnatural, is your perfect tone. In its lack of threatening, in-your-face didacticism, it comes across as sincere and concerned, addressing the earth as though in a personal relationship. I think readers will relate to that, and it sets a great model for the rest of us to follow. It is a super choice for the winning master sonnet.
I am mentioning the following only because we have voted this the master sonnet, and it has to do with the comma-splice, or joining two independent clauses with a comma when stronger punctuation (like period or semi-colon) is needed. In light of that, and with the greatest of respect for you and this accomplishment, I suggest these two changes:
Each generation takes; now all seems lost.
The air grows thick, polluted by our waste.
It is an exceptional sonnet, Steve. I look forward to working with a related topic using two of these great lines.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
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Debbie, thanks for the great feedback. I sweated blood over this, striving for the natural language that you say is a feature. You are right that the acrostic greatly increases the difficulty of achieving that.
Interesting comment about the tone. I was worried that my use of poetic apostrophe, addressing the earth, may make it more challenging for those who must use those lines in their own poems, but Jiyoti liked it as well.
I will certainly go back to review the punctuation. Rama had concerns as well - more than the two you mention. She is a stickler for correct punctuation - too much so, sometimes, I believe, but I will return to her review to see what her concerns are.
Good luck with the next stage.
Steve
Comment from krys123
Steve;
-being a masterful writer you up again proven to live up to your reputation. This sonnet is structured perfectly beginning with the first line describing the topic of your sonnet followed by a second verse which complements the first and the third which shows rejection of man's inconsiderate behavior towards his wrongful reputation of taking care of the earth and its environment. The last two lines or your ending couplet summarizes the concept of your sonnet.
- all of your rhyming words are contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making your rhythm the flow so smoothly. Also your rhyming words were neither forced nor labored which was also helpful in the rhythmic flow.
- your rhythmic meter being iambic pentameter along with your cadence, timing and tempo were all helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and so very easy.
- Your imagery such as lines as: " The air grows thick, polluted by our waste, For every tree we plant, a forest falls. Our oceans choke on filth; man stands disgraced. Like fools we bicker while our future palls." Is one can contest this imagery is distinct and clear and exquisitely expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writing.
- use good use of enjambment which is the running on of a thought and concept from one stanza and line to the next without it syntactical break.
- You have chosen an appropriate picture which is also complementary and relative to the concept.
- Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always Steve.
Alex
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
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Steve;
-being a masterful writer you up again proven to live up to your reputation. This sonnet is structured perfectly beginning with the first line describing the topic of your sonnet followed by a second verse which complements the first and the third which shows rejection of man's inconsiderate behavior towards his wrongful reputation of taking care of the earth and its environment. The last two lines or your ending couplet summarizes the concept of your sonnet.
- all of your rhyming words are contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making your rhythm the flow so smoothly. Also your rhyming words were neither forced nor labored which was also helpful in the rhythmic flow.
- your rhythmic meter being iambic pentameter along with your cadence, timing and tempo were all helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and so very easy.
- Your imagery such as lines as: " The air grows thick, polluted by our waste, For every tree we plant, a forest falls. Our oceans choke on filth; man stands disgraced. Like fools we bicker while our future palls." Is one can contest this imagery is distinct and clear and exquisitely expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writing.
- use good use of enjambment which is the running on of a thought and concept from one stanza and line to the next without it syntactical break.
- You have chosen an appropriate picture which is also complementary and relative to the concept.
- Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always Steve.
Alex
Comment Written 12-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
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Alex, thanks for one of your always thorough reviews.
Steve
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you are very welcome Steve.
Alex
Comment from rama devi
Congrats on winning our private vote--yours was my first choice! Of all the entries, it is the most conducive for transferring lines to new sonnets. I also love your thematic cohesiveness and how it makes a strong opening sonnet...setting the tone and context, conveying the general theme and offering a powerful and apt closing couplet. I also love the personification of the planet and how this sonnet addresses her directly--AND how you use WE and OUR--inclusive...as we are all affected by this situation, and realizing our interconnectedness is part of the remedy for the greed and ignorance (and disconnectedness from Nature and from each other) that got us into this predicament in the first place.
Additionally, the technical aspects are written with finesse. Flawless meter and smooth fluid flow (though I have some suggestions regarding punctuation choices for smoother enjambment--see below! Fine phonetics in phrasing with alliteration, etc. Also, your rhymes are very good (especially waste/disgraced and rift/gift).
I like the echo of rift/gift when adrift was used in lien two, too!
Love the multiple alliteration of B in first stanza, L (plus consonance) in second and P in third. The first stanza has nice consonance of P, L, S and R as well--rolls off the tongue read aloud.
*
No other world we know is blessed like you(CONSIDER DASH HERE or comma)
So long as we, your guardians, keep you fair.
*
Each generation takes, now all seems lost,
As climate alters, land and sea rebel.
I would punctuate the above entirely different. Some ideas for your consideration:
Each generation takes; now all seems lost.
As climate alters, land and sea rebel.
Each generation takes (now all seems lost);
As climate alters, land and sea rebel.
Each generation takes--now all seems lost.
As climate alters, land and sea rebel.
Excellent shift from the broad scope on attitude to the specific issues currently manifesting:
The air grows thick, polluted by our waste,
For every tree we plant, a forest falls. OUTSTANDING LINE
Our oceans choke on filth; man stands disgraced. EXCELLENT VOICING
Like fools we bicker while your future palls. WELL SAID!
Again, I wonder about your punctuation choices in the above stanza. They do not feel optimal to me at all and flow and clarity would be improved by tweaking lines one and four a bit, IMHO. Example:
The air grows thick, polluted by our waste.
For every tree we plant, a forest falls.
Our oceans choke on filth; man stands disgraced.
Like fools, we bicker while your future palls.
Pitch perfect closing--flawless and effective:
Let's make a change right now, repair the rift;
You gave us life - we must return your gift.
Again, thanks for a masterful master sonnet. It won my vote in spite of those notes...!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
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Congrats on winning our private vote--yours was my first choice! Of all the entries, it is the most conducive for transferring lines to new sonnets. I also love your thematic cohesiveness and how it makes a strong opening sonnet...setting the tone and context, conveying the general theme and offering a powerful and apt closing couplet. I also love the personification of the planet and how this sonnet addresses her directly--AND how you use WE and OUR--inclusive...as we are all affected by this situation, and realizing our interconnectedness is part of the remedy for the greed and ignorance (and disconnectedness from Nature and from each other) that got us into this predicament in the first place.
Additionally, the technical aspects are written with finesse. Flawless meter and smooth fluid flow (though I have some suggestions regarding punctuation choices for smoother enjambment--see below! Fine phonetics in phrasing with alliteration, etc. Also, your rhymes are very good (especially waste/disgraced and rift/gift).
I like the echo of rift/gift when adrift was used in lien two, too!
Love the multiple alliteration of B in first stanza, L (plus consonance) in second and P in third. The first stanza has nice consonance of P, L, S and R as well--rolls off the tongue read aloud.
*
No other world we know is blessed like you(CONSIDER DASH HERE or comma)
So long as we, your guardians, keep you fair.
*
Each generation takes, now all seems lost,
As climate alters, land and sea rebel.
I would punctuate the above entirely different. Some ideas for your consideration:
Each generation takes; now all seems lost.
As climate alters, land and sea rebel.
Each generation takes (now all seems lost);
As climate alters, land and sea rebel.
Each generation takes--now all seems lost.
As climate alters, land and sea rebel.
Excellent shift from the broad scope on attitude to the specific issues currently manifesting:
The air grows thick, polluted by our waste,
For every tree we plant, a forest falls. OUTSTANDING LINE
Our oceans choke on filth; man stands disgraced. EXCELLENT VOICING
Like fools we bicker while your future palls. WELL SAID!
Again, I wonder about your punctuation choices in the above stanza. They do not feel optimal to me at all and flow and clarity would be improved by tweaking lines one and four a bit, IMHO. Example:
The air grows thick, polluted by our waste.
For every tree we plant, a forest falls.
Our oceans choke on filth; man stands disgraced.
Like fools, we bicker while your future palls.
Pitch perfect closing--flawless and effective:
Let's make a change right now, repair the rift;
You gave us life - we must return your gift.
Again, thanks for a masterful master sonnet. It won my vote in spite of those notes...!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 12-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
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Rama, thanks for the wonderful review, but then I expect nothing less from you.Great feedback, interesting comments about the sound of the piece and of course that eagle eye for punctuation.
Debbie has also commented on punctuation and I know I am occasionally sloppy in this area. I will give the whole thing a good going over tonight in the light of your and her concerns.
I am humbled by the praise you have heaped on this.
Steve
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YAY! :-))) Thanks for your gracious response, Steve.
Warmest Smiles, rd
Comment from Alan K Pease
Timely is your poem when almost 200 countries have signed the Paris agreement. The worst offender is the U.S and in a recent visit to China I found Bejing and several other cities intolerable. Let us hope that everyone sticks to the accord. May you have a Merry Christmas and New Year. Wonderful poem of message and poetics.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
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Timely is your poem when almost 200 countries have signed the Paris agreement. The worst offender is the U.S and in a recent visit to China I found Bejing and several other cities intolerable. Let us hope that everyone sticks to the accord. May you have a Merry Christmas and New Year. Wonderful poem of message and poetics.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
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Yes, it's very timely, isn't it. Let's hope Paris produces more than the last talk-Fest did.
Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Marvin Calloway
Another great poem of yours. You've hit a home run with the theme and rhyming.
"Rapacious plunder drains the sweetest well." Brilliant line among many others.
You make a well reasoned case for this important issue.
Marv 5*
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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Another great poem of yours. You've hit a home run with the theme and rhyming.
"Rapacious plunder drains the sweetest well." Brilliant line among many others.
You make a well reasoned case for this important issue.
Marv 5*
Comment Written 12-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Marv.
The Wreath project is an interesting one - we are all excited that we can now move on to the next stage - fourteen sonnets, each starting with one line from this one...
Steve
