2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "5/7/5 (Little hand in mom's)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
43 total reviews
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This is a touching poem about being "lost," but the syllable count in the second line is incorrect. Contest specifies 5-7-5 syllables, and this is 5-8-5. Should be easy to correct if you want to. Good luck, Jeanie Mercer
P.S. I see you made changes, and I have likewise changed my rating to 5 stars. Again, best wishes.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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This is a touching poem about being "lost," but the syllable count in the second line is incorrect. Contest specifies 5-7-5 syllables, and this is 5-8-5. Should be easy to correct if you want to. Good luck, Jeanie Mercer
P.S. I see you made changes, and I have likewise changed my rating to 5 stars. Again, best wishes.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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I checked and doubled checked with howmanysyllables.com and the dictionary= hand/pulled/a/way/in/the/church's/crowd=7
if you have a difference source please let me know
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hand (1 syllable
pulled (1 syllable)
away (2 syllable)
in (1 syllable)
church's (2 syllables)
crowd (1)
Total = 8 syllables
"church's" is pronounced as 2 syllables.
(Read it aloud)
"church" is 1 syllable, but making it possessive ("church's") makes it 2 syllables. The dictionary, of course, would not have a separate listing for the possessive word to enable you to visually count the syllables.
My suggestion, for what it's worth, would be to leave out "hand" in line 2. I think that would make the poem sound better also. (I am not on the Committee, but that is my opinion.)
My best wishes.
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thank you very much, I see what you mean
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I see you changed it, and I also changed my rating from 4* to 5*. I took another look, and I really think the poem looks and sounds better now! Best wishes.
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thank you Jeanie :)
Comment from Dawn Munro
This is adorable, and evokes imagery easily. It is also a beautiful presentation, but it's not about poetry becoming obsolete at all, and that is what the prompt is calling for - the graphics are lovely addition to the text too. I just wish you understood the contest is asking about poetry being lost, not other things, since you are obviously talented. (Poetry is not as popular as it was in the time of the greatest bards, like Shakespeare, and it is a topic that comes up frequently among poets these days. :) But good luck.
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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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This is adorable, and evokes imagery easily. It is also a beautiful presentation, but it's not about poetry becoming obsolete at all, and that is what the prompt is calling for - the graphics are lovely addition to the text too. I just wish you understood the contest is asking about poetry being lost, not other things, since you are obviously talented. (Poetry is not as popular as it was in the time of the greatest bards, like Shakespeare, and it is a topic that comes up frequently among poets these days. :) But good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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the contest's details= write a 5/7/5 poem on the topic of lost, you are the one who didn't understand the contest
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Sorry. You might be right.
Comment from Neonewman
beautiful piece of artwork you have chosen! It certainly pairs well with this very well crafted piece you have delivered for this lost contest.
Wish you well in the voting!
God bless!
Steve
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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beautiful piece of artwork you have chosen! It certainly pairs well with this very well crafted piece you have delivered for this lost contest.
Wish you well in the voting!
God bless!
Steve
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the lovely review. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
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My pleasure!
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My pleasure!
Comment from Harold Clapsaddle
Beautifully portrayed along with the picture. Many times children are pulled away from their parents (shepherds) some remain lost, some visit only to run off again, some cry and hunt for the home that loved them. :-))
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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Beautifully portrayed along with the picture. Many times children are pulled away from their parents (shepherds) some remain lost, some visit only to run off again, some cry and hunt for the home that loved them. :-))
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the lovely review. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
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Your very welcome :-))
Comment from honeytree
The art work is wonderful here
for these words, these words
allow us to know that Christ
loves every one of us.
Great words for the contest.
Honey tree
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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The art work is wonderful here
for these words, these words
allow us to know that Christ
loves every one of us.
Great words for the contest.
Honey tree
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the lovely review. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
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Great review
Honeytree
Comment from ericawrites
This is a lovely response to the writing prompt,
complemented perfectly by the beautiful picture.
However, I think your second line has one too many syllables?
You could take away the word "hand" at the start of that line, which won't detract from the poem.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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This is a lovely response to the writing prompt,
complemented perfectly by the beautiful picture.
However, I think your second line has one too many syllables?
You could take away the word "hand" at the start of that line, which won't detract from the poem.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the lovely review. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from Zue65
I love the Godly undertones of this 5-7-5. yes, its true Jesus will leave the 99 to find the prodigal son. Your poem effectively presented that message. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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I love the Godly undertones of this 5-7-5. yes, its true Jesus will leave the 99 to find the prodigal son. Your poem effectively presented that message. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the lovely review. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from Nosha17
To retrieve the one that is lost is worth all the effort-each one is as important as the others. Well chosen words and excellent message. Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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To retrieve the one that is lost is worth all the effort-each one is as important as the others. Well chosen words and excellent message. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the lovely review. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from rspoet
This is an excellent 5-7-5 for the contest
Exact syllables
Perfect for the theme of lost
Nice use of alliteration
Excellent presentation with graphics
and picture
Many will relate
and I suspect - vote
Very well done
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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This is an excellent 5-7-5 for the contest
Exact syllables
Perfect for the theme of lost
Nice use of alliteration
Excellent presentation with graphics
and picture
Many will relate
and I suspect - vote
Very well done
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the lovely review. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice artwork and presentation.
-Good format.
-Line one begins with a nice image.
-I like the way line one connects with two.
-The second line shows what happens to this little one while in church.
-The last line nicely concludes with the allusion to the parable in your notes.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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-Nice artwork and presentation.
-Good format.
-Line one begins with a nice image.
-I like the way line one connects with two.
-The second line shows what happens to this little one while in church.
-The last line nicely concludes with the allusion to the parable in your notes.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the lovely review. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
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You are very welcome.