The Ghost Pumpkin Fire Brigade
Beware of the ghost of Jack-O'-Lantern!43 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This was a cool story for kids and was full of interesting ideas and facts from other sources. The author's notes are enlightening.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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This was a cool story for kids and was full of interesting ideas and facts from other sources. The author's notes are enlightening.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Bill, for your kind review. I am glad the author's notes enlightened you, too. I wrote and published this story twenty-nine years ago in a firefighters magazine. I am thrilled that my story connects to people today.
Comment from fimarie78
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story and I hope it is alright if I share it with my children. I especially liked the story behind 'Jack o Lantern' which I had never heard before. The concept if the ghost firefighters would be really appealing to children. Super ending. well done.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story and I hope it is alright if I share it with my children. I especially liked the story behind 'Jack o Lantern' which I had never heard before. The concept if the ghost firefighters would be really appealing to children. Super ending. well done.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Yes, yes, yes, please share my story with children. I first wrote and published "The Ghost Pumpkin Fire Brigade" in a firefighters' magazine twenty-nine years ago. The story was a winner then--my first published story--and is a winner now. Your compliments cheer me to tears. Two weeks ago, I made my professional debut as a paid storyteller for children. Because of comments like yours, I now know I can write children's stories. Thank you, fimarie78, for your review.
Comment from Stephanie Burster
A good piece of writing especially with the history of Jack-O-Lanterns and the ghostly fire brigade a young human boy enlisted to help the fire brigade take down the fires. Very imaginative
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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A good piece of writing especially with the history of Jack-O-Lanterns and the ghostly fire brigade a young human boy enlisted to help the fire brigade take down the fires. Very imaginative
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Oh, thank you, Stephanie, for your review. I first wrote and published "The Ghost Pumpkin Fire Brigade" twenty-nine years ago in a firefighters'' magazine. I am amazed at the imagination I used to write it. I am pleased that you found this story entertaining.
Comment from Aiona
What a cute story! Nicely written and engaging to the end! I did not see any typos.
How did he know though, at the beginning, that it was the Ghost Fire Brigade? Did they look like real people? Or was it only when he said, "We're short of ghost firemen," that he realized who they were?
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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What a cute story! Nicely written and engaging to the end! I did not see any typos.
How did he know though, at the beginning, that it was the Ghost Fire Brigade? Did they look like real people? Or was it only when he said, "We're short of ghost firemen," that he realized who they were?
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Aiona, for your review and questions. I first wrote and published "The Ghost Pumpkin Fire Brigade" twenty-nine years ago in a firefighters magazine. Feedback such as yours will allow me to revise and publish this story a second time. Thanks for your review.
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Thank you. I fixed the problems you pointed out with your questions. The story is even better. Thanks.
Comment from c_lucas
Prejudice has no place in today's world. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Prejudice has no place in today's world. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Yes, c_lucas, when I think too much, I am horrified that bigots set my family's house on fire on Halloween night. The fire was on the back porch right outside my window. If it was not for my neighbors, I may not be here right now. I am amazed that I took that incident and wove it into a fantasy Halloween story. That was how my mind worked. Thank you for your review.
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If the bigots like fire, strip them, cover them with honey and tied the down over a fire ant hill.
Comment from barkingdog
This is a top-notch entry.I love how you tied the legend of Stingy Jack together with a ghost fireman brigade. What a marvelous dream ... or was it? hee-hee.
When Jonathan found the badge in his trick-or-treat bag, that was the icing on the cake.
Your story had it all--drama, excitement, the supernatural, a boy riding on an old-fashioned fire engine(fantastic image), him being taken into the sky by Jack and so much more.
Good dialogue, too.
Best of luck in the contest.
:) e
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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This is a top-notch entry.I love how you tied the legend of Stingy Jack together with a ghost fireman brigade. What a marvelous dream ... or was it? hee-hee.
When Jonathan found the badge in his trick-or-treat bag, that was the icing on the cake.
Your story had it all--drama, excitement, the supernatural, a boy riding on an old-fashioned fire engine(fantastic image), him being taken into the sky by Jack and so much more.
Good dialogue, too.
Best of luck in the contest.
:) e
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Oh, thank you, barkingdog, for your review. I first wrote and published "The Ghost Pumpkin Fire Brigade" twenty-nine years ago in a firefighters magazine. Looking back, I am amazed at my creativity and imagination back then in my first published story. Oh, how I wish to take a Halloween night ride with Captain Saint George and his G.P.F.B! Thank you for your contest well wishes, too.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This was a well written piece. Grammatically sound and engaging for the reader. Best of luck in the voting booths.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Hi there,
This was a well written piece. Grammatically sound and engaging for the reader. Best of luck in the voting booths.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you, G, for your review and contest well wishes. It is always a pleasure when you stop by to review my work.
Comment from Halfree
You have a very good children's story lost in waves of words. Perhaps something along these limes "Jonathan awoke to the sounds of shouting men, snorting and neighing horses. He kicked back the covers and stumbled to the orange flickering window of his bedroom."
Do not think a young boy would first grab his robe and go to the window, he might stumble to the window grabbing at his robe.
Second paragraph....no need to tell the reader that this is a ghost brigade, a reader will make the connection by the way the story develops.
Think this is a cracker jack story in need of a rewrite...I would like to read this after a rewrite...pretty good story line.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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You have a very good children's story lost in waves of words. Perhaps something along these limes "Jonathan awoke to the sounds of shouting men, snorting and neighing horses. He kicked back the covers and stumbled to the orange flickering window of his bedroom."
Do not think a young boy would first grab his robe and go to the window, he might stumble to the window grabbing at his robe.
Second paragraph....no need to tell the reader that this is a ghost brigade, a reader will make the connection by the way the story develops.
Think this is a cracker jack story in need of a rewrite...I would like to read this after a rewrite...pretty good story line.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Halfree, for your review and comments. I first published "The Ghost Pumpkin Fire Brigade" twenty-nine years ago in a firefighters magazine. It was my first published story. I am making an attempt to publish it a second time in a journal. Your suggestions will help in my revisions. Thank you again for your review of my "cracker jack story."
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The story is good just think it can be better. Well, that's an opinion and is worth very little. I really like the story, especially the dream ending .
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Yes, in revising my story last night, I found ways to improve it, because the way I wrote twenty-nine years ago during its first publication is different from the way I write today. I eliminated passive, colorless verbs like "was" and replaced them with stronger verbs. I am sure there are other areas I can improve before I publish this story a second time. Thank you again for your comments and review.
Comment from Ricky1024
Really enjoyed this children's dream turned ghost story turned dream and then into reality in with the sign badge based on fact not fiction of a black family who had their porch set on fire in order to scared I'm out of a predominant waiting neighborhood the same things happen with crosses that are burned on the front lawn very nice family I heard of had to go through that experience very very religious family it's a shame that in today's modern days are still bigotry there's still the KKK there's still lynchings going on in the dark of the woods dragons from old and rusty pickup trucks it's never going to end Martin Luther King died trying a woman who decided not to sit at the back of the bus and SAT in the front is another example of dominant will and then Domino will of human spirit not to allow controversy in the time of fear weather Services fear or any kind of fear pride and fear go hand in hand and the name of that person is called the boss man this holiday season you could call him the boogie man he's out there is watching he's hoping he can get his hand in the jack-o-lantern of treats satisfy his sloth and gluttony that goes from his top of the head to the bottom of the sheet so again I thoroughly enjoyed this song I'd love to write children's stories I have written several books my most recent shed more cheers fairy tales and fables that's Mary by Annie Oakley and my own personal style of teaching lessons this would have made a good one if I thought of it because the lesson learned is even a child can have indomitable courage in the face of evil in that case it would have been them the blue flames jack-o-lanterns setting fires or cross. 300 mile radius I dedicate this review to not only all the brave farm and if he has the way in the past 10 future to come including the 9118 episode September 11th 2001 but I also dedicate this to the survivors the dreamers who had set in bed hooked up to IV suffering from kidney disease to those who are waited a fart and/or a long two days away today liver pancreas horny as for the gift of sight and to all who run the sensors from Philadelphia with Laura s Moretti elsw to Washington state all the gift of life centers all the wonderful people who come to us during our time of fear needed after losing a family member such as myself in 03 with my son Jason and to all of those who were not aware of the deed that I need their organs were going to do to see those who prayed unfortunately for a miracle through a tragedy that day to chads who has My sons heart and lungs now for 12 years to build who has his left kidney to an unknown man from Philadelphia who had my sons with her for years until we finally passed away and finally to my fifth daughter and I know now 22 year old South Jersey female who I responded to in two letters in this I'm still waiting the reply even though I did not create this young woman I threw my son and my wife's creation in Jesus Christ and the gift of life for my wife was not meant to be able to create witch through the spirit of pure tragedy fate and destiny my son's organs that were donated almost 13 years ago still bring life to the lucky 3 Ricky 10:24
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Really enjoyed this children's dream turned ghost story turned dream and then into reality in with the sign badge based on fact not fiction of a black family who had their porch set on fire in order to scared I'm out of a predominant waiting neighborhood the same things happen with crosses that are burned on the front lawn very nice family I heard of had to go through that experience very very religious family it's a shame that in today's modern days are still bigotry there's still the KKK there's still lynchings going on in the dark of the woods dragons from old and rusty pickup trucks it's never going to end Martin Luther King died trying a woman who decided not to sit at the back of the bus and SAT in the front is another example of dominant will and then Domino will of human spirit not to allow controversy in the time of fear weather Services fear or any kind of fear pride and fear go hand in hand and the name of that person is called the boss man this holiday season you could call him the boogie man he's out there is watching he's hoping he can get his hand in the jack-o-lantern of treats satisfy his sloth and gluttony that goes from his top of the head to the bottom of the sheet so again I thoroughly enjoyed this song I'd love to write children's stories I have written several books my most recent shed more cheers fairy tales and fables that's Mary by Annie Oakley and my own personal style of teaching lessons this would have made a good one if I thought of it because the lesson learned is even a child can have indomitable courage in the face of evil in that case it would have been them the blue flames jack-o-lanterns setting fires or cross. 300 mile radius I dedicate this review to not only all the brave farm and if he has the way in the past 10 future to come including the 9118 episode September 11th 2001 but I also dedicate this to the survivors the dreamers who had set in bed hooked up to IV suffering from kidney disease to those who are waited a fart and/or a long two days away today liver pancreas horny as for the gift of sight and to all who run the sensors from Philadelphia with Laura s Moretti elsw to Washington state all the gift of life centers all the wonderful people who come to us during our time of fear needed after losing a family member such as myself in 03 with my son Jason and to all of those who were not aware of the deed that I need their organs were going to do to see those who prayed unfortunately for a miracle through a tragedy that day to chads who has My sons heart and lungs now for 12 years to build who has his left kidney to an unknown man from Philadelphia who had my sons with her for years until we finally passed away and finally to my fifth daughter and I know now 22 year old South Jersey female who I responded to in two letters in this I'm still waiting the reply even though I did not create this young woman I threw my son and my wife's creation in Jesus Christ and the gift of life for my wife was not meant to be able to create witch through the spirit of pure tragedy fate and destiny my son's organs that were donated almost 13 years ago still bring life to the lucky 3 Ricky 10:24
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you for your heartfelt and powerful review and for sharing the story of your son's gift of organs and life to the lucky three. It is amazing how people can take tragedy to propel them to do something good, find something good in others, or themselves. Such was the case when bigots set my house on fire on Halloween night. My bedroom was closest to the back porch. I saw the flames and heard the perpetrators run along the house, whispering and laughing. More than ten years later, this incident formed the seed for my first published story. I am glad I was able to share it with you today. Thank you, Ricky, for your review.
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So sorry dear to hear about your experience 10 years ago thank God you survived on your table write about it as you well know those few individuals will be the remaining few during the time of the apocalypse when all good things have died and gone to the better place these few individuals that remain behind will suffocate in their own sorrow means is hI saw all of the evil breathing units that are left will suffocate and die a miserable death of course just theory but I hope it can bring you a little comfort thank you for your kind thoughts of my sons passing he would be 31 years old coming up this November 5th he did bring life to free still alive and living in one who had passed away after 8 years UC people like that are created angels people like that do know their purpose there much much wiser than you can imagine don't be mistaken by their youth whether a six year old child born with a deficiency of cerebral palsy MS or retardation believe you me those angels are here to teach us to smile constantly they're happy in their present state they will be well taken care of I beloved family members who feel guilty for the mishap their children's mishap their brothers and sisters mishap but they still no less love them last those are a different type of angel than my son my son with a what I call a gifting angel to live by and bring life to others such as Jesus Christ knew he would die on his cross for the sins of humanity so did my son I have proof with a picture taken 20 minutes before his car accident where he will never recover as in a coma suffering from severe brain damage in oxygen lost He exists yesterday and others he is missed today and love my sisters and friends who would call him a brother missed my father's is my mother's miss by as many teachers in his community and forever will be missed and honored by me Ricky 10:24 review coming from a ZTE Android due to the fact that I am in rehab center with a titanium steel rod in my right leg attached with screws in numerous places and plates in for segmented broken pieces of bone my rapid recovery will show that not only will I be out of here Friday the 29th but couple days later I will walk into my church where I'm a Mormon priest unassisted possibly in need of a walker or I can hop I'm not supposed to be utilizing the leg and any degree with any weight for 4 months the actual driver was coming from the church I was going to Services was over because I went to another service and another church but fate had its mission and destiny had her date with me as God continues to test us and make us better beings to strengthen us through the seemingly heartfelt missions weather severe accidents as this is my third bicycle car accident 2 motorcycle accidents in one accident right to the brand new Lincoln I fell asleep at the wheel Ricky 1024
Comment from Jacob Collins
This was a very apt story for Halloween and a good competition entry. I thought that you captured the scene well and particularly Jonathon's curiosity. A well penned tale, I couldn't find any faults. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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This was a very apt story for Halloween and a good competition entry. I thought that you captured the scene well and particularly Jonathon's curiosity. A well penned tale, I couldn't find any faults. Good luck in the contest...Jacob
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Jacob, for your review of my "well penned tale" I first published twenty-nine years ago in a firefighters magazine. Thank you also for wishing me good luck in the contest.