2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "haiku suite (on a warm day)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
55 total reviews
Comment from Ben Colder
This is a good challenge for the poet. I never found anything wrong. Seems to be a contender and who knows, it could be a winner. Best to you
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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This is a good challenge for the poet. I never found anything wrong. Seems to be a contender and who knows, it could be a winner. Best to you
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words. :)
Comment from Benny Beeharry
Hi this is an absolutely brilliant piece of writing
The words are seemingly chosen to say a lot and they do . I like the way the words click into one another and the bueautiful ending . Birthcontrol.. Great
Benny Beeharry
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Hi this is an absolutely brilliant piece of writing
The words are seemingly chosen to say a lot and they do . I like the way the words click into one another and the bueautiful ending . Birthcontrol.. Great
Benny Beeharry
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words. :)
Comment from NJK62
I particularly liked the witty satori line in the third haiku in this collection, though some of its effect is undermined by the use of the word 'deafened'. Whilst 'deafened' conveys the level of sound I'm not sure it is possible to 'deafen...a mating call'. Perhaps the word 'drowned' might be more effective particularly in the context of a waterfall? The satori line in the first haiku is also highly effective with a clever and effective play on the idea of 'stream'. The second haiku for me, however, lacked the wit and inventiveness of the first and last. Nevertheless, there's some successful writing here. I wish you well in the competition.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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I particularly liked the witty satori line in the third haiku in this collection, though some of its effect is undermined by the use of the word 'deafened'. Whilst 'deafened' conveys the level of sound I'm not sure it is possible to 'deafen...a mating call'. Perhaps the word 'drowned' might be more effective particularly in the context of a waterfall? The satori line in the first haiku is also highly effective with a clever and effective play on the idea of 'stream'. The second haiku for me, however, lacked the wit and inventiveness of the first and last. Nevertheless, there's some successful writing here. I wish you well in the competition.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words. :)
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No problem.
Comment from anabellapongasi
This is a nice suite of haiku with a water theme. I enjoyed the imagery in each of the 3 haiku as well as their satori lines. The satori of the third haiku I find kinda sad because I don't think those birds need birth control (unlike humans!) and nature as such should always encourage them to multiply (until man interferes :( )
Anyways, I enjoyed reading this entry. Best to you in the contest.
Blessings,
Anabella
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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This is a nice suite of haiku with a water theme. I enjoyed the imagery in each of the 3 haiku as well as their satori lines. The satori of the third haiku I find kinda sad because I don't think those birds need birth control (unlike humans!) and nature as such should always encourage them to multiply (until man interferes :( )
Anyways, I enjoyed reading this entry. Best to you in the contest.
Blessings,
Anabella
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words. :)
Comment from misscookie
I know your a wonderful writer, because even without artwork posted.
As I read your refreshing poem.
I could vision everything you wrote.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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I know your a wonderful writer, because even without artwork posted.
As I read your refreshing poem.
I could vision everything you wrote.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Thank you Cookie, I appreciate your review and kind words.
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You're very welcome, it was my pleasure.
Cookie
Comment from c_lucas
Three very well short poem. M favorite is the middle one. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Wishing you luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Three very well short poem. M favorite is the middle one. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Wishing you luck in your contest.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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thank you c lucas :)
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You're welcome. Charlie
Comment from rjuselius
this is an exquisite haiku suite dear anonymous! i love how you have found so much depth into your poems that it makes me nearly green with envy:)
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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this is an exquisite haiku suite dear anonymous! i love how you have found so much depth into your poems that it makes me nearly green with envy:)
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Thank you Rebekka :) I really appreciate your review and kind words.
Comment from azwildrosa
Great imagery. Your poem flows nice from beginning to end. I can see myself being there. I can feel the rain. The ending puts a smile on my face. In fact, brings a little laugh out. Thank you for your share.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Great imagery. Your poem flows nice from beginning to end. I can see myself being there. I can feel the rain. The ending puts a smile on my face. In fact, brings a little laugh out. Thank you for your share.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words.
Comment from Dean Kuch
These are all g-r-r-r-e-a-t, Anonymous poet! You may want to look them over again, however, in conjunction with the rules. For example, the rules state that each haiku may not contain only one repeating letter in each. Let's look at your first haiku...
on a warm day--------------"w" is used
cool brook runs through quiet woods----here, the letters "t" and "w" are used...
zen stream of thought---and here, "t" is used once again. Same haiku, two repeating letters.
The two after this one are fine and in compliance with the rules. If I'm interpreting the rules correctly, the first haiku could cause you to be disqualified. I thought I'd let you know before that happened.
Good luck!
~Dean ;)
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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These are all g-r-r-r-e-a-t, Anonymous poet! You may want to look them over again, however, in conjunction with the rules. For example, the rules state that each haiku may not contain only one repeating letter in each. Let's look at your first haiku...
on a warm day--------------"w" is used
cool brook runs through quiet woods----here, the letters "t" and "w" are used...
zen stream of thought---and here, "t" is used once again. Same haiku, two repeating letters.
The two after this one are fine and in compliance with the rules. If I'm interpreting the rules correctly, the first haiku could cause you to be disqualified. I thought I'd let you know before that happened.
Good luck!
~Dean ;)
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Thank you Dean, I really appreciate your review and feed back. :)
Rule number 3 had me confused too but the way I interpret it is that you can have two words in each haiku that start with the same letter (warm and woods), and I may use two other words with a different same first letter (thought and through)
copied from contest rules:
3) only TWO words in EACH haiku may start with the same letter ('as/and/the' don't count) . You may use two words with the same first letter and two OTHER words with a DIFFERENT same first letter in each haiku)
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I wasn't sure how to interpret that rule, "G". Now that you've explained it, I think I get it. :)
You know you are always welcome.
~Dean
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Thank you Dean :)
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You're very welcome. ;)
Comment from Joy Graham
I can feel the warm weather on this warm day, and hear the water running through the brook.
The rain makes me want to hide under those willow trees, but I will have to find shelter elsewhere if it's raining under them.
They say the best form of birth control is to hang out with crying babies. This is the first I heard of bird of paradise mating calls being a form of birth control lol!
You created some magical scenery and sounds in this haiku suite. Good luck to you in this contest.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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I can feel the warm weather on this warm day, and hear the water running through the brook.
The rain makes me want to hide under those willow trees, but I will have to find shelter elsewhere if it's raining under them.
They say the best form of birth control is to hang out with crying babies. This is the first I heard of bird of paradise mating calls being a form of birth control lol!
You created some magical scenery and sounds in this haiku suite. Good luck to you in this contest.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Thank you Joy :)