Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Don't Worry"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
47 total reviews
Comment from IndianaIrish
Carol, congratulations on your "Write About This" story that placed in the contest. I'm so glad this story had a happy ending. You describe the fear well, but would like to read some specific body reactions to the news. I liked the way Jamie comforted his mom.
"Frank choked. His eyes watered." This seemed out of place here. Usually, only conversation is expressed from the person on the other end of a phone call.
Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Carol, congratulations on your "Write About This" story that placed in the contest. I'm so glad this story had a happy ending. You describe the fear well, but would like to read some specific body reactions to the news. I liked the way Jamie comforted his mom.
"Frank choked. His eyes watered." This seemed out of place here. Usually, only conversation is expressed from the person on the other end of a phone call.
Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Karyn, thanks for stopping by. Flash fiction is not what I like to write but it's a start back down the road for me. I appreciate your comments and hope you have a great day! Thank you!
Comment from abbasjoy
Wow! I was at the edge of my seat fearing the worst that Frank was dead. It's funny how children, even the young ones can sense exactly what is going on with you, just by how you respond to them.Fortunately for this wife, all turned out well.
I guess that was the whole point of the Flash fiction to get you thinking one way, that for sure Frank was dead, meanwhile the opposite happens.
Well done.
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Wow! I was at the edge of my seat fearing the worst that Frank was dead. It's funny how children, even the young ones can sense exactly what is going on with you, just by how you respond to them.Fortunately for this wife, all turned out well.
I guess that was the whole point of the Flash fiction to get you thinking one way, that for sure Frank was dead, meanwhile the opposite happens.
Well done.
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Thank you for enjoying the flash fiction post and your kind comments. Have a great day!
Comment from humpwhistle
I like your story, and I wish you well in the contest. Jut a couple of things from a writer's point of view.
Traditionally, the reader can't see the people at BOTH ends of a telephone conversation.
Secondly, you seem fond of phrases like 'fear engulfed her' and 'Paralysis claimed her body'. These are 'telling' phrases. There is much more drama to had by 'showing' these things.
Just my opinion.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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I like your story, and I wish you well in the contest. Jut a couple of things from a writer's point of view.
Traditionally, the reader can't see the people at BOTH ends of a telephone conversation.
Secondly, you seem fond of phrases like 'fear engulfed her' and 'Paralysis claimed her body'. These are 'telling' phrases. There is much more drama to had by 'showing' these things.
Just my opinion.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Thank you for your kind comments and suggestions. Been out of the writing groove for a long time so it helps when others appreciate my posts and also help dust off the rust, lol Have a great day!
Comment from NicoleValentin
Very good story - I like happy endings! The only thing that I thought was a little misplaced was "his eyes watered." It seems a little unnecessary because she couldn't see him and eyes watering doesn't really come across on a phone. Just my opinion though!
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Very good story - I like happy endings! The only thing that I thought was a little misplaced was "his eyes watered." It seems a little unnecessary because she couldn't see him and eyes watering doesn't really come across on a phone. Just my opinion though!
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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thank you for your kind comments and suggestions. Have a great day!
Comment from Tatarka2
This is such a powerful story, and entry in this contest. I wish you the best of luck. I thought this was well-written and perfectly formatted for this site. I held my breath as I read it, hoping the husband would be OK. The ending was satisfying and a relief, as well. I'm so glad you ended the story the way you did. You kept the reader (me) intrigued to the end, and that's the test of a good story, isn't it?
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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This is such a powerful story, and entry in this contest. I wish you the best of luck. I thought this was well-written and perfectly formatted for this site. I held my breath as I read it, hoping the husband would be OK. The ending was satisfying and a relief, as well. I'm so glad you ended the story the way you did. You kept the reader (me) intrigued to the end, and that's the test of a good story, isn't it?
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Thank you for reading, enjoying and commenting. I appreciate your thoughts. Have a great day!
Comment from Dean Kuch
You've built the tension well in your flash fiction tale. It's a realistic, well written story of how one thing can topple your seemingly impenetrable fortress-like life in the blink of an eye. The happy ending was a nice addition too.
Well done, and best of luck to you in the contest. ~Dean
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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You've built the tension well in your flash fiction tale. It's a realistic, well written story of how one thing can topple your seemingly impenetrable fortress-like life in the blink of an eye. The happy ending was a nice addition too.
Well done, and best of luck to you in the contest. ~Dean
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 08-May-2015
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Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my post. I appreciate it very much. Have a great day!
Comment from Sasha
Excellent work with this. I find flash fiction very hard, but you did a great job. This is filled with honest emotion, real tension, and thank you for the uplifting ending. I was feeling the tension too. This is a terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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Excellent work with this. I find flash fiction very hard, but you did a great job. This is filled with honest emotion, real tension, and thank you for the uplifting ending. I was feeling the tension too. This is a terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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Thanks Sasha...I too find flash fiction difficult. not my favorite style to write. but it's a good way to get back into the writing groove, especially since my time is limited. Appreciate the kind words and best wishes. Smiles to you...Have a great day
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Worry Warts. That's all we are. If only we would listen to the One we need to listen to. Your story paints this message vividly. Well done. Write on.
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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Worry Warts. That's all we are. If only we would listen to the One we need to listen to. Your story paints this message vividly. Well done. Write on.
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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Thank you for your kind words. The past months have been filled with one tragedy after another. Returning to writing and expressing my feelings within the story lines I write seems so beneficial. Without my faith, I believe I would be lost. Appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Have a great day!
Comment from marion
Hi there,
I enjoyed your entry for the flash fiction competition. Good Luck. I don't know if a nurse would use the words, 'Banged up a little' when calling from the hospital. I may be wrong!
Here are a few edits for you to look at.
morning,(space)God.
wouldn't form.. (double full stop)
eternity..(double full stop)
'Don't cry! Don't you dare cry! You can't scare Jamie.' (If you use italics, then you don't require thought tags)
"(extra space)It's a skyscraper
He didn't seem to notice. (what did he not seem to notice)
hand.. (double full stop)
I was scared.(space)You said you were, too.
Marion.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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Hi there,
I enjoyed your entry for the flash fiction competition. Good Luck. I don't know if a nurse would use the words, 'Banged up a little' when calling from the hospital. I may be wrong!
Here are a few edits for you to look at.
morning,(space)God.
wouldn't form.. (double full stop)
eternity..(double full stop)
'Don't cry! Don't you dare cry! You can't scare Jamie.' (If you use italics, then you don't require thought tags)
"(extra space)It's a skyscraper
He didn't seem to notice. (what did he not seem to notice)
hand.. (double full stop)
I was scared.(space)You said you were, too.
Marion.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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My, my, my...that's how I felt this morning as I recognized the errors.... Appears these old eyes don't see well at night and haste makes waste. I truly appreciate you seeing all those extra dots on the page for me..LOL Maybe I need a proof reader or a new set of glasses. Thanks for helping me out. Thanks for enjoying my post. Have a great day!
Comment from jpduck
Wow, this is good. Superb use of short, terse sentences splendidly increases the tension. The strain of Lillian having to balance her anxiety with the need to avoid alarming her boy is very well drawn. Best of luck with the contest.
Adrian
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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Wow, this is good. Superb use of short, terse sentences splendidly increases the tension. The strain of Lillian having to balance her anxiety with the need to avoid alarming her boy is very well drawn. Best of luck with the contest.
Adrian
Comment Written 01-May-2015
reply by the author on 01-May-2015
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Oh wow...My writer friend, thank you for the kind words and especially for the glitter in stars. Flash fiction isn't really my style, but knowing others appreciate my writing is. You have made my day! Thanks for taking the time to read, comment and wish me well. Have a great day!
