Beautiful Mouth
100 word dash contest39 total reviews
Comment from Louise G 23
Hahaha - this is brilliant! I so wish I had six stars left. Wonderfully creative, funny and extremely well written.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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Hahaha - this is brilliant! I so wish I had six stars left. Wonderfully creative, funny and extremely well written.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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Thank you for stopping by to read and share.
John
Comment from penneylane
This was hilarious! The whole time you're thinking its one thing, and I'm thinking to myself, Jesus why didn't this girl put a disclaimer on this. Then you get to the bottom and crack up laughing! Well played!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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This was hilarious! The whole time you're thinking its one thing, and I'm thinking to myself, Jesus why didn't this girl put a disclaimer on this. Then you get to the bottom and crack up laughing! Well played!
Comment Written 04-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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This girl ( my name is John) didn't think to.
Ha...
Thank you for reading. John
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oh dear, so embarrassing, didn't really look at your profile to see that you are not a female. my apologies:/
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I'm not offended. How would have you known...its kind of funny actually... John
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Very clever with the prick and emotions. What's going on? So close?
Big smiles of happiness? Great entry for the contest with a few words.
Kept me reading. flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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Very clever with the prick and emotions. What's going on? So close?
Big smiles of happiness? Great entry for the contest with a few words.
Kept me reading. flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this short 100 worded.
John
Comment from Cajungirl
hahaha, this is sooo funny. You certainly kept this reader handing on each and every word. Great job. Best of luck in the contest.
one thing dfirst - drop the d
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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hahaha, this is sooo funny. You certainly kept this reader handing on each and every word. Great job. Best of luck in the contest.
one thing dfirst - drop the d
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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Thank you Cajungirl.
Have a happy Easter.
John
Comment from rama devi
Ha ha ha. This would have made a great April Fool's Day post. A good gotchya twist in the end. Good job on double entendres (backwards!!)
note one typo (unwanted 'd'):
His dfirst penetrating move
usually, micro-fiction will be trimmed of all unnecessary words, so I suggest trimming off the speech tag here:
"Don't swallow this time," he said.
Also, i believe the contest requires exactly 100 words? (Or is it 100 or less?) You might want to double check, just to be sure your entry complies with the directives precisely.
If it needs to be 100, and you trim off HE SAID, the you can add three more words somewhere. Maybe a three-word descriptive of how she felt when it was over, or a physical sensation. Example: Her shoulders relaxed. Three words can enhance the reader's perception of the protagonist.
Good luck in the contest.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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Ha ha ha. This would have made a great April Fool's Day post. A good gotchya twist in the end. Good job on double entendres (backwards!!)
note one typo (unwanted 'd'):
His dfirst penetrating move
usually, micro-fiction will be trimmed of all unnecessary words, so I suggest trimming off the speech tag here:
"Don't swallow this time," he said.
Also, i believe the contest requires exactly 100 words? (Or is it 100 or less?) You might want to double check, just to be sure your entry complies with the directives precisely.
If it needs to be 100, and you trim off HE SAID, the you can add three more words somewhere. Maybe a three-word descriptive of how she felt when it was over, or a physical sensation. Example: Her shoulders relaxed. Three words can enhance the reader's perception of the protagonist.
Good luck in the contest.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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Rama, hello...
Thank you for the great review.
I've made notes from your suggestions, thanks.
John
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Thank you...glad to be of help. Warmly, rd
Comment from DictionaryGirl
I loved the ending, I thought it was super funny! Cute piece... though it feels a little strange calling this type of writing cute :-)
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2015
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I loved the ending, I thought it was super funny! Cute piece... though it feels a little strange calling this type of writing cute :-)
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2015
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Four stsrs or fewer require suggestions for improvements or detailed corrections... Your four stars do jot seem to match your wording..,
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I went back and gave you five stars. I would have liked it to be a little longer and there were some changes that I thought could be made. When I saw your comment I thought I would go back and re-read it and give you a few ideas of things I would like, then I saw that it was for a contest or something, anyway you were limited to 100 words. That would explain a lot of things that I had questions about! So sorry about that. Happy writing.
Comment from meggie13
She went t the dentist to have her teeth cleaned. He told her to come in six months. Well written with good imagery. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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She went t the dentist to have her teeth cleaned. He told her to come in six months. Well written with good imagery. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2015
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Thank you megge. John
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You are welcome, John. meg
Comment from patcelaw
This is a clever 99 word story. As one read through it one wonders just what is happening and in the end it was a surprise to find she was at the dentist. I was thinking her boyfriend was giving her French kisses. That just goes to show I didn't just ahead to the end. Patricia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2015
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This is a clever 99 word story. As one read through it one wonders just what is happening and in the end it was a surprise to find she was at the dentist. I was thinking her boyfriend was giving her French kisses. That just goes to show I didn't just ahead to the end. Patricia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2015
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Thank you for the review. Always appreciated. Johnson.
Comment from Janet7053
This doesn't sound like a cleaning. It sounds more like a numbing to prepare for an extraction. If i am missing something, please enlighten.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2015
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This doesn't sound like a cleaning. It sounds more like a numbing to prepare for an extraction. If i am missing something, please enlighten.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2015
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Thank you. John