Comment from Sankey

Excellent

Saw one little spelling error went to look for it again unsuccessfully. What a great ide. If things were different here I am sure we would try that too.

 Comment Written 23-Dec-2014

---

reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014

I found it!! Know/no. Sometimes the people we take care of are a little put off, but it is good for them to develop some trust too. We have pretty good instinct having taken care of folks for years. It adds a lot to the enjoyment of everything.

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

So, what part of it is fictional. The hardest part for me to accept is that you are married. Don't ask me why. I picture you as being retired and single. You write too much to be employed ... or married.

I really enjoyed your story, but I enjoy all your stories. I DO wish you would post more about the homeless poet. Perhaps next year.

I had know idea who this man was or what he was capable was. [I had NO idea...]



This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 23-Dec-2014

---

reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014

That's how my wife and my clients picture me too!!! I take care of mentally ill people, so I work at home and unless they have a crisis I don't have a lot to do, pass out meds, make meals etc. I've got everyone properly medicated and in a good way as we've been together several years now. So, it is just a bunch of crazy people living together. My wife and I just celebrated 27 years. She claims to only ever see the back of my head as I type into my laptop. I turn around regularly to say hello. Actually, this is all true, I felt it would be easier for people to take as fiction. It sounds to self promoting as non fiction and I don't want that to be the focus. Or is it that you can't imagine anyone could handle being married to me or hire me? Hahaha!!! mikey

reply by Jay Squires on 23-Dec-2014

No, Mikey, you love life. I'm In awe. Are you a Psychiatrist?

Comment from nor84

Excellent

Thus, the 'bring someone home to enjoy our family Christmas' plan came into being.>>> No need for the apostrophe on Christmas.

The evening included Christmas diner, the opportunity to (sing along with) sing-a-long with our amateur[,] but well-meaning[,] renditions of Christmas carols and, finally, a bed with a feather-down quilt for the evening.>>>>commas in brackets not needed. to sing along with is a prepositional phrase, so hyphens not needed in sing-a-long, which is a noun: Let's have a sing-a-long.

I had (no) know idea who this man was or what he was capable was.

You're a brave man, Mikey. As you said, you have no idea who these people are or what they're capable of.

Now, about those speech tags... interjected? continued? tsk, tsk. 'said' is invisible, if you need it at all in a two-way conversation.





This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 23-Dec-2014

---

reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014

Great tips, thank you. I'm backwards on speech tags. I try to avoid "he said, she said". I don't like to use them at all, but then I start worrying that people won't know who is speaking. I actually became paranoid and added those. :) I'll look at it again and maybe remove them altogether. It is just the two of them speaking. Thank you! mikey

reply by nor84 on 23-Dec-2014

Then us a "beat." Have someone do something, and put it right next to what he just said. For example:

"Great coffee." Mary set her cup back in its saucer.

"Why are we talking about coffee?"

Now, if you've already set up that only John and Mary are in the scene, that's all you need for a bit. The reader can follow the back and forth of a two-way conversation. But really, Mike, ANY book about writing will tell you 'said/asked' are invisible to the reader. Using other tags break the illusion and remind the reader he's reading. You want him living the story virtually, as the main character. I agree with Dean Koontz that there's nothing wrong with an occasional he shouted, whispered or murmured or muttered. But the key word is occasional.

reply by the author on 23-Dec-2014

Oh. Excellent, yes I see all of that. Hammer out, beating into brain... thank you!!

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Exceptional

The master at work again and what a piece. Wish it was all true.
Wish everyone could have the courage to do half of what you do. I do not even though I have been there. This is a story of hope in a time of one needed

 Comment Written 23-Dec-2014