My awkward heart, revived.
A Triolet.38 total reviews
Comment from Pili Pubul
What a truly delightful Triolet, tender. , romantic
love poem with a wonderful sense of humor.
I wish you luck in the contest . Pili
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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What a truly delightful Triolet, tender. , romantic
love poem with a wonderful sense of humor.
I wish you luck in the contest . Pili
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Thanks for your kind review and appreciating the humor in it. Have a good week, Ine
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You are so welcome. Feel good. Pili
Comment from Dean Kuch
A romantic and very lovely triolet, Ine. It reads genuine and real, a very heartfelt and touching write. Your structure seemed fine to me, but I've been disqualified twice this past week alone, and accused of plagiarism forcing me to withdraw from another, so perhaps I'm not the best judge there is out there as it pertains to "structured poetry". However, I do know what I like, and I really liked this.
Good luck! ~Dean
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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A romantic and very lovely triolet, Ine. It reads genuine and real, a very heartfelt and touching write. Your structure seemed fine to me, but I've been disqualified twice this past week alone, and accused of plagiarism forcing me to withdraw from another, so perhaps I'm not the best judge there is out there as it pertains to "structured poetry". However, I do know what I like, and I really liked this.
Good luck! ~Dean
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Thanks for your kind review. Sorry you got accused. Have a nice week.
Comment from judiverse
Hi, ine. "My awkward heart" is an ingenious idea. You carry out the thought so well with having no right foot and then tripping because of it. A great way to characterize a person who is hesitant about expressing love for the person to whom he or she is attracted. The idea of the heart skipping a beat when the loved on around is well carried out. Interesting poem, and best of luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Hi, ine. "My awkward heart" is an ingenious idea. You carry out the thought so well with having no right foot and then tripping because of it. A great way to characterize a person who is hesitant about expressing love for the person to whom he or she is attracted. The idea of the heart skipping a beat when the loved on around is well carried out. Interesting poem, and best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Thanks for your kind review. Have a nice week, Ine
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You're so welcome. judi
Comment from ProSongwriter
Hi!
I think a lot of folks can relate to this one! been there ... dine that!
Very nicely done. I enjoyed my read. Wishing you good luck in the contest!
Alan
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Hi!
I think a lot of folks can relate to this one! been there ... dine that!
Very nicely done. I enjoyed my read. Wishing you good luck in the contest!
Alan
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Thanks for your kind review, Alan. Have a nice week, Ine
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You are welcome. It was my pleasure!
Comment from Domino 2
One of your very best poems ever, Ine.
Skilfully written triolet, and great fun, too.
Inspired to personify the heart as an un-skilled dancer...and it IS, as it often operates on whims, without practicing first. :-)
Excellent flow in your words.
Loved this one!
Good luck and best wishes, Ray xx
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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One of your very best poems ever, Ine.
Skilfully written triolet, and great fun, too.
Inspired to personify the heart as an un-skilled dancer...and it IS, as it often operates on whims, without practicing first. :-)
Excellent flow in your words.
Loved this one!
Good luck and best wishes, Ray xx
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Thanks for your kind and praisng review. Have a nice week, Ine
Comment from Dutchie
Beautiful this triolet, Ine. I tried it once, but the art of a triolet is finding the perfect repeating line. You did!!! When we met the one we love, our heart skip a beat or beats faster as usual. Good luck in the contest!!! Fia
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Beautiful this triolet, Ine. I tried it once, but the art of a triolet is finding the perfect repeating line. You did!!! When we met the one we love, our heart skip a beat or beats faster as usual. Good luck in the contest!!! Fia
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Thanks for your kind review. Have a nice week, Ine
Comment from mfowler
Good triolet form
Produces a nice rhythm, despite the awkward heart
Clever way of saying 'you confound me; I love the sight of you, but trip over my tongue trying to impress'; and other words to that effect
You maintain a great little extended metaphor about the clumsy feet
It affects your run, your movement, your response to the object of your affection
'My awkward heart has no right feet ', a catchy line to choose as refrain. The image is immediate, although the feet/heart metaphor is oddly paired...LOL
Good luck in the voting.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Good triolet form
Produces a nice rhythm, despite the awkward heart
Clever way of saying 'you confound me; I love the sight of you, but trip over my tongue trying to impress'; and other words to that effect
You maintain a great little extended metaphor about the clumsy feet
It affects your run, your movement, your response to the object of your affection
'My awkward heart has no right feet ', a catchy line to choose as refrain. The image is immediate, although the feet/heart metaphor is oddly paired...LOL
Good luck in the voting.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Thanks for your kind and thorough review. Have a nice week, Ine
Comment from c_lucas
When we see the right person for us, it is not uncommon for our heart to act up. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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When we see the right person for us, it is not uncommon for our heart to act up. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2014
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Thanks for your kind review. I really appreciate it. Have a nice week, Ine
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You're welcome, Ine. Charlie