The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Bliss! Our Wonderful Wedding Day!"Subtitle: God Never Lets Go!
35 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
This is great, and the conversational tone is enjoyable. Your descriptions of your various jobs and your feelings about them are interesting. the reference to the personal space lady was interesting. Probably most people know someone like that. You do a great job of describing the various jobs you held, and give insight into how the bureaucracy works. I don't know whether you need all the references to past things you've written about or what you might write about, as they seem to break the flow of your narrative. Very enjoyable farewell poem that you included. Really entertaining work here. judi
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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This is great, and the conversational tone is enjoyable. Your descriptions of your various jobs and your feelings about them are interesting. the reference to the personal space lady was interesting. Probably most people know someone like that. You do a great job of describing the various jobs you held, and give insight into how the bureaucracy works. I don't know whether you need all the references to past things you've written about or what you might write about, as they seem to break the flow of your narrative. Very enjoyable farewell poem that you included. Really entertaining work here. judi
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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What a relief you are my friend. I thank God for all my regular reviewers and friends on FS. I had a pretty hard review came in last night my time. Turned out to be pretty good in the end and this chapter now looks a lot better if you have the time to go in and look again. Some of what you said has been taken care of and it looks a lot clearer in there now thanks to my "hard reviewer' someone I have not met before. I actually put it up for review too soon, by accident, Sigh! Have you picked up on the reordering of chapters from way back? Things are more in sequence of how and when they happened now. Watch for new chapter 17 about to come up. Thought I had nearly finished my book till I remembered something else I needed to add. Thanks for being a good friend.
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You're so welcome. Check out that person's profile page. Bet that person just came on FanStory this month. You just need to watch your focus while letting your natural voice come through. I don't recall when I first started reading you. judi
Comment from Zue65
Obviously, you are talking about your working life, though I labored a bit reading a litany of work history as if I am reading a resume. But maybe I am just disoriented because I haven't reviewed yet the rest of your posts. Thanks for sharing, God bless.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Obviously, you are talking about your working life, though I labored a bit reading a litany of work history as if I am reading a resume. But maybe I am just disoriented because I haven't reviewed yet the rest of your posts. Thanks for sharing, God bless.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Hi thanks for your understanding. I made a mistake putting this old chapter up for review just yet. It was part of a re-shuffle and insertion of a new chapter of stuff I had forgotten all about that was necessary to my life story. I appreciate your kindness. Had a pretty hard review yessterday, but people need t realise our different "slants" on English in the different countries and some of the Aussie slang in there. I appreciate all reviews and take everything on board. I had thought I was almost finished the book still I remembered some other stuff that is coming in next chapter. Thanks again.
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Further edit now complete thanks to a pretty detailed review I received last night. Hope you will look again thanks.
Comment from royowen
I enjoyed reading your biographical life of working in the 80s. I'm getting to know a fair bit about you, young fella! The photo I presume was of you and you wife when you were younger! What is upcoming for you and your wife for Easter? Our church is enjoying a 'Passover ' meal on Thursday evening with 'lamb on the spit'. Should be good! I look forward to future readings, Bless you, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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I enjoyed reading your biographical life of working in the 80s. I'm getting to know a fair bit about you, young fella! The photo I presume was of you and you wife when you were younger! What is upcoming for you and your wife for Easter? Our church is enjoying a 'Passover ' meal on Thursday evening with 'lamb on the spit'. Should be good! I look forward to future readings, Bless you, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Wow surprised you got on there Bro I am in the process of editing these and this was a moved chapter from some place else. I didn't think it was open but no worries. I think Pastor will start a run of the Passover messages he did 4 or 5 of those last year they are still on the church web site in Sermons 3 page. We usually attend the Resurrection Sunday as you know there is a Good Friday service but we skip that. Can't cope with too many services. As I started to type I forgot you are an Aussie too. Watch for Chapter 17 to show up it is new and there will be some related audio.
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Tune was right I tooik it off and now it is back on again. I forgot I had put this up for review it is a chapter I had on but now editied and still more needed according to one of the reviewers.
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Thank you for the response, this is a good time for Christian works! I look forward to reading more! Happy Easter bro.Roy,
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Pray for me had a pretty hard review just a while ago funny thing is have not seen them before and neither of you regulars picked up on all they did. Bit annoying really. Thanks for your encouragement Bro.
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Sure thing dear brother, remember you are very special, Geoff. You are special to God, and you display that in your friendly approachability and great attitude! Bless you, Bro. Roy.
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Further edit now complete thanks to a pretty detailed review I received last night. Hope you will look again thanks
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written and the author expressed himself lyrics and verse. There is a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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This is very well written and the author expressed himself lyrics and verse. There is a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Hi friend was surprised this was available as I am still editing. probably had the wrong music on it too I just removed that. new Chapter 17 coming with some audio relevant to the chapter. stick around.
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Hi mate was right music and I forgot I put it up for Reviewing as I was not finished. Seems alot more reviewing in some's opinion needed but well ho hum.
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I trust you know how to bring from the disabled list and put it back in your portfolio. I have to have Tom do it for me.
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Sorry mate I don't understand your last message can you explain again thanks.
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Further edit now complete thanks to a pretty detailed review I received last night. Hope you will look again thanks
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You're welcome, Sankey. Charlie
Comment from healfromwithin
This was one fact after another. It felt like a chapter of complaining and misery at your jobs. There were no charming or funny parts, so it was a dull read. Because the linguistics are so different from the USA's, some parts were lost in translation.
That being said, I have some edits for you to consider:
until that moment(;remove) (end of 1984),
It was at this time of my life, when I least expected, great changes, and some new beginnings were to enter my life, so that some of the things I had hoped might be a reality for me, some day; begun to unfold. (run-on sentence; divide-up)
even on "*hd's" even (two)(remove 2) levels up. After (still didn't know what this means - make it clear without making the reader go to notes.
Audit area, I (remove unnecessary "myself") was upgraded
trouble maker(;) (t)he other one taught
wife! For this reason(,) I had to
into the City ((s)igh!) The couple
time at the hospital were(:) (use a colon when making a number list) AND double space to leave two lines open afterward.
"Grace Building(,)" formerly the first big department
matter(;)(then, in)(remove . THEN! I )n the Winter, Brrr
a psychiatrist, as I have also mentioned(list chapter or page number)
Incomplete sentence; edit: (remove Brevity here seeing) add(seeking brevity here, )I talked about all this in Chapter 2.
of clients I came across (remove (,) there. Might
Incomplete sentence: there. Might talk about this later.
2. There's (a) guy calls himself 'Hitler'
YOU SAY(,) "HEY WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT?"
BEEN THERE(,) I OUGHT TO KNOW (why are you shouting and using all caps? Put the song all in the same font and formatting.)
Just like a little (twit) - no need to put twit in parenthesis
nong? never heard of it, do not understand meaning
Note: generally speaking, if you have to re-direct your reader too many times to the author's notes, the writing isn't strong enough, and you'll loose the reader.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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This was one fact after another. It felt like a chapter of complaining and misery at your jobs. There were no charming or funny parts, so it was a dull read. Because the linguistics are so different from the USA's, some parts were lost in translation.
That being said, I have some edits for you to consider:
until that moment(;remove) (end of 1984),
It was at this time of my life, when I least expected, great changes, and some new beginnings were to enter my life, so that some of the things I had hoped might be a reality for me, some day; begun to unfold. (run-on sentence; divide-up)
even on "*hd's" even (two)(remove 2) levels up. After (still didn't know what this means - make it clear without making the reader go to notes.
Audit area, I (remove unnecessary "myself") was upgraded
trouble maker(;) (t)he other one taught
wife! For this reason(,) I had to
into the City ((s)igh!) The couple
time at the hospital were(:) (use a colon when making a number list) AND double space to leave two lines open afterward.
"Grace Building(,)" formerly the first big department
matter(;)(then, in)(remove . THEN! I )n the Winter, Brrr
a psychiatrist, as I have also mentioned(list chapter or page number)
Incomplete sentence; edit: (remove Brevity here seeing) add(seeking brevity here, )I talked about all this in Chapter 2.
of clients I came across (remove (,) there. Might
Incomplete sentence: there. Might talk about this later.
2. There's (a) guy calls himself 'Hitler'
YOU SAY(,) "HEY WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT?"
BEEN THERE(,) I OUGHT TO KNOW (why are you shouting and using all caps? Put the song all in the same font and formatting.)
Just like a little (twit) - no need to put twit in parenthesis
nong? never heard of it, do not understand meaning
Note: generally speaking, if you have to re-direct your reader too many times to the author's notes, the writing isn't strong enough, and you'll loose the reader.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Thanks I was surprised this got through I had not been finished editing. maybe I put it up by mistake sorry thanks for the advice. See where we go with it.
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I hope you will come back as another chapter has been changed and will be up soon I am sorry I put this up for review by mistake and I am aware of editing needed. Thanks.
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Hi again, honestly I was a bit put out with all the errors you picked up but I was glad in the end you pointed all these out to me. It seems in our different experiences and understanding some reviewersa pick up a lot more than others do. But that said I am most graterful you took the time to go through in such detail as you did. I have now gone through and applied most of the changes you suggested, I hope you will come back and look again and I suggest starting at the beginning of my book would probably clear some things and explain some of my strange ways. Much appreciated and good to have a new reviewer. God Bless.