The Crying
The portrait terrified him so.48 total reviews
Comment from ccto12
This is such a good story. I really enjoyed reading. I don't normally read this genre (no particular reason why not) but I'll have to say this was both creepy and thrilling all at once. Even your author's notes are foreboding and scary LOL. Well done! Good luck in the Ghost Story contest.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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This is such a good story. I really enjoyed reading. I don't normally read this genre (no particular reason why not) but I'll have to say this was both creepy and thrilling all at once. Even your author's notes are foreboding and scary LOL. Well done! Good luck in the Ghost Story contest.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you, ccto12. I appreciate your honesty, and I'm glad you took a chance with mine. There is good and bad in all genres, I feel. But something can always be learned from every one of them.
Comment from humpwhistle
Just a few notes while I read:
The next instant, he would see her smiling -- malevolently -- wickedly grinning at him.
--as this paragraph stands, this sentence makes no sense. you need to establish that the grandfather is looking at the portrait before you can say 'The next instant...' See what I mean?
'No mention of the tiny girl...' ''when his daughter--the subject of the painting --'--don't these two statements contradict?
his ward began making the rounds--Man you have to shake this 'began' habit. It never adds anything.
A nurse found him later that evening--if it was evening, it stands to reason it was 'later', right?
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Just a few notes while I read:
The next instant, he would see her smiling -- malevolently -- wickedly grinning at him.
--as this paragraph stands, this sentence makes no sense. you need to establish that the grandfather is looking at the portrait before you can say 'The next instant...' See what I mean?
'No mention of the tiny girl...' ''when his daughter--the subject of the painting --'--don't these two statements contradict?
his ward began making the rounds--Man you have to shake this 'began' habit. It never adds anything.
A nurse found him later that evening--if it was evening, it stands to reason it was 'later', right?
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Lee. Yep, it does all make sense, and I appreciate it. I'll make some quick changes.
Comment from Jason75S
A great entry. This is chilling and very compelling. I found myself creeped out. Great Story line, Great imagery. Good Dialogue.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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A great entry. This is chilling and very compelling. I found myself creeped out. Great Story line, Great imagery. Good Dialogue.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you Jason. I appreciate the read and review.
Comment from Showboat
Absolutely outstanding, and as I'm reading with blinders, I have no idea who I'm giving this sixer to, but I loved it! Super duper and well deserved. As I want to see you win this one, I'm mentioning a couple of things that you might want to look at.
was a stifled 'Gasp!' Might I suggest you leave it at a 'stifled gasp' and remove the punctuation?
DR. Creep, perhaps just Dr. Creep?
This is personal to me but I don't care for parenthesis in fiction, especially since you could throw a couple of little commas in there for the same effect.
I'll be watching for the vote! You've got mine,
Gayle
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Absolutely outstanding, and as I'm reading with blinders, I have no idea who I'm giving this sixer to, but I loved it! Super duper and well deserved. As I want to see you win this one, I'm mentioning a couple of things that you might want to look at.
was a stifled 'Gasp!' Might I suggest you leave it at a 'stifled gasp' and remove the punctuation?
DR. Creep, perhaps just Dr. Creep?
This is personal to me but I don't care for parenthesis in fiction, especially since you could throw a couple of little commas in there for the same effect.
I'll be watching for the vote! You've got mine,
Gayle
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you, Gayle, and I do very much appreciate your review as much as your suggestions. I will take your advice and make those changes.
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Done -- and done! thanks again!
Comment from c_lucas
"The Portrait of Dorian Gray" came to mind. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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"The Portrait of Dorian Gray" came to mind. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thanks you. I appreciate the review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from James Chaima Phiri
This is so scaring to be true.
However, I for one can not dispute the authenticity of the story. I have my share of such unbelievable experiences.
Thank you for sharing this story and I wish you the best in the contest.
I have taken note of the word 'thingy' and I am impressed.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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This is so scaring to be true.
However, I for one can not dispute the authenticity of the story. I have my share of such unbelievable experiences.
Thank you for sharing this story and I wish you the best in the contest.
I have taken note of the word 'thingy' and I am impressed.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Hah, well, thank you, James. "Thingy" is a word my daughter uses frequently, so naturally it worked its way into the story. I really appreciate the in depth review.
Comment from mfowler
This is a great ghost story, full of mystery that continues beyond the narrative's ending. Your chilling notes keep the reader on their toes too. I liked the description of your grandfather's watch on the painting; quite chilling. This story has shades of 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' (something like that) Well written; good luck in teh comp.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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This is a great ghost story, full of mystery that continues beyond the narrative's ending. Your chilling notes keep the reader on their toes too. I liked the description of your grandfather's watch on the painting; quite chilling. This story has shades of 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' (something like that) Well written; good luck in teh comp.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much for that detailed review and your kind comments.
Comment from Paddywack
Brilliant. Great scary story, very well written. I'm glad I read it in broad daylight! One sentence I'd change:
If I wasn't sure whether ghosts, apparitions, and the supernatural existed before, you can bet your sweet ass I do now.
All the best in the contest.
Paddy
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Brilliant. Great scary story, very well written. I'm glad I read it in broad daylight! One sentence I'd change:
If I wasn't sure whether ghosts, apparitions, and the supernatural existed before, you can bet your sweet ass I do now.
All the best in the contest.
Paddy
Comment Written 20-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Paddy. I'll do just that. Much appreciated!
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
I won't lie I did stop and stare at the picture for awhile before I read this little story. I don't believe nor do I disbelieve any ghosts/haunting things. This is certainly a story that gives you the creeps. Glad no one was hurt in the story because sometimes it things can get really scary super fast. And I hope your dad got his comic book after all that
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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I won't lie I did stop and stare at the picture for awhile before I read this little story. I don't believe nor do I disbelieve any ghosts/haunting things. This is certainly a story that gives you the creeps. Glad no one was hurt in the story because sometimes it things can get really scary super fast. And I hope your dad got his comic book after all that
Comment Written 20-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thanks you, ExperiencingLiphe. I'm very grateful for your review and kind comments. Yeah, he had literally thousands of comic books. Some of them he still has to this very day. Luckily no crying paintings, though!
Thanks again!
Comment from ennahanid
This is quite brilliant and reminds me of a painting that was put on Ebay many years ago. If I remember rightly the owners had actually found it in an alley and couldn't understand why anyone would have dumped it. Beautiful frame and a painting of two children a boy and a girl. The girl was behind the boy and it looked like she had a screw driver in her hand or something. The picture went down to below their waists slightly I think.
They hung it in their daughter's room and their daughter told them that the picture kept her awake because the boy and the girl argued/talked a lot. She said the boy left the picture to face his sister (?).
Of course they didn't believe her but then she was always so tired and with the same story so they hooked up some type of video equipment.
The pictures were on Ebay and bidding went through the roof.
They showed the boy climbing out of the frame and standing athere on the bedroom floor. It looked like the screw driver or whatever was a bit of a weapon. A lot of talking.
The video was verified not to have been tampered with, they just didn't want that picture in their home anymore.
Your tale was scary enough to keep the attention while not being so overboard that is was totally unbelievable and I thoroughly enjoyed reading you today. - Dinah
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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This is quite brilliant and reminds me of a painting that was put on Ebay many years ago. If I remember rightly the owners had actually found it in an alley and couldn't understand why anyone would have dumped it. Beautiful frame and a painting of two children a boy and a girl. The girl was behind the boy and it looked like she had a screw driver in her hand or something. The picture went down to below their waists slightly I think.
They hung it in their daughter's room and their daughter told them that the picture kept her awake because the boy and the girl argued/talked a lot. She said the boy left the picture to face his sister (?).
Of course they didn't believe her but then she was always so tired and with the same story so they hooked up some type of video equipment.
The pictures were on Ebay and bidding went through the roof.
They showed the boy climbing out of the frame and standing athere on the bedroom floor. It looked like the screw driver or whatever was a bit of a weapon. A lot of talking.
The video was verified not to have been tampered with, they just didn't want that picture in their home anymore.
Your tale was scary enough to keep the attention while not being so overboard that is was totally unbelievable and I thoroughly enjoyed reading you today. - Dinah
Comment Written 20-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Dinah, and I don't doubt that one bit. Many different things often have haunting spirits attached to them, for a variety of reasons.
Thanks for sharing that story with me. That gave ME the willies just thinking about it!