At Last Light
A beach poem40 total reviews
Comment from Riss Ryker518
I thoroughly enjoyed this beautiful poem, and yes, the rhyme scheme was very unusual! This was a beautiful piece with extraordinary imagery, my favortie being;
"Skip thoughts
across the waves to feel them rise,
And hide within the tide that brims the coast."
I loved this whole poem!
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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I thoroughly enjoyed this beautiful poem, and yes, the rhyme scheme was very unusual! This was a beautiful piece with extraordinary imagery, my favortie being;
"Skip thoughts
across the waves to feel them rise,
And hide within the tide that brims the coast."
I loved this whole poem!
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Riss, for your sixer and for the great review. I really appreciate it! David
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
LOVE THESE BITS:
The coastal carpet Alliteration
Downsofter down=double meaning
February freeze, Alliteration
Recalibrate a WOW!! word
Skip thoughts across the waves to feel them rise, LOVELY
And hide within the tide internal rhyme
The daylight/ door hard 'd's
And harnessed by the night, love 'harnessed'
An orange-sherbet bauble, A WOW!! image
,A last illumination, like All the 'l's
A simple twilightwinter The hard 'w's
lonesome glow, the basal 'o sound
to light my darkest night. internal rhyme
Deserves a 6 but alas I'm out. Captures an essence of peace, lost love and a communal episode with the forces of nature. Meter and cadence spot on. Excellent.
Regards:
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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LOVE THESE BITS:
The coastal carpet Alliteration
Downsofter down=double meaning
February freeze, Alliteration
Recalibrate a WOW!! word
Skip thoughts across the waves to feel them rise, LOVELY
And hide within the tide internal rhyme
The daylight/ door hard 'd's
And harnessed by the night, love 'harnessed'
An orange-sherbet bauble, A WOW!! image
,A last illumination, like All the 'l's
A simple twilightwinter The hard 'w's
lonesome glow, the basal 'o sound
to light my darkest night. internal rhyme
Deserves a 6 but alas I'm out. Captures an essence of peace, lost love and a communal episode with the forces of nature. Meter and cadence spot on. Excellent.
Regards:
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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My friend, I really appreciate you, your time, and your excellent eye and ear. Thank you! David
Comment from padumachitta
Hello Hey, I like the pattern I also like the sentiment in the poem. Nothing like sitting on a beach, watching the sun go down, with a fire, to put things in some sort of light or order...
padumachitta
(ps...did i miss the rogue this week?)
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Hello Hey, I like the pattern I also like the sentiment in the poem. Nothing like sitting on a beach, watching the sun go down, with a fire, to put things in some sort of light or order...
padumachitta
(ps...did i miss the rogue this week?)
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, my friend. The rogue is taking a short break, and no one wrote to him this week. He'll be back soon...I would imagine.
Comment from country ranch writer
love to watch the big barn fires they used to make down on the beaches in the old days. seems life was good back the we just didn't know it
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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love to watch the big barn fires they used to make down on the beaches in the old days. seems life was good back the we just didn't know it
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, my friend. You're so right!
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thumbs up
Comment from Kingsland
Light comes after darkness pervades
The silence in the moves are barely shades
Come forth and sing the twilight amber
The voices in the mind will clamber
To the convection of a lost remember
It's time to welcome a new September...
Ah... the greatness of thoughts relayed in fine poetic shades. This poem of yours made those thoughts come into my mind. That is the mark of a great poetic ambling. I really enjoyed reading and relaying these thoughts back to you... John
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Light comes after darkness pervades
The silence in the moves are barely shades
Come forth and sing the twilight amber
The voices in the mind will clamber
To the convection of a lost remember
It's time to welcome a new September...
Ah... the greatness of thoughts relayed in fine poetic shades. This poem of yours made those thoughts come into my mind. That is the mark of a great poetic ambling. I really enjoyed reading and relaying these thoughts back to you... John
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you again, John for a great poetic review. I really appreciate that. You should post that as your own poem. It's beautiful.
Comment from Jean Lutz
Amazing poem after contemplating the vastness of the ocean and the power of light. Your muse is surely a temptress from the depths of the sea.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Amazing poem after contemplating the vastness of the ocean and the power of light. Your muse is surely a temptress from the depths of the sea.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Jean. She really is! :)
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, marillion, you did an excellent job writing this poem about the thoughts you had as the sun went down on the day. I enjoyed reading this one. as I was reading I was wondering at the format, but I liked it.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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this is very well written, marillion, you did an excellent job writing this poem about the thoughts you had as the sun went down on the day. I enjoyed reading this one. as I was reading I was wondering at the format, but I liked it.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, my friend.
Comment from closetpoetjester
Mmmmmm, nice recallibration. This was superrrrrr D. Loved the "coastal carpet rolls" in the first and my fave...your "sherbet bauble"...boy did THAT just roll of the tongue. Speaking of tongues, yours is most fluent in both vernacular and metronomic instances and this was a great read in the lonesome reflective glow of the fire. I particularly liked the last two lines. Nothing like fanning a few flames inside to keep the chill out and member spirits UP. LOL Your rhyme scheme is brilliant. I think I've done this one, but in the tetra, I can't remember. In any case after reading this delightful poem I may just like to revisit it.
BTW I never freak out with your rhyme schemes. It's nice to see someone going out of the um...box. Yeah, the box. LOL
Great stuff D-Mar.
P
PS. Still dry. No six. And I CAN'T wait til Sunday. Plus you'll have something six worthy, of that I'm sure.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Mmmmmm, nice recallibration. This was superrrrrr D. Loved the "coastal carpet rolls" in the first and my fave...your "sherbet bauble"...boy did THAT just roll of the tongue. Speaking of tongues, yours is most fluent in both vernacular and metronomic instances and this was a great read in the lonesome reflective glow of the fire. I particularly liked the last two lines. Nothing like fanning a few flames inside to keep the chill out and member spirits UP. LOL Your rhyme scheme is brilliant. I think I've done this one, but in the tetra, I can't remember. In any case after reading this delightful poem I may just like to revisit it.
BTW I never freak out with your rhyme schemes. It's nice to see someone going out of the um...box. Yeah, the box. LOL
Great stuff D-Mar.
P
PS. Still dry. No six. And I CAN'T wait til Sunday. Plus you'll have something six worthy, of that I'm sure.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Ahhh, my dear P, you always know how to get my baubles going. No worries on the six. You're always a six in my mind, or more. I'll do myself to please you, as I alway aim to do. Thank you, doll.
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Shit. I thought I was a 10. LOL
Your baubles were shall we say, quite special.
Now what's this about DOING yourself? LOL
I have a better idea.
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So do it, my dear, but proximity is an issue. Thank God for a good imagination. Darling, you're whatever is the highest rating, so it's all relative. ;-)
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Proximity shmoximity.
I have imagination, my friend.
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That's not all you have, especially now that I found your disco poem. I want to boogie with THAT!
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Well THAT was my plan. LOL
Mmmmm, bit cunning, right?
I'll have my dance card ready. It'll be tucked in my er...ahhh, you'll see.
LOL
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Oh, I'll find it. Exploration is a hobby...
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Well I'm convinced deep sea diving is one of your many talents...
I got leagues, baby. haha
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Thank God it is...because there's treasure down there...
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I got more to offer than pieces of 8...
I got pieces of 10 hahaha
Arrrrrrrr! To be surrrrrre.
Arrr.
LOL
You funkin bunkineer! x
Comment from poetbear
Great Genre.
Reminds me of a trip we took to San Simeon in California.
The hotel was on the beach.
That image was what was done at night but in specially made pits that were electronically temperature controlled.
Fires started when the temperature dropped.
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reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Great Genre.
Reminds me of a trip we took to San Simeon in California.
The hotel was on the beach.
That image was what was done at night but in specially made pits that were electronically temperature controlled.
Fires started when the temperature dropped.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, poet bear. This was actually inspired by my time in California.
Comment from 24chas
Interesting rhyme scheme, which is notable in that the mind seems to remember the AB lines even after a few lines. I've never seen this kind of rhyme scheme before. Well written, as always.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Interesting rhyme scheme, which is notable in that the mind seems to remember the AB lines even after a few lines. I've never seen this kind of rhyme scheme before. Well written, as always.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Chas!