The Festival (Flash Fiction)
short about Hitler's birthday32 total reviews
Comment from Zinnia48
This was profoundly interesting. It reminded me of the Book Thief, a movie I saw recently. A couple of suggestions/observations. I'm wondering if the beginning would have a little more grabbinb power if you started with another paragraph. Maybe: Margurite grabbed her husband's arn.....That makes me want to know: why? The description of Hitler reads a little like a history book. I'm also wondering if you could tweak it up somehow/give it more of a story telling voice--which we all know you know how to do. Caroline
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reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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This was profoundly interesting. It reminded me of the Book Thief, a movie I saw recently. A couple of suggestions/observations. I'm wondering if the beginning would have a little more grabbinb power if you started with another paragraph. Maybe: Margurite grabbed her husband's arn.....That makes me want to know: why? The description of Hitler reads a little like a history book. I'm also wondering if you could tweak it up somehow/give it more of a story telling voice--which we all know you know how to do. Caroline
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Comment Written 28-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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I have a favor to ask. I took some of your suggestions and reworked a few parts. Would you mind going back and reading this again and telling me what you think. Thank you for your honesty. Gretchen
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sure! c.
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I thought it had more energy and that first sentence did make me want to read on. One small suggest. You have Marguerite clutching her husband's arm in the beginning. Would you consider eliminating a similar sentence further down? And then you could join the two paragraphs. It would look like this:
The air was electric. Fanatical smiles and cheers came from all. Tears of joy streamed down the cheeks of nearly every woman in the crowd. (Marguerite Hetzberg clung to her husband's arm). She recognized many. Most were the ones who feared Hitler, but one would never believe it today.
I put the sentence that may be unnecessary in brackets. Thank you so much for letting me be part of your process. it's an honor. Caroline
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You have no idea how much this helps. Sometimes I am too close to the forest to see the trees, if you know what I mean. I really appreciate the help. Gretchen
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Sure do--I have learned so much on this site due to suggestions, in put, observation. It's nice to be able to share what I have learned. Caroline
Comment from Dom G Robles
This is a short story but very nice and complete. A devoted follower of the German Empire, Hans, married to Marguerite, not fully devoted to the Germans, obviously watching a parade where the gestapo were also watching closely the crowd
and their movements. Hans, who was a devoted German follower was coaching his wife to wave the German small flag to show their loyalty but her wife was not moved at all. She did not seem to like the Germans.
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reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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This is a short story but very nice and complete. A devoted follower of the German Empire, Hans, married to Marguerite, not fully devoted to the Germans, obviously watching a parade where the gestapo were also watching closely the crowd
and their movements. Hans, who was a devoted German follower was coaching his wife to wave the German small flag to show their loyalty but her wife was not moved at all. She did not seem to like the Germans.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much for your review. Gretchen