All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 48 "Song for Rose"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
66 total reviews
Comment from Rondeno
This is a lovely lament to someone who obviously has meant a lot to you, Sharyn. Most people, when they try to write a tribute, end up with stale cliche. Not you!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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This is a lovely lament to someone who obviously has meant a lot to you, Sharyn. Most people, when they try to write a tribute, end up with stale cliche. Not you!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Cliches are something I try to avoid like the plague Michael - thank you for the high compliment, my dear!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Sarah Butterfly
This is very touching poem for your mother-in-law, who is obviously very dear to you. I wish you a lot of strength. It is never easy to part from someone, no matter how old they are.
Kind regards
Sarah
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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This is very touching poem for your mother-in-law, who is obviously very dear to you. I wish you a lot of strength. It is never easy to part from someone, no matter how old they are.
Kind regards
Sarah
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much Sarah - Rose just passed away a couple of hours ago - peacefully.
Blessings
:)Sharyn
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I am sorry to hear this Sharyn. Nevertheless I hope you can take comfort in the fact that she passed peacefully.
I wish you a lot of strength
Kind regards
Sarah
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'peaceful' is definitely the way to go Sarah! :)S
Comment from J. Dark
A beautiful rhyme and such a special sentiment Sharyn. Top notch formatting as always. I'm sure your mother-in-law would be extremely proud that you had written this for her.
Kindest of regards,
Julie :0)
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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A beautiful rhyme and such a special sentiment Sharyn. Top notch formatting as always. I'm sure your mother-in-law would be extremely proud that you had written this for her.
Kindest of regards,
Julie :0)
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Bless you Julie - the six was so sweet! Rose just passed away a couple of hours ago - peacefully.
It's been a long process, more for my husband than me - he's been over in LA for the last couple of months as we knew it was her 'time'.
:)Sharyn
Comment from alexgeorge
It's good that you are close to her and able to ease her passing. I often wonder how they feel at that age. My grams is 90 something and I think she's afraid of dying. She's broken her hip several times lately, the poor thing.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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It's good that you are close to her and able to ease her passing. I often wonder how they feel at that age. My grams is 90 something and I think she's afraid of dying. She's broken her hip several times lately, the poor thing.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Rose was afraid of dying, too, Alex. I guess it's never easy. But she finally passed away this morning, peacefully. It was her time.
:)Sharyn
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May she rest in peace
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
"Rose, your life's been long and deep, 7 trochaic yes
Years in circles, seasons spinning, 8 trochaic?
So let me sing you now to sleep, 8 IP yes
Spiral now, to new beginning." 8 trochaic?
Consider:
"Rose, your life's been long and deep, 7
Circled years, seasons spinning, 7
So let me sing you now to sleep, 8
A spiraled new beginning." 7
Regards:
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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"Rose, your life's been long and deep, 7 trochaic yes
Years in circles, seasons spinning, 8 trochaic?
So let me sing you now to sleep, 8 IP yes
Spiral now, to new beginning." 8 trochaic?
Consider:
"Rose, your life's been long and deep, 7
Circled years, seasons spinning, 7
So let me sing you now to sleep, 8
A spiraled new beginning." 7
Regards:
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Thanks for thinking about this one Stephen! The variation in the last verse is deliberate though - Verses 1 and 2 all have 7 7 8 7 and last verse 7 8 8 8 because of the 2 extra feminine endings. Even Shakespeare did that as a technique occasionally - it sort of gives a "soft" ending to it.
Also, if you read your suggestions:
Circled years, seasons spinning
dum da dum, dum da dum da - it would create 2 stressed syllables together, which would be fine for an effect if you mirrored it in the last line but:
a spiraled new beginning
da dum da dum da dum da - would throw the whole thing off because suddenly you have an extra iambic line
Fun to analyze these things! :)Sharyn
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Dear Sharyn Thanks for the reviewing contest vote although I think I am woefully inadequate at times concerning the 'technical' aspects of Shakespearean poetry.
Hugs: Steve
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I always appreciate someone looking in close detail and asking intelligent questions Stephen! Would far rather have one of yours than 10 "very nice, dear's" believe me! :)S
Comment from justatuna
This is a beautiful tribute, not only to Rose, but to all mankind. This is a style I don't see much from you. Excellent word choice that creates the scene. You really portrayed an ending that rings true. Exceptional job. Of course I'm sorry for the situation, but to me, death is another form of life. Just a transition. Wish you the best.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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This is a beautiful tribute, not only to Rose, but to all mankind. This is a style I don't see much from you. Excellent word choice that creates the scene. You really portrayed an ending that rings true. Exceptional job. Of course I'm sorry for the situation, but to me, death is another form of life. Just a transition. Wish you the best.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Bless you, Rob. Yes, I like to think of death that way, too. It's the process leading UP to death I'm not so enamored with.
Rose just passed away a couple of hours ago - peacefully. It was her 'time'.
Thank you for your lovely six! I've been more in a contemplative mood lately, writing short stories (which are far harder for me to write than poetry!)
How about you? I haven't seen you posting as much lately either? Life does keep us rather busy, hmm?
:)S
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It's a strange thing how life fights to live. I think that's the point. I swear I think that creation was only perfect at genesis in its ability to adapt. Death is a renewal of the source yet the source wants to hang on. How else could it better survive in the future? I've been writing philosophy lately. I'm somewhat concerened about submitting such work. In flies in the face of all I've been taught. Don't know what to do. Sorry about Rose. Sorry for your loss, but I do see that the whole cannot lose a part of itself. That's just not possible. Where would it go? Be good my friend. You're worth a 10 in my book.
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I'm glad she's finally passed, Rob - the last couple of months have been very hard for her, and for my husband who's been constantly there by her side with his sister. It's given THEM, strangely enough, a chance to work out all THEIR old stuff, would you believe. Rose and I weren't particularly close, but she's been a 'presence', a 'constant' in our lives, and in my son's life as an elder. There will definitely be 'something missing' for a while. Philosophy? on FS, your problem might be someone wanting to tell you why you're wrong rather than critiquing the writing I would think, but I'd give it a go and see what kind of reaction you get - just don't be attached to the result of course he he he! :))S
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I know you're right. It just dawned on me today that death has no meaning. I eat a hamburger. The cow is dead, but the hamburger gives me life. In that, how can death have meaning? Who do you think would understand that?
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You may be surprised - as long as the story is told logically and understandably. Matter is only ever recycled - you weren't the first to contemplate that dear. What comes NEXT is what's interesting i.e. what does it all MEAN? What's our 'place' in things? Are we just as, or more, important that the cow? and from whose perspective? We could send ourselves nuts, hmm? :)S
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Maybe that's the point. Thought is matter. I believe people think thought is somehow spiritual. It's not. It's a chemical reaction in the brain. So one must ask...what is the significance of even asking the questions. That's the separation. People think they are separate from their thoughts. How can that be when it is thought that created the thinker?
Comment from Liberty Justice
My dear poet, visionary1234. You are truly a born poet. I hope you are publishing your poetry for the world to see. You're poems bring hope and joy people, and you comfort people who are in distress. So filled with imagery and descriptive hope. The world needs your inspiration!
Liberty Justice.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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My dear poet, visionary1234. You are truly a born poet. I hope you are publishing your poetry for the world to see. You're poems bring hope and joy people, and you comfort people who are in distress. So filled with imagery and descriptive hope. The world needs your inspiration!
Liberty Justice.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Bless you my dear! Rose just passed away a couple of hours ago - peacefully. It was her 'time'. A mystery for us all, this journey, hmm?
Blessings,
Sharyn
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Hi Sharyn,
This is difficult and yet so breathtakingly beautiful. To end and then begin on such a moment I'm sure she heard and rejoiced. Thank you for sharing this tender moment of releasing and loving.
Maureen
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Hi Sharyn,
This is difficult and yet so breathtakingly beautiful. To end and then begin on such a moment I'm sure she heard and rejoiced. Thank you for sharing this tender moment of releasing and loving.
Maureen
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Rose just passed away a couple of hours ago - peacefully, Maureen. I'm so glad - it was her 'time'.
Blessings,
Sharyn
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A beautiful way to transcend to the higher sacred plane.
Blessings to you and your family as you celebrate her Life.
Love
Maureen
Comment from Hollyhock
A moving tribute to your mother-in-law. I loved the feeling of support and companionship that you were offering her at the end. Singing is such a comfort and many can hear even when they are deep in a coma.
The last stanza is wonderful, the sense of there being no real endings just a new beginning, a tremendous sense of a life lived and continuing to exist,just on another plane.
Not sure about the final line of the third stanza, neither the apostrophized(?) "spirit" or the actual scan of the line, there seems to be a syllable adrift somewhere.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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A moving tribute to your mother-in-law. I loved the feeling of support and companionship that you were offering her at the end. Singing is such a comfort and many can hear even when they are deep in a coma.
The last stanza is wonderful, the sense of there being no real endings just a new beginning, a tremendous sense of a life lived and continuing to exist,just on another plane.
Not sure about the final line of the third stanza, neither the apostrophized(?) "spirit" or the actual scan of the line, there seems to be a syllable adrift somewhere.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Meaning "spirit is" Andrea, yes? and no, it still scans as trochaic, i.e. 3 trochees, ending in one unstressed syllable or incomplete trochee. Consistent throughout - only variation are the 2 feminine endings in last verse (and I'm glad you like that one, too). But I'll take another peek - I trust your judgement! :)S
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written my friend my thoughts are with you and your family at this hard time this is a beautiful poem a very nice tribute to rose well done my friend regards Jill
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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Yes this is well written my friend my thoughts are with you and your family at this hard time this is a beautiful poem a very nice tribute to rose well done my friend regards Jill
Comment Written 09-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2013
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thx so much Jill! :)Sharyn