All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Can We Wish For Rain?"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
56 total reviews
Comment from Scarbrems
Nicely done Visionary, some great imagery here -
"without compass,
desiccated heart
of stone" -
That was a particularly good verse. I enjoy your poetry, it has a refreshing quality about. You are economical with words, and make it seem so effortless. None of that I'm -trying-too-hard-to-impress meaningless vocabulary. Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Nicely done Visionary, some great imagery here -
"without compass,
desiccated heart
of stone" -
That was a particularly good verse. I enjoy your poetry, it has a refreshing quality about. You are economical with words, and make it seem so effortless. None of that I'm -trying-too-hard-to-impress meaningless vocabulary. Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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aaah THERE you are emsey ... haven't seen you posting for ages - are you ok? I like this form - it forces economy (good for me!)
:)Sharyn
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Been in Africa for seven weeks...
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good Lord!! do we get to hear about it, we hope? where???
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Overland through Morocco, Mauritania, Senegal and the Gambia. I will be writing it up...probably
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wow! spontaneous trip, or carefully planned? surprises? you'd better (write about it!) :)))
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Planned, with old mate of ours who was driving. We did Morocco fifteen years ago, same way.
Comment from Florrie
A well written poem. I like the style and enjoyed the wording. The last stanza is perfect for this poem. Creative poems intrigue me, to say the least. I liked it. florrie
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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A well written poem. I like the style and enjoyed the wording. The last stanza is perfect for this poem. Creative poems intrigue me, to say the least. I liked it. florrie
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Thx so much Florrie! This is a very interesting style! :)Sharyn
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Yes, I also like to write different styles and sometimes invent my own. florrie
Comment from October21
Oh, my... God! What better poem to give my last six star rating to:-) There's so much emotion in this poem. "Screaming silence"- what a brilliant way to describe the words left unsaid. The question at the start is thought-provoking and sets the mood of uncertainty very well. GREAT work!!!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Oh, my... God! What better poem to give my last six star rating to:-) There's so much emotion in this poem. "Screaming silence"- what a brilliant way to describe the words left unsaid. The question at the start is thought-provoking and sets the mood of uncertainty very well. GREAT work!!!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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WOW! Shenl, thank you so very much for that lovely six! I'm so glad you "got" this one!
Blessings, big-time!
:)Sharyn
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The piece was AMAZING! My favourite of yours yet, and I'm glad that I had a sixer for you. EXCELLENT work!:-)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Oooo... verrry clever, though it's not so much about a WISH, per se. It's more of a lonely-without-you poem, but a very verrry good one, at that. :)
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Oooo... verrry clever, though it's not so much about a WISH, per se. It's more of a lonely-without-you poem, but a very verrry good one, at that. :)
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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smartie - I was playing around with that form, Phyllis, then saw the "wish" prompt - but don't tell anyone! shhhh! :)))
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Aha! Wait... let me get my megaphone. :)
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bugger!
Comment from Selina Stambi
Oh .... I hope it rains on the dessicated ground of their love.
A unique rhyme scheme and you've handled it so nicely - as you always do.
All the very best in the contest, Sharyn, my dear!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Oh .... I hope it rains on the dessicated ground of their love.
A unique rhyme scheme and you've handled it so nicely - as you always do.
All the very best in the contest, Sharyn, my dear!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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aaah, I was hoping you'd find this one - you can tell I was playing around with this funny form today, hmm? Rather fun though, once you start playing with the enjambment - I have another one coming tomorrow and then I think I'll be tired of 11/7s or whatever they are! :)))) glad you enjoyed this one!
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Sharyn,
funny you ask for rain, it's pouring here again, mozzie's a breeding the size of small aircraft after the floods and the river smells of sewage, oh that's right I'm here for your review, right?
I see you've got a knack with Gath's Eleven 77, this one throws metaphors to the wind and brings back rainbows, sounds like a lonely existence, but deftly constructed into an ultimate question, with only one right answer.
Good luck in this contest.
Kindest wishes,
James xx
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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Hi Sharyn,
funny you ask for rain, it's pouring here again, mozzie's a breeding the size of small aircraft after the floods and the river smells of sewage, oh that's right I'm here for your review, right?
I see you've got a knack with Gath's Eleven 77, this one throws metaphors to the wind and brings back rainbows, sounds like a lonely existence, but deftly constructed into an ultimate question, with only one right answer.
Good luck in this contest.
Kindest wishes,
James xx
Comment Written 18-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2013
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thx James - I was in an experimental mood today! STILL pouring there? wow! here too, but no mozzies, no sewage thank goodness! ikky!
Comment from MidnightWriter4U
I don't think it is possible to regenerate a love long dead and buried. Unless you are God. The death of love changes someone's heart and mind. You don't forget that. It would be nice if you could pick and choose what memories the mind kept. I'd empty out my head.
This is one super description:
"screaming silence parched, like desert and sucked dry"
In my case, I would add:
"Tears so overflowing, body, mind, and heart dehydrate"
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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I don't think it is possible to regenerate a love long dead and buried. Unless you are God. The death of love changes someone's heart and mind. You don't forget that. It would be nice if you could pick and choose what memories the mind kept. I'd empty out my head.
This is one super description:
"screaming silence parched, like desert and sucked dry"
In my case, I would add:
"Tears so overflowing, body, mind, and heart dehydrate"
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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lots of room for adding things here my dear - but we have an economy of format to stick to - and no, I don't think it can be regenerated either, which is why I left it rather open-ended ... :) Sharyn
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btw: If you haven't had a chance yet to read Spitfire's new post "Phone Sex", check it out. You will laugh your head off.... :)
Comment from OLA THOMAS
With things already going assunder, it was time to ask for a rejuvenating rain, to restore peace and hamony again. A well doone work to restore a 'breaking home'.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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With things already going assunder, it was time to ask for a rejuvenating rain, to restore peace and hamony again. A well doone work to restore a 'breaking home'.
ola thomas
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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thx so much Ola! :)Sharyn
Comment from JM daSilva
Yeah, you can wish for rain, or you can cause rain by shaking up the relationship. there is nothing worth than love dying of inanition. May the winds bring rain, without killing the bats.
Great poem again.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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Yeah, you can wish for rain, or you can cause rain by shaking up the relationship. there is nothing worth than love dying of inanition. May the winds bring rain, without killing the bats.
Great poem again.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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thx JM! :)S
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Welcome.
Comment from Matthew M.
I think this poem accurately describes some relationships where the love dries up. It is like a drought where the love is gone. It does need some new rain. I liked at how the end, one desires the rain, but still has doubts and wonders if the other one does too.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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I think this poem accurately describes some relationships where the love dries up. It is like a drought where the love is gone. It does need some new rain. I liked at how the end, one desires the rain, but still has doubts and wonders if the other one does too.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2013
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thx so much Matthew ... yes, not all of life is cut & dried (no pun intended), is it? :)Sharyn