A collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 " Tears"A collection of treasured poems
43 total reviews
Comment from squid152
I love free verse and you have given a great example of it here. I liked: God speak to me, God show me a miracle, God where are you
-Squid
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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I love free verse and you have given a great example of it here. I liked: God speak to me, God show me a miracle, God where are you
-Squid
Comment Written 26-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Yes if people just opened their eyes , they would be able to see so much more
Comment from Dodey
This is your own take on a much loved classic that I have framed on my office wall..It is called ' The Man Whispered'
( poet unknown)..which always makes me feel sad when I read such beautiful work. You have some very meaningful and lovely stanza's in this work, that show how blind some can be to the evidence in front of them..
The Original work is this.
The Man Whispered.
The man whispered " God speak to me"
and a meadow lark sang,
but the man did not hear.
So the man yelled " God speak to me "
Thunder rolled across the sky
but the man did not listen.
The man looked around and said
" God let me see you"
and the stars shined bright
but the man did not notice.
The man shouted
"God show me a miracle"
and a life was born
but the man did not know
So the man cried out in dispair
'Touch me God and let me know
you are there"
whereupon God reached down and
touched the man
but the man brushed the butterfly
away and walked on.
it is very beautiful isn't it, with it's clear and heartfelt message.
I wish you the best in the contest my friend..
My four star rating is due to the similarity in the works.
Kind regards to you..Dee
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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This is your own take on a much loved classic that I have framed on my office wall..It is called ' The Man Whispered'
( poet unknown)..which always makes me feel sad when I read such beautiful work. You have some very meaningful and lovely stanza's in this work, that show how blind some can be to the evidence in front of them..
The Original work is this.
The Man Whispered.
The man whispered " God speak to me"
and a meadow lark sang,
but the man did not hear.
So the man yelled " God speak to me "
Thunder rolled across the sky
but the man did not listen.
The man looked around and said
" God let me see you"
and the stars shined bright
but the man did not notice.
The man shouted
"God show me a miracle"
and a life was born
but the man did not know
So the man cried out in dispair
'Touch me God and let me know
you are there"
whereupon God reached down and
touched the man
but the man brushed the butterfly
away and walked on.
it is very beautiful isn't it, with it's clear and heartfelt message.
I wish you the best in the contest my friend..
My four star rating is due to the similarity in the works.
Kind regards to you..Dee
Comment Written 26-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Oh wow, I never knew about this, I wonder if his spirit rewrote it through me, being as i have never heard of this one before and also because they are similar , scary. I thank you for sharing this with me.
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That's amazing..I often think I have been here before lol...The Author of it is unknown...Maybe you were the author of it in a previous life...Yikes I scare myself sometimes.lol..Smiles..Dee
Maybe you should write a statement in your author notes..to say you never read the original until I brought it to your notice and its similarity is conincidental..could help with the casting votes in the contest.
Best of luck to to you..
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Maybe you should also put mine up in your office and put above it ' AUTHOR FOUND ". Lol
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You are not going to believe this. I was in the middle of writing to you again and saying ..I'll put a note under mine saying author found on Fanstory by the name of Parisjean, then I deleted it because I thought you would think me totally mad lolol..My! that is so weird .. I feel spooked lol..I'm sleeping with the light on tonight..Blow the electric bill lolol.
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Lol, yes it is getting weirder isn't it .
By the way I have just joined here, i have only been here just this week, we might as well get to know each other, if that's okay with you , being as my poem somehow wanted us to meet. And yes I will give you my permission to display ' Tears '
Comment from Topher Phaestus
The sentiment of this poem is really nice. I love the idea of God trying so hard in the only way he can, but getting ignored because it's not "real enough"
Confused and feeling alone
...
Feeling totally frustrated <-- The use of "feeling" so near each other makes it feel a little repetitive. And "totally" sounds a little... young? Like... slang. I know it's not really, but the word seems to break the flow.
Then an email arrived from the woman of his dreams
And an email arrived to tell him he had got his dream job, <--- The repetition of "email" works in this instance, however, "dream" does not.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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The sentiment of this poem is really nice. I love the idea of God trying so hard in the only way he can, but getting ignored because it's not "real enough"
Confused and feeling alone
...
Feeling totally frustrated <-- The use of "feeling" so near each other makes it feel a little repetitive. And "totally" sounds a little... young? Like... slang. I know it's not really, but the word seems to break the flow.
Then an email arrived from the woman of his dreams
And an email arrived to tell him he had got his dream job, <--- The repetition of "email" works in this instance, however, "dream" does not.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Glad you liked The sentiment
Comment from dmt1967
Sometimes we don't know what we got till its gone very well written and I like the fact of no picture as this poem doesn't need one god luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Sometimes we don't know what we got till its gone very well written and I like the fact of no picture as this poem doesn't need one god luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
Comment Written 26-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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True, people do not realise what they have
Comment from J. Dark
Wow, this is really interesting with a classic feel. A stunning commentary on how negative thoughts stop us from listening and obtaining what we need. I was thoroughly impressed by this work and wish I had more stars to give.
Mrs D:-)
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Wow, this is really interesting with a classic feel. A stunning commentary on how negative thoughts stop us from listening and obtaining what we need. I was thoroughly impressed by this work and wish I had more stars to give.
Mrs D:-)
Comment Written 26-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Thank you Mrs Dark, so glad you enjoyed ' Tears ' and thank you so much for wanting to give me 6 stars
Comment from MelReyn
What a powerful message! This was great! I loved it. This reminds me to look at everyday life to see my blessings and to see God's love. Wow. I feel so uplifted and so... enthusiastic and go forth and seize the day. Great work!!
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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What a powerful message! This was great! I loved it. This reminds me to look at everyday life to see my blessings and to see God's love. Wow. I feel so uplifted and so... enthusiastic and go forth and seize the day. Great work!!
Comment Written 26-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2012
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Remember wings are wrapped around you
Comment from Debbie7
This is outstanding for me, since I always look for those signs. And people say God doesn't talk to us anymore and there are no miracles. I say just step outside and look around! All of your examples are very good. Namaste, Debbie
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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This is outstanding for me, since I always look for those signs. And people say God doesn't talk to us anymore and there are no miracles. I say just step outside and look around! All of your examples are very good. Namaste, Debbie
Comment Written 26-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Yes Debbie, it is true that God is indeed all around us. So glad you enjoyed ' Tears '
Comment from mshirachot
What a lovely entry for the faith contest. Best wishes for that. This poem gave me 'goose bumps' as I neared the end. It is so true that many fail to hear His voice, and miracles through the things in the natural words. Sadder still, to think they would be so spiritually deaf as to not be able to hear His still small voice whispering in their hearts.
This is most excellently written. Only one small change that I saw. In the 4th stanza, this line should read:"But the man shouted "not NOW"" versus "not know".
Blessings to you,
Marsha
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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What a lovely entry for the faith contest. Best wishes for that. This poem gave me 'goose bumps' as I neared the end. It is so true that many fail to hear His voice, and miracles through the things in the natural words. Sadder still, to think they would be so spiritually deaf as to not be able to hear His still small voice whispering in their hearts.
This is most excellently written. Only one small change that I saw. In the 4th stanza, this line should read:"But the man shouted "not NOW"" versus "not know".
Blessings to you,
Marsha
Comment Written 26-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Thank you Marsha, And ' know ' has already been corrected. That is a good point you made about people being spiritually deaf, I am so glad you enjoyed ' Tears '
Comment from mumsyone
Good poem and a great entry for the faith contest. How typical of most people, to overlook God's caring time after time throughout every day. The four stars are only because of editing that needs to be done.
But the man shouted " not know " (not now?)
And his dog wagged it's (its) tail with love,
" Why don't you care God(?) " he whispered ,
His dog then placed it's (its) head upon his knee ,
With proper punctuation, what a great poem this would be! Example:
The man whispered,
"God, speak to me."
Then a bird sang,
But the man did not hear.
So the man yelled,
"God, speak to me!"
Then the thunder and lightning
Rolled across the sky,
But the man did not listen.
Ignoring the thunder,
The man stood in the rain
And continued to yell,
"God why don't you answer me?"
Then the rain stopped
And upon him shone the sun
But the man looked down in despair.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Good poem and a great entry for the faith contest. How typical of most people, to overlook God's caring time after time throughout every day. The four stars are only because of editing that needs to be done.
But the man shouted " not know " (not now?)
And his dog wagged it's (its) tail with love,
" Why don't you care God(?) " he whispered ,
His dog then placed it's (its) head upon his knee ,
With proper punctuation, what a great poem this would be! Example:
The man whispered,
"God, speak to me."
Then a bird sang,
But the man did not hear.
So the man yelled,
"God, speak to me!"
Then the thunder and lightning
Rolled across the sky,
But the man did not listen.
Ignoring the thunder,
The man stood in the rain
And continued to yell,
"God why don't you answer me?"
Then the rain stopped
And upon him shone the sun
But the man looked down in despair.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
-
Thank you mumsyone, these punctuation errors have already been taken care of
Comment from Jina Sarma
This poem is so real. Yes in daily life we ignore God's signal.
We never notice how God is communicating with us. In this poem I have learnt to be more alert to listen what God wants to tell us. Best wishes for your writing career.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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This poem is so real. Yes in daily life we ignore God's signal.
We never notice how God is communicating with us. In this poem I have learnt to be more alert to listen what God wants to tell us. Best wishes for your writing career.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much Jina for your kind wishes regarding my career in writing and I am so glad you enjoyed ' Tears '
