Reviews from

All Those Puzzling Pieces

Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Butterfly in a Box"
What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?

116 total reviews 
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Excellent
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This is such a well penned poem with a strong and positive message. Although fooled by the pursuer, reality soon became obvious. Rather than waiting to be destroyed, the butterfly morphed back to life. This is an excellent read. Curtis

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2012

reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
    thx Curtis!
Comment from Anthony Crosbie
Excellent
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Hi Sharyn

This is a really wonderful poem that tells quite a distressing tale! It flowed well and I chuckled at the end when the 'butterfly' prepares to fight back! Your descriptions are vivid and bring the poem to life. Great work.

Archie

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2012

reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
    thx Archie!
Comment from kashmayank
Excellent
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well written and Iliked the structre of the poem and the way you crafted your words so overall increase the appeal of the work all the best

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2012

reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
    thx kasha!
Comment from jknc
Excellent
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"This butterfly is mutating.."
Those words invoke quite a chilling image of a beautiful creature suddenly flashing shiny fangs.
This is one dark poem and I love it.
The warning at the end is especially provocative.
I would sure as hell take heed.
Great job!

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2012

reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
    thx jknc!
Comment from MumEsGirl
Excellent
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Marvellous write. You have summed up the selfish nature of some who suck the life breath from the most vulnerable.

I have seen this too often, it is a casue to celebrate when the 'victim' takes back the power
hugs
kate

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2012

reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
    thx kate! yes it is a cause to celebrate! :) Sharyn
Comment from Starlit Ink
Excellent
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This poem is indeed a bit dark, and has undertones of revenge. It is easy to be caught off guard when we need love and are vulnerable. I really like the "survivor" attitude that comes through, and also the ability to see through the deceptions of others. Boxes weren't made for butterflies. Great work.

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2012

reply by the author on 18-Sep-2012
    thx Starlit!
Comment from Janet Foor
Excellent
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This is a thought provoking piece with vivid imagery and feelings of tragedy mixed with hope. I really liked this one. Especially the ending. Very creative and delightful. Thanks for sharing.


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2012

reply by the author on 18-Sep-2012
    thx Jmf!
Comment from Eliza M
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Oooooooh! This one is a pretty powerful piece Sharyn! It kept me hooked from start to finish. I can really feel you just simmering away ,as you have reached the end of your tether with somone who has taken advantage of you once too often. They will soon find out that they have also bitten off more than they can chew too!
Great imagery and use of similie and metaphor. The rhythm is compelling and the one word lines add short sharp inpact.
Love this one! You go girl!LOL! Liz.x

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2012

reply by the author on 18-Sep-2012
    Eliza, thank you SO MUCH for hearing me! This is a poem that has been screaming to be written for far too long for me, and when I sat down to write it jumped off my pen very easily - they're the best kind, yes? A special "thank you" for one of your special sixes - so much appreciated.
    Best wishes - and greatest appreciation,
    Sharyn
reply by Eliza M on 18-Sep-2012
    It was my pleasure Sharyn. A read that resonated very loudly with me for sure!x
Comment from lecoeutde
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

BUTTERFLY

I have news for you
this
butterfly
is
mutating

WOW CAREFUL ""

EXCELENT POEM ,BECAUSE SOME WERE OR ARE BUTTERFLIES IN A BOX


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2012

reply by the author on 18-Sep-2012
    And I am VERY happy to speak to other butterflies in boxes - I'm finding out there are a LOT of us out there! But there does come a time ...
    Thank you so very much for one of your special '6's my dear - so much appreciated when someone reads and understands my writing.
    Best wishes
    Sharyn
Comment from RedVeganPoet
Good
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I liked this, thought it was interesting the way one of light and lightness could mutate into something capable of performing an act so dark. Liked warning at the end :)

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2012

reply by the author on 18-Sep-2012
    aaah - thank you - I see you're brand new to Fanstory - so please let me explain the reviewing system to you:
    "The site offers a six star scale for ranking work. Here's a guideline:
    Six Stars (Exceptional: Simply Outstanding)
    Five Stars (Excellent: Enjoyable and no revisions needed)
    Four Stars (Good: Adjustments needed)
    Three Stars (Below average)
    Two Stars (Below Average: Needs lots of work
    One Star (Poor: Major revision required)"

    So, if you are going to aware a "four star", it would be necessary to state what "adjustments" are needed, right? As you've stated none, then may I suggest you pop back and re-rate?? (easy to do)- Best wishes,Sharyn