Poetry, Dreams In Motion.
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Memories"A collection of poetry.
44 total reviews
Comment from EmileJP
This has a nice flow and sounds good. It says a lot without much thought! It rings true and is a joy to read. The message is clear and the theme is constant throughout the peace. The emotion and imagery are perfect. I felt the words as well as read them and they are powerful, Great Job!
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This has a nice flow and sounds good. It says a lot without much thought! It rings true and is a joy to read. The message is clear and the theme is constant throughout the peace. The emotion and imagery are perfect. I felt the words as well as read them and they are powerful, Great Job!
Comment Written 24-Feb-2005
Comment from FourByFour
tomorrow's--tomorrows... doesn't belong to anything in the sentence.
Nicely written conversational style poem, though I think the repetition of words and thoughts throughout took away from the message, and without any kind of punch at the end it didn't have the impact that it should have.
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tomorrow's--tomorrows... doesn't belong to anything in the sentence.
Nicely written conversational style poem, though I think the repetition of words and thoughts throughout took away from the message, and without any kind of punch at the end it didn't have the impact that it should have.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2005
Comment from StormyGale
See There? You said it so well! Looks like we had TIME in MIND LoL. I can just see your mother sitting there as sooooo many of us do when we forget what we were thinking or doing when you wrote:
Anyway, I stray, and there was a point to be made though, for now, I hardly
know how to make it, or the words that I should say...
But I shall try...Let me see...
I am so glad to see you are REAL and think about what you are trying to get across instead of diction and punctuation and junk like that. Three thumbs up! It is better than the old hum drum let's stay in the BOX for 100 yrs poets.
Thanks for writing!
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See There? You said it so well! Looks like we had TIME in MIND LoL. I can just see your mother sitting there as sooooo many of us do when we forget what we were thinking or doing when you wrote:
Anyway, I stray, and there was a point to be made though, for now, I hardly
know how to make it, or the words that I should say...
But I shall try...Let me see...
I am so glad to see you are REAL and think about what you are trying to get across instead of diction and punctuation and junk like that. Three thumbs up! It is better than the old hum drum let's stay in the BOX for 100 yrs poets.
Thanks for writing!
Comment Written 24-Feb-2005
Comment from ladykay
Hi Ricouard,
A poem for your mom? How very interesting. And a lovely one too.
We all have our -what-you-describe-above,notions of life...the yearning has to be there...'if it could have been this way, if it could have been that way...'
I liked the tone and form of your poem. It talks to me and in the end that's what it is meant to do.
ladykay
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Hi Ricouard,
A poem for your mom? How very interesting. And a lovely one too.
We all have our -what-you-describe-above,notions of life...the yearning has to be there...'if it could have been this way, if it could have been that way...'
I liked the tone and form of your poem. It talks to me and in the end that's what it is meant to do.
ladykay
Comment Written 24-Feb-2005
Comment from thebestsoul
Your work is very good but difficult to read. Your cantradictions are effective but too often, the rhymes are very good. The flow is a little iffy but you still are amongst the most talented poets on the site
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Your work is very good but difficult to read. Your cantradictions are effective but too often, the rhymes are very good. The flow is a little iffy but you still are amongst the most talented poets on the site
Comment Written 24-Feb-2005
Comment from Bryana
I'm glad I saw Authors Notes, I know you wrote this poem for your mother. She must be very proud of you. Your poem is an excellent description of a mother who was probably busy doing for the family that forgot about herself.
I find this stanza true to many of us mothers.
You sit there and look back at your life, painfully reliving bygone days and the memories of all that was, has been, and could never possibly be.
I hope you read my poem "My Little Friend"
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I'm glad I saw Authors Notes, I know you wrote this poem for your mother. She must be very proud of you. Your poem is an excellent description of a mother who was probably busy doing for the family that forgot about herself.
I find this stanza true to many of us mothers.
You sit there and look back at your life, painfully reliving bygone days and the memories of all that was, has been, and could never possibly be.
I hope you read my poem "My Little Friend"
Comment Written 24-Feb-2005
Comment from giftsun
What can I say, but, EXCELLENT! I loved this. It flowed well, with a great message. It's hard to find much to say about excellent work. It's just about as good as it could be.
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What can I say, but, EXCELLENT! I loved this. It flowed well, with a great message. It's hard to find much to say about excellent work. It's just about as good as it could be.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2005
Comment from AWorkInProgress
the last stanza sums it up so well. It is very important to live each day to its fullest. and yes in life many questions arise to which there are no answers. This is very well written and brings about some very good points. --PQ
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the last stanza sums it up so well. It is very important to live each day to its fullest. and yes in life many questions arise to which there are no answers. This is very well written and brings about some very good points. --PQ
Comment Written 23-Feb-2005
Comment from luvsux66
You laugh despite the bitter sorrows, buried deep within all those tomorrow's -
if you are speaking of by gone time's this would only make sense if you said
'all those lost tomorrow's" and now that I think of it by gone times should not have the possesive apostrophe and neither should tomorrows.
here is a good line to show what I mean
But despite the sorrows of all your bitter tomorrow's- for you to require the apostrophe it would need to say
but depite your bitter tomorrow's sorrows- as you have written it apostrophe should be removed. you should try to tighten this up a bit as it rambles somewhat.-LUV
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You laugh despite the bitter sorrows, buried deep within all those tomorrow's -
if you are speaking of by gone time's this would only make sense if you said
'all those lost tomorrow's" and now that I think of it by gone times should not have the possesive apostrophe and neither should tomorrows.
here is a good line to show what I mean
But despite the sorrows of all your bitter tomorrow's- for you to require the apostrophe it would need to say
but depite your bitter tomorrow's sorrows- as you have written it apostrophe should be removed. you should try to tighten this up a bit as it rambles somewhat.-LUV
Comment Written 23-Feb-2005
Comment from rhian65
I love this and really enjoyed the sentiment. As a mother you really appreciate the preciousness of living in the moment because soon your children will be grown and all there'll be are the precious memories. i want to live it, not just remember it
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I love this and really enjoyed the sentiment. As a mother you really appreciate the preciousness of living in the moment because soon your children will be grown and all there'll be are the precious memories. i want to live it, not just remember it
Comment Written 23-Feb-2005