I Cried
The emotional expression of my storm53 total reviews
Comment from artemis53
Tears of emotion are made of a different component than those for the bathing of eyes. They have different proteins spurred on by a completely different hormonal response. Tears have a great purpose in the scheme of things.
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Tears of emotion are made of a different component than those for the bathing of eyes. They have different proteins spurred on by a completely different hormonal response. Tears have a great purpose in the scheme of things.
Comment Written 26-May-2012
Comment from nancy_e_davis
The poem is a nice one but it is not a 5/7/5 poem! You need to pay attention. Review the other 5/7/5 poems in the contest. It is three lines with 17 syllables. Five in the first line Seven in the second line and five in the third line. Sorry but it is true. Honeycomb
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The poem is a nice one but it is not a 5/7/5 poem! You need to pay attention. Review the other 5/7/5 poems in the contest. It is three lines with 17 syllables. Five in the first line Seven in the second line and five in the third line. Sorry but it is true. Honeycomb
Comment Written 26-May-2012
Comment from guinea
Deep emotion comes through in your writing. The rhyming is good. The words flow freely. I enjoyed reading this poem. Shows deep thinking.
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Deep emotion comes through in your writing. The rhyming is good. The words flow freely. I enjoyed reading this poem. Shows deep thinking.
Comment Written 25-May-2012
Comment from Starlit Ink
This was very emotional, creating imagery of crying and empathy. I enjoyed how you equated it to an emotional rain and to a storm. Best of luck in the contest.
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This was very emotional, creating imagery of crying and empathy. I enjoyed how you equated it to an emotional rain and to a storm. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-May-2012
Comment from HeartsDesire2012
Although your message is truly heartfelt and expresses even the strongest of men need to cry to cleanse their souls, your poem does not meet the 5-7-5 guidelines. It should only have 3 lines. Line one should have 5 syllables, line 2 should have 7 syllables and line 3 should have 5 syllables, while completing a thought. Thank you so much for sharing. Be encouraged.
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Although your message is truly heartfelt and expresses even the strongest of men need to cry to cleanse their souls, your poem does not meet the 5-7-5 guidelines. It should only have 3 lines. Line one should have 5 syllables, line 2 should have 7 syllables and line 3 should have 5 syllables, while completing a thought. Thank you so much for sharing. Be encouraged.
Comment Written 25-May-2012
Comment from gifted$1
Very descriptive of what it is like to cry so hard and maybe not even understand why. I like the powerful emotions expressed here to get the reader to understand that pain cannot be habored inside without it gushing forth even when we don't want it to. Crying is a healthy release to help us understand what the trouble may be. Nice work.
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Very descriptive of what it is like to cry so hard and maybe not even understand why. I like the powerful emotions expressed here to get the reader to understand that pain cannot be habored inside without it gushing forth even when we don't want it to. Crying is a healthy release to help us understand what the trouble may be. Nice work.
Comment Written 25-May-2012
Comment from babyross
I love this poem...If I may make a few suggestions...Hold on, it may be long...lol
"I closed my eyes to keep this river inside,
{but)eliminate this. Place the next line under the first. unable to control it they opened and I cried.
So strong I am-
still unable to close this dam,
releasing pouring teardrops
expressing emotionally who I am.
Reach out and touch me
embrace my pride,
take a trip down this waterfall,
find out why I cried.
Unable to explain this emotional rain,
pouring downward to my heart-
like an out of control train.
Bumping and bouncing creating havoc inside,
gave me somewhat of an idea of why I cried.
(But)
now I sat..(sit) with my river (all) eliminate dried,
understading (Understanding)after the storm
just why I cried.
.....................Now see it in this form
I closed my eyes-
to keep this river inside,
unable to control
they opened and I cried.
So strong I am-
still unable to close this dam,
releasing pouring teardrops
expressing emotionally who I am.
Reach out and touch me-
embrace my pride,
take a trip down this waterfall
find out why I cried.
Unable to explain this emotional rain,
pouring downward to my heart
like an out of control train.
Bumping and bouncing,
creating havoc inside,
gave me somewhat of an idea of why I cried.
But now I sit
with my river all dried,
understanding after the storm-
just why I cried.
"This gives your write a better flow, gives the readers eyes a time to rest before going on. It also allows the visuals to be absorbed, to be seen and savored. Hope this helps. It's such a beautiful write.
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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I love this poem...If I may make a few suggestions...Hold on, it may be long...lol
"I closed my eyes to keep this river inside,
{but)eliminate this. Place the next line under the first. unable to control it they opened and I cried.
So strong I am-
still unable to close this dam,
releasing pouring teardrops
expressing emotionally who I am.
Reach out and touch me
embrace my pride,
take a trip down this waterfall,
find out why I cried.
Unable to explain this emotional rain,
pouring downward to my heart-
like an out of control train.
Bumping and bouncing creating havoc inside,
gave me somewhat of an idea of why I cried.
(But)
now I sat..(sit) with my river (all) eliminate dried,
understading (Understanding)after the storm
just why I cried.
.....................Now see it in this form
I closed my eyes-
to keep this river inside,
unable to control
they opened and I cried.
So strong I am-
still unable to close this dam,
releasing pouring teardrops
expressing emotionally who I am.
Reach out and touch me-
embrace my pride,
take a trip down this waterfall
find out why I cried.
Unable to explain this emotional rain,
pouring downward to my heart
like an out of control train.
Bumping and bouncing,
creating havoc inside,
gave me somewhat of an idea of why I cried.
But now I sit
with my river all dried,
understanding after the storm-
just why I cried.
"This gives your write a better flow, gives the readers eyes a time to rest before going on. It also allows the visuals to be absorbed, to be seen and savored. Hope this helps. It's such a beautiful write.
Comment Written 25-May-2012
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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I went back and edited my piece, take a look and tellme if I am on the right track
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I closed my eyes to
keep this river inside,
but unable to control it
they opened and I cried.
Moving "It" right after control and you have a great structured write. I'm pleased that you did not take offense to my suggestions. I do know they will be all over you about it. I try to help if I can. You are a passionate writer and I look forward to reading more from you!
Comment from hollyinvesuvianite
Wow! This is a wonderful verse- compelling, heartfelt and truly emotional- I like hearing that from a man's perspective. You let that dam be broken, didn't really know why at the moment- it just had to be broken, and then afterwards when it dried up, you realized why- but by then it didn't really matter and it just made you stronger. Great work! Continue! :) Holly
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Wow! This is a wonderful verse- compelling, heartfelt and truly emotional- I like hearing that from a man's perspective. You let that dam be broken, didn't really know why at the moment- it just had to be broken, and then afterwards when it dried up, you realized why- but by then it didn't really matter and it just made you stronger. Great work! Continue! :) Holly
Comment Written 25-May-2012
Comment from Bina1
A very fine write! Full of poetic devices and honesty. Thank you for sharing such a strong poem! Good luck in the contest!
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A very fine write! Full of poetic devices and honesty. Thank you for sharing such a strong poem! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 24-May-2012
Comment from RalphNater
It's not easy to open ones self up like that. You put it very poetically. I'm glad you are strong enough to admit when you are weak. Cheers.
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It's not easy to open ones self up like that. You put it very poetically. I'm glad you are strong enough to admit when you are weak. Cheers.
Comment Written 24-May-2012
