My Little Muranos
the night life79 total reviews
Comment from DionysusDeVille
Did it just get hot in here or is it just me lol I loved this poem, although you were talkin of glasses it could almost be taken to be about some beautiful creatures :)
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2011
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Did it just get hot in here or is it just me lol I loved this poem, although you were talkin of glasses it could almost be taken to be about some beautiful creatures :)
Comment Written 14-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2011
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I know every time I read it, I warm up.
Comment from Just2Write
Hmmm, this is a nice chance to join you in your musing. A bit of fantasy, a bit of whimsey. You create such an interesting mood with your Casablanca fan and your savoured favoured drink. I wondered where the gal with the scissored legs fits in - but then I don't get out to a lot of bars anymore.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2011
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Hmmm, this is a nice chance to join you in your musing. A bit of fantasy, a bit of whimsey. You create such an interesting mood with your Casablanca fan and your savoured favoured drink. I wondered where the gal with the scissored legs fits in - but then I don't get out to a lot of bars anymore.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2011
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Don't need a bar to enjoy a scissorin'. Whew!
Comment from keimosobie
I like your poem but somehow I feal theres a lot going on in it i dont see. she always crosses her legs. the mamilain tree?not sure what it all means but over all I like it. A voyeristic view maybe.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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I like your poem but somehow I feal theres a lot going on in it i dont see. she always crosses her legs. the mamilain tree?not sure what it all means but over all I like it. A voyeristic view maybe.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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Yes absolutely a voyeristic view. Trouble was couldn't change channels.
Comment from Brendajay
A very interesting prose piece. I felt the bar scene through your prose. The scissored legs prose was very good. Suggestion: Add "Casablanca" to the second to the last line to read; "The Casablanca fan turns....
It would then mirror your first stanza line. Also, I was challenged by the last line in the first stanza. Somehow this doesn't flow like the rest of your piece. You could just drop "for" in front of "me" and it would sound better. Just a few suggestions to an otherwise fun prose. Thank you!
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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A very interesting prose piece. I felt the bar scene through your prose. The scissored legs prose was very good. Suggestion: Add "Casablanca" to the second to the last line to read; "The Casablanca fan turns....
It would then mirror your first stanza line. Also, I was challenged by the last line in the first stanza. Somehow this doesn't flow like the rest of your piece. You could just drop "for" in front of "me" and it would sound better. Just a few suggestions to an otherwise fun prose. Thank you!
Comment Written 14-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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And thank you my dear. Ur idea of adding Casablanca I understand and is a good one technically. But it doesn't hit me the way I want it to if I add it. I will go back and try ur other suggestion as well. Thank you for taking that much time.
Comment from jaeladarling
In my head I picture a slow beat, if this were a song. Love the pacing and structure. I had never heard of Muranos, so I learned something new also. :) Thanks so much for sharing this with us!
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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In my head I picture a slow beat, if this were a song. Love the pacing and structure. I had never heard of Muranos, so I learned something new also. :) Thanks so much for sharing this with us!
Comment Written 14-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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Thanks so much for reading it.
Comment from moyramouse
Very sensual - the sexual tension shimmers between the lines.
The lights of the bar create an area which is your focus for Friday nights.
Drinks beckon love/ Drinks beckon me - therefore you and love are one
But the woman seems transitory - It's just a scenic life/ she leads/Just a stop/Just to see - one of the 'beautiful people' just dropping in to be seen and to see what is on offer? Then the power of women - the mammalian tree-stacked in other words and the wonderful repetition of crossing their legs - scissorin' and unscissorin'. Definitely a sexual technique to attract a man but also maybe a reference to the way women can metaphorically emasculate a man. I can see the scene, the bar, the muranos, the slow fan, the women and the watching man - Bogart sitting watching......... A super poem, I love the way you have constructed it, the way it lets us put so much of our own understanding in because of your clever use of suggestion. Wish I had a six left, Victor. xxmouse
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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Very sensual - the sexual tension shimmers between the lines.
The lights of the bar create an area which is your focus for Friday nights.
Drinks beckon love/ Drinks beckon me - therefore you and love are one
But the woman seems transitory - It's just a scenic life/ she leads/Just a stop/Just to see - one of the 'beautiful people' just dropping in to be seen and to see what is on offer? Then the power of women - the mammalian tree-stacked in other words and the wonderful repetition of crossing their legs - scissorin' and unscissorin'. Definitely a sexual technique to attract a man but also maybe a reference to the way women can metaphorically emasculate a man. I can see the scene, the bar, the muranos, the slow fan, the women and the watching man - Bogart sitting watching......... A super poem, I love the way you have constructed it, the way it lets us put so much of our own understanding in because of your clever use of suggestion. Wish I had a six left, Victor. xxmouse
Comment Written 14-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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Ah the Mouse has finally mesmerized me. the sexual tension shimmers. I love that. Because "simmers" is implied as well. Very good technique. Writing, that is.... LOL Thank you. Bogart huh? Ooo, I feel the tension.
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Your dissection of the poem is everything I hoped the poem could be.
Comment from ulster3
Pronto, victortouche.
The poem was so flowing and easy to read. Nothing like good legs. I'm happy you explained murano in the notes.
Warmly, rebecca
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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Pronto, victortouche.
The poem was so flowing and easy to read. Nothing like good legs. I'm happy you explained murano in the notes.
Warmly, rebecca
Comment Written 14-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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Good legs is and are an awful good starter for me. Thank you.
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Yep, I saw that in your excellent poem! LOL and hugs. R
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, victor, i enjoyed reading this poem about the lights that give off ambiance to a bar
and makes things look better, especially after a few drinks
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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this is very well written, victor, i enjoyed reading this poem about the lights that give off ambiance to a bar
and makes things look better, especially after a few drinks
Comment Written 14-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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Scenery was pretty good to begin with. Whew! Thank you and an absolute spot on assessment.
Comment from Espresso momma
This has a seductive sound, romantic and smoothe enviroment of where the write is or wants to be at the time. Told well with some great visionary words.Thanks
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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This has a seductive sound, romantic and smoothe enviroment of where the write is or wants to be at the time. Told well with some great visionary words.Thanks
Comment Written 14-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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No, my thanks to you.
Comment from Judian James
Ah, you're traveling? NICE! This was sexy, sensual. I could envision the scene clearly and the woman seductively changing positions to cross and un-cross her legs. The lights, the fan, the drinks, the heat ... I could see and feel it all. Excellent D.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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Ah, you're traveling? NICE! This was sexy, sensual. I could envision the scene clearly and the woman seductively changing positions to cross and un-cross her legs. The lights, the fan, the drinks, the heat ... I could see and feel it all. Excellent D.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
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I am always pleased when you read me. Thank you. (Yes, I know I'm overdue to read u.) (and everyone else). I remain eternally yours in hot water, victor touche.
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Hey there. I'm on vacation starting this afternoon, when we leave for a week at the lake house in Vermont!! That gives you 10 days to catch up on the thrrty plus pieces of mine you've missed!!
Seriously, I understand. Reading and reviewing is very time consuming when life has other plans for you!!