Mike Radshaw and the Black Dawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Demon of Death - BD1"The grim reaper casts his pall over London
32 total reviews
Comment from jsblume
You have a gift for setting a scene and creating strong characters. I really like your analogies, as well. The one spot I got lost was with the following line of dialog:
"I need to go dark."
Because it is separated from the previous paragraph, I thought there had been a change of speaker.
Excellent entry for the contest. Good luck.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2011
  |
You have a gift for setting a scene and creating strong characters. I really like your analogies, as well. The one spot I got lost was with the following line of dialog:
"I need to go dark."
Because it is separated from the previous paragraph, I thought there had been a change of speaker.
Excellent entry for the contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2011
-
Thank you :-). I'll have a think about the placement of that dialogue. I'm so glad you enjoyed the read!
Mike
Comment from adewpearl
I'm hysterical as I reach the comment about Marilyn Manson LOL
Love the description of the gypsy woman's voice - Radshaw has a great attitude and narrative voice :-)
laughing again at the description of her glare
every simile that you put in this guy's inner thoughts is funnier than the one before
Excellent dialogue with Amy
Love the list of things he'd rather touch than the tap in the public loo LOL
the first fart in a half hour crapping session - oh, I need to get that image out of my mind LOL
I very much enjoyed the read as I enjoy all the Mike Radshaw stories, my talented friend :-) Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2011
|
I'm hysterical as I reach the comment about Marilyn Manson LOL
Love the description of the gypsy woman's voice - Radshaw has a great attitude and narrative voice :-)
laughing again at the description of her glare
every simile that you put in this guy's inner thoughts is funnier than the one before
Excellent dialogue with Amy
Love the list of things he'd rather touch than the tap in the public loo LOL
the first fart in a half hour crapping session - oh, I need to get that image out of my mind LOL
I very much enjoyed the read as I enjoy all the Mike Radshaw stories, my talented friend :-) Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2011
-
Thank you, Brooke :-). Mike's similes are a lot of fun to write, and I enjoy try to be progressively more outrageous as the story goes on and his thoughts get more nutty. I'm so happy you liked it!
Mike