The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "What Is The Next Step?"A family learns their father is a serial killer
40 total reviews
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Smurphy
How can you even suggest your writing is boring?
After the fireworks of the last chapter it was obviously necessary for James and Mom to take stock of the situation.
These type of chapters fill in the gaps, whet and hone our appetite for future revelations.
Ron
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Hi Smurphy
How can you even suggest your writing is boring?
After the fireworks of the last chapter it was obviously necessary for James and Mom to take stock of the situation.
These type of chapters fill in the gaps, whet and hone our appetite for future revelations.
Ron
Comment Written 11-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Then you are going to just love the next one. Enjoy the break while you can. I am thrilled you liked this one.
Comment from mlege
Very nicely done. Great tone and descriptive language.
Your lead character is well defined. Smooth transitions.
I noticed one sentence that appears to be a typo, "Good morning sleep head." I looks like "sleep" should be "sleepy." You may consider revising it.
Overall, a very intriguing piece. Look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Very nicely done. Great tone and descriptive language.
Your lead character is well defined. Smooth transitions.
I noticed one sentence that appears to be a typo, "Good morning sleep head." I looks like "sleep" should be "sleepy." You may consider revising it.
Overall, a very intriguing piece. Look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Thanks for catching the spag, it should have been 'sleepy'. I am pleased you enjoyed this and feel the character is well defined.
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The pleasure is all mine. Thank you for sharing.
Comment from Joan E.
Not at all boring--I found your ricocheting "giant iron ping-pong ball" very vivid and James' reaction of feeling like a "frightened child, sitting alone in the dark" humanizing along with the "June Cleaver" comment. -Joan
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Not at all boring--I found your ricocheting "giant iron ping-pong ball" very vivid and James' reaction of feeling like a "frightened child, sitting alone in the dark" humanizing along with the "June Cleaver" comment. -Joan
Comment Written 11-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Poor Mom, I have two endings for her and have yet to decide which to to with. Glad you like this one, I was afraid it might be too technical.
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No, you always keep the chapters well balanced. Now, I'm especially curious about which way Mom will lead you with her character. -Joan
Comment from MS Writer
Well done. It wasn't boring at all. Very interesting and held one's interest. Dialogue and characters are three dimensional. A few small things you may want to look at:
with nothing to defend myself with.
?with no means to defend myself.
impossibly to study
?impossible to study
Great read.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Well done. It wasn't boring at all. Very interesting and held one's interest. Dialogue and characters are three dimensional. A few small things you may want to look at:
with nothing to defend myself with.
?with no means to defend myself.
impossibly to study
?impossible to study
Great read.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Thanks so much for catching the spags. I am pleased you this kept your interest. I was concerned it might be too technical. I take you comment that my characters are three dimensional as a very strong compliment. Thank you very much.
Comment from MaryMeadid
Another excellently constructed chapter Smurphgirl. I was waiting to see what the fall out was going to be after James and his mother had their late night conversation. Your use of description and your flow is most excellent.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Another excellently constructed chapter Smurphgirl. I was waiting to see what the fall out was going to be after James and his mother had their late night conversation. Your use of description and your flow is most excellent.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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I can only guess at how someone would react to hearing such shocking news (even worse than Dad being a serial killer) and am pleased that you enjoyed this one. I wasn't sure if I was being too technical.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
WEll let me assure you your writes are anything BUT Boring! You know what I like about you Smurph? You emerge your whole self into the words... Smurf goes away and your characters start to play and it is all so damn believable! Loved the chapter and your story so far. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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WEll let me assure you your writes are anything BUT Boring! You know what I like about you Smurph? You emerge your whole self into the words... Smurf goes away and your characters start to play and it is all so damn believable! Loved the chapter and your story so far. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 11-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Thank you so much for your enthusiastic review. I am thrilled you liked this one. James has a lot to digest and even more questions to get the answers to.
Comment from c_lucas
The need for answers is pressing James into unfamiliar territory. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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The need for answers is pressing James into unfamiliar territory. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Thank you very much. I am pleased you liked this one.
Comment from moyramouse
The paragraph I presume you are referring to is perfectly believable because of the way James thinks and his IQ. You gave us a very fraught chapter last time and to continue with it would have lessened the impact. By having a 'settling' chapter allows us and James and his mum to draw breath, before he takes up the search again. xmouse
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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The paragraph I presume you are referring to is perfectly believable because of the way James thinks and his IQ. You gave us a very fraught chapter last time and to continue with it would have lessened the impact. By having a 'settling' chapter allows us and James and his mum to draw breath, before he takes up the search again. xmouse
Comment Written 11-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Yes, that was the paragraph. I am pleased you enjoyed this one and agree, the reader (and James) needed a break.
Comment from sunnilicious
Spank the freaking monkey with a hush mouth. Well-written.
Found something for modification, "Good morning sleep head." Change sleep to sleepy as in showing effect of sleep.
All the best!
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Spank the freaking monkey with a hush mouth. Well-written.
Found something for modification, "Good morning sleep head." Change sleep to sleepy as in showing effect of sleep.
All the best!
Comment Written 11-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Thank you so much for your funny and awesome review. I sincerely appreciate the 6 stars and appreciate you catching the spage too.
Comment from Deejharrington
A heartbreaking chapter! Mother and son are deeply disturbed by the events discussed. The mother, like many abuse victims is in denial. James is insistent on following all the trails to his father's vile history. Extremely well written chapter!
deb
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reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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A heartbreaking chapter! Mother and son are deeply disturbed by the events discussed. The mother, like many abuse victims is in denial. James is insistent on following all the trails to his father's vile history. Extremely well written chapter!
deb
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2011
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Thanks so much. I was worried it was too technical. Glad you liked it.