The Glass Cat Eye
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Madame Reece Meets Dr. Connelly"Talking to the dead has its consequences
38 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this chapter for your story, i was interested from beginning to end, i enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2011
  |
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this chapter for your story, i was interested from beginning to end, i enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2011
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from MS Writer
Interesting story line with a lot of action. Well plotted with cliff hanger parts. There may be a few places that you would like to take a look at again:
Steven looked on in much curiosity.
?awkward
On the wall, incased, was an early 1950s
?On the wall, encased, was an early 1950s
two antique, Dark Cherry, Accent chairs.
?two dark cherry antique accent chairs.
it could shout us down and..."
?it could shut us down and..."
"Good to thahh."
?
cases, I alone, have
?cases I alone have
Reece snatched herself
?Reece snatched herself? awkward use of very to snatch (grab)
this time more civil.
?this time more civilly.
"Umm I detect your friend is more than just a friend?
"end quote missing
with a lime Twist.
?with a lime twist.
zipper of his short leather
?zipper of his short leather...jacket, coat...
he snatched around
?don't understand the use of snatch here (to grab?)
type writer.
?typewriter
but the fowl order.
?but the foul odor.
All a while
?All the while
2 ton elephant.
?two ton elephant.
the Crashing sound with the fowl odor.
?the crashing sound with the foul odor.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2011
|
Interesting story line with a lot of action. Well plotted with cliff hanger parts. There may be a few places that you would like to take a look at again:
Steven looked on in much curiosity.
?awkward
On the wall, incased, was an early 1950s
?On the wall, encased, was an early 1950s
two antique, Dark Cherry, Accent chairs.
?two dark cherry antique accent chairs.
it could shout us down and..."
?it could shut us down and..."
"Good to thahh."
?
cases, I alone, have
?cases I alone have
Reece snatched herself
?Reece snatched herself? awkward use of very to snatch (grab)
this time more civil.
?this time more civilly.
"Umm I detect your friend is more than just a friend?
"end quote missing
with a lime Twist.
?with a lime twist.
zipper of his short leather
?zipper of his short leather...jacket, coat...
he snatched around
?don't understand the use of snatch here (to grab?)
type writer.
?typewriter
but the fowl order.
?but the foul odor.
All a while
?All the while
2 ton elephant.
?two ton elephant.
the Crashing sound with the fowl odor.
?the crashing sound with the foul odor.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2011
-
Wow I looked this thing over and over and still missed a bunch of stuff. Thank you so much for your awk eyes. I really appreciate you. I'm making many of your requested corrections. Only two, you suggested, I will ponder before changing That's "the zipper one" and "thahh".
-
Glad you thought it was helpful.
Comment from Paradox Tremors
Steven is going to fall further into trouble and get into a situation he'll find he can't get out of. Well written and very, very spooky there at the end. A couple of things I found and thought you might want to look at--
It just might be me but this sentence don't sound right--"Did a lot of collecting (of) things when I was lecturing in Asia."
2nd---"Umm(,) I detect your friend is more than just a friend?"
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2011
 |
Steven is going to fall further into trouble and get into a situation he'll find he can't get out of. Well written and very, very spooky there at the end. A couple of things I found and thought you might want to look at--
It just might be me but this sentence don't sound right--"Did a lot of collecting (of) things when I was lecturing in Asia."
2nd---"Umm(,) I detect your friend is more than just a friend?"
Comment Written 27-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2011
-
Thank you Tremors. I looked at the sentences and I'm going to look at them again. And see if they need improving. I really do appreciate the read and review.
-
Trevor, I forgot to thank you for the six rating. And I did make the corrections you suggested.
-
It's well deserving and I'm glad I could be of help my friend.
Comment from bbowen6757
A very interesting story, I guess I'll have to find part one. I feel like your plot building is very good, suspense mixed with defining conversation. You might want to check the paragraph beginning:
'Not really, I went to one of her seances. I don't believe...'
further in the paragraph:
'I feel like my friend in ...'
I think you intended to say 'my friend is...'
Very interesting,
Bobby
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2011
|
A very interesting story, I guess I'll have to find part one. I feel like your plot building is very good, suspense mixed with defining conversation. You might want to check the paragraph beginning:
'Not really, I went to one of her seances. I don't believe...'
further in the paragraph:
'I feel like my friend in ...'
I think you intended to say 'my friend is...'
Very interesting,
Bobby
Comment Written 27-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2011
-
Thank you, I made the correction. I appreciate you taking the time to read.
Comment from c_lucas
Beware when a question is answered with a question. This is very well written and held the reader's attention. There is very good imagery and descritpive scheme.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
|
Beware when a question is answered with a question. This is very well written and held the reader's attention. There is very good imagery and descritpive scheme.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
-
Thank you lucas. You scared me with Beware thing. lol
-
You're welcome. Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. Charlie
Comment from moyramouse
The mystery deepens. What is Connelly actually going to do to 'save the world', clearly there are dark forces afoot and we don't know what it was that attacked Steven, we can only imagine. Now Reece has Steven and wants to know what he was doing in her basement. The story flowed well and the conversations were very believable. I noticed some spags ' his car keys.....felt like ice cubs(cubes)'
and Sherlock Holms (Holmes); a fowl(foul) odour; Though she'll/she would never known it. I don't think you need a capital for Crashing. 'Are you satisfied?'he asked it. It spoke in Madame Reece's voice. 'No, Mr Crane, Mr Crane, Mr Crane.'
He didn't recognized(recognize
Whilst parts of the earlier post were very gory, this was an easier read. xmouse
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
|
The mystery deepens. What is Connelly actually going to do to 'save the world', clearly there are dark forces afoot and we don't know what it was that attacked Steven, we can only imagine. Now Reece has Steven and wants to know what he was doing in her basement. The story flowed well and the conversations were very believable. I noticed some spags ' his car keys.....felt like ice cubs(cubes)'
and Sherlock Holms (Holmes); a fowl(foul) odour; Though she'll/she would never known it. I don't think you need a capital for Crashing. 'Are you satisfied?'he asked it. It spoke in Madame Reece's voice. 'No, Mr Crane, Mr Crane, Mr Crane.'
He didn't recognized(recognize
Whilst parts of the earlier post were very gory, this was an easier read. xmouse
Comment Written 26-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
-
Thank you. I've been correcting this thing all day and still missed a pile of stuff. I think odour is European. I think odor is correct for American audience. But I made the other corrections. But there was no gore in Part I.
-
Not as such, it was the description of the young girl, hanging upside down etc which was tough. I guess it made me use too much imagination:):)
Comment from Gungalo
Wow this is sure a freaky story so far you. It kept me glued to it and now I'll have to make sure I read it all. Wonderful use of imagery here and the graat language is appreciated. I found it intriguing to say the least!!!
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
|
Wow this is sure a freaky story so far you. It kept me glued to it and now I'll have to make sure I read it all. Wonderful use of imagery here and the graat language is appreciated. I found it intriguing to say the least!!!
Comment Written 26-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
-
Please read all of it PartI and II. I really need the feedback for a book of shorts. Thank for your review.
-
I shall. Looks like they are back a ways in your library and not on your home page, eh?
-
Hey I didn't know you had a dark club. What do I do to join. I alread got a few dark things going with poety and short stories.
-
You can read all about it on my home page/profile page. Would love to have you join!!! Let me know!!
Comment from RebelRose
This is written very well with good dialogue and character description. However, I have to admit, some of the graphic descriptions of the crimes were hard to read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
|
This is written very well with good dialogue and character description. However, I have to admit, some of the graphic descriptions of the crimes were hard to read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
-
There are not graphic discriptions Rose. Nobody gets killed or injured. Did you read all of it? I just posted 1 minute ago.
-
I was referring to the part about the girl being nailed to the tree upside down and split down the middle (in the last chapter). I did read it all and didn't see anything in the rest of it that was that bad ...that's the part I was referring to about the good dialogue.
-
Oh my goodness. I had forgot about the young girl. Oh yeah that is graphic. Sorry, forgot my own story.lol