The Wind
Life on the prairie62 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is a short but very nice story about life on the prairie in the early days. I would love to read more of this if you expand on it. Hugs! Debbie
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2011
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This is a short but very nice story about life on the prairie in the early days. I would love to read more of this if you expand on it. Hugs! Debbie
Comment Written 22-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2011
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Hi Debbie!! Thank you fo much. Some one else said the same thing? Maybe it is too short!? I will see...thanks for this tip!! I really appreciate you!! Luv, susan
Comment from animatqua
This is very well done horror. My only suggestion would be to stretch the story a bit by expanding the woman's reaction to the wind.
BTW I read stories about pioneers who never reached the homesteads they were seeking because they `saw the elephant'. That is, the area was so astounding and terrifying, so beyond any context they had, they could not face it.
This piece also reminds me of one of the songs in "Paint Your Wagon", when the woman sings of the sky being to big for her.
You might want to incorporate some of those intense feelings into this. It does stand on its own. I just think you could wring some incredible horror from it if you played with it just a bit more.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2011
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This is very well done horror. My only suggestion would be to stretch the story a bit by expanding the woman's reaction to the wind.
BTW I read stories about pioneers who never reached the homesteads they were seeking because they `saw the elephant'. That is, the area was so astounding and terrifying, so beyond any context they had, they could not face it.
This piece also reminds me of one of the songs in "Paint Your Wagon", when the woman sings of the sky being to big for her.
You might want to incorporate some of those intense feelings into this. It does stand on its own. I just think you could wring some incredible horror from it if you played with it just a bit more.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2011
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HI There!! Okay!! You are the third to say it's too short! I will make it longer!! Great ideas, someone else said they had read a similiar story in grade school???? So, I want to make sure I'm not plagerizing??? How would I do that???? If you know, please tell me how to check?? Thank you again for this kind review!! MOST helpful! smiles and a hug....susan
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh Susan, I had no idea this would end so suddenly or so sadly. Strangely enough we had a similar story in our school reading books. (Not suitable for children I think)
This was an excellent short story - well balanced - with a good ending.
Giddy
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2011
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Oh Susan, I had no idea this would end so suddenly or so sadly. Strangely enough we had a similar story in our school reading books. (Not suitable for children I think)
This was an excellent short story - well balanced - with a good ending.
Giddy
Comment Written 21-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2011
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Giddy!! Tell me what the story is you have read??? I do not want to plagerize????? THis worries me. I am thrilled that you enjoyed this, but please if you remember the title, let me know??? OH geez...hugs for being here, you are a wonderful and kind reviewer for me!! luv, susan
Comment from adewpearl
cane breaks, she was used to adversity - replace comma with period
Oh, this is such a plaintive ending, with the dropped baby, the screams and the cries, the wind gaining strength - you've broken my heart, Susan. Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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cane breaks, she was used to adversity - replace comma with period
Oh, this is such a plaintive ending, with the dropped baby, the screams and the cries, the wind gaining strength - you've broken my heart, Susan. Brooke
Comment Written 21-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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Hi Brooke! Well, this is a very encouraging review...Thank you so much!! It's wonderful to have you read my work...smiles! Susan
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Susan,
This one made me say Whoa!
Powerful stuff.
Great descriptions.
Could really feel her anguish and despair and the wind driving her crazy.
This was a good piece even though it was sad.
xoxo,
katie
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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Susan,
This one made me say Whoa!
Powerful stuff.
Great descriptions.
Could really feel her anguish and despair and the wind driving her crazy.
This was a good piece even though it was sad.
xoxo,
katie
Comment Written 21-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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Hi there Katie! Hugs and many thanks again! You are a wonderful fan and I love hearing from you!! Susan
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you're welcome.
Comment from RebelRose
This is so full of drama even though it is short. Very sad but that's the way things were back then and on the prairie. Very good write and an interesting read.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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This is so full of drama even though it is short. Very sad but that's the way things were back then and on the prairie. Very good write and an interesting read.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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HI Rose! Thank you so much! AND congrats on your recent win too! I am honored to have you review for me!! ") Susan
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Thanks for the congrats. Have a great day.
Patty
Comment from Dave M
Susan,
This is an excellent post about a lonesome death on the empty prairie. I enjoyed reading this post and have two suggestions:
"The dirt [dust] crept through every crevice of the cabin..."
"And he had left, leaving her with one rifle,..." This seems too wordy. I'd write, "He left her with one rifle,..."
Dave
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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Susan,
This is an excellent post about a lonesome death on the empty prairie. I enjoyed reading this post and have two suggestions:
"The dirt [dust] crept through every crevice of the cabin..."
"And he had left, leaving her with one rifle,..." This seems too wordy. I'd write, "He left her with one rifle,..."
Dave
Comment Written 21-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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HI Dave! Thank you so much...I will look at this and see if I can make it better! I really apprciate your help!! Thank you again!! Susan
Comment from Sasha
The visual AND emotional imagery in this one sent chills up my spine. Despite never having experienced such horrific wind and loneliness you pulled me right into the story. Superb writing and amazing depth despite the comfortable, short length making it even more amazing. Keep up the great work. I've been away so I apologize for not reviewing more.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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The visual AND emotional imagery in this one sent chills up my spine. Despite never having experienced such horrific wind and loneliness you pulled me right into the story. Superb writing and amazing depth despite the comfortable, short length making it even more amazing. Keep up the great work. I've been away so I apologize for not reviewing more.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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HI Sasha! Thank you so much!! It's okay, I hope you are alright? Let me know how you are? I sure appreciate this kind review...it's very encouraging...what a thrill to get a sixer!! ") luv, susan
Comment from livingwords
Great job in setting the tone and the scene. Kicker ending, the kind that haunts you after you read it and absorb it. Super. Dan :))
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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Great job in setting the tone and the scene. Kicker ending, the kind that haunts you after you read it and absorb it. Super. Dan :))
Comment Written 21-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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HI Dan! Thank you for taking time for me! I appreciate this very much and happy writing to you!! ") Susan
Comment from Gary D. Hardy
I like this read. Well written and organized for a strong cliff hanger. Please tell me there's another installement coming?
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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I like this read. Well written and organized for a strong cliff hanger. Please tell me there's another installement coming?
Comment Written 21-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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HI Joe! I don't know, I could make a part two? I will think about it! Thank you for being here!! I appreciate this Very much! Have a wonderful weekend....susan
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My pleasure and you too!