The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "The Demon and His Son"A family learns their father is a serial killer
35 total reviews
Comment from animatqua
I am impressed with the technical quality of this work. I did not catch any spags. Beyond that, I am seeing a controlled flow in the story line that allows the work to say exactly what needs to be said.
As to the contents, I got a good picture of the characters involved, the setting (very nice work there!) and the action--past and present.
The beginning had a good hook to it. So did the end, which is impressive enough for me to become a fan so I do not missing what comes next.
Altogether, this is about as professional as writing gets.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2011
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I am impressed with the technical quality of this work. I did not catch any spags. Beyond that, I am seeing a controlled flow in the story line that allows the work to say exactly what needs to be said.
As to the contents, I got a good picture of the characters involved, the setting (very nice work there!) and the action--past and present.
The beginning had a good hook to it. So did the end, which is impressive enough for me to become a fan so I do not missing what comes next.
Altogether, this is about as professional as writing gets.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2011
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Thanks you so much for your more than positive review. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from TLMcCallan
You know what? I didn't read your author notes. (Still haven't) Know why? Because I didn't need to. You expressed and explained in your story so beautifully the relationship, I actually moved forward on my seat. I haven't been that close to a computer screen in weeks. (My own work, aside. :)
I don't know the rest of the story, and maybe now, I should. This is some good sh**.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2011
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You know what? I didn't read your author notes. (Still haven't) Know why? Because I didn't need to. You expressed and explained in your story so beautifully the relationship, I actually moved forward on my seat. I haven't been that close to a computer screen in weeks. (My own work, aside. :)
I don't know the rest of the story, and maybe now, I should. This is some good sh**.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2011
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I am thrilled you liked this especially knowing you have not read the previous chapters. Thanks for the compliment. I sincerely appreciate it.
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You're welcome. It's nice when someone enjoys a good piece of work and doesn't have to work for the meaning. Good job.
Comment from sizemore0409
Hello again, Smurphgirl! I enjoyed reading this latest addition to your story. The writing has good consistency. As in prior chapters, I like your attention to detail, as you carefully construct the narrative, which flows smoothly and seamlessly. The imagery, the character-depictions and interactions, the thoughts, dialogue and emotions are all well-crafted, and woven nicely into the fabric of the story. Good work! Andy
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2011
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Hello again, Smurphgirl! I enjoyed reading this latest addition to your story. The writing has good consistency. As in prior chapters, I like your attention to detail, as you carefully construct the narrative, which flows smoothly and seamlessly. The imagery, the character-depictions and interactions, the thoughts, dialogue and emotions are all well-crafted, and woven nicely into the fabric of the story. Good work! Andy
Comment Written 02-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2011
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Thank you so much for your positive comments. I sincerely appreciate them.
Comment from c_lucas
The frustration, anger and betrayal finally got to James. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.
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reply by the author on 02-Feb-2011
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The frustration, anger and betrayal finally got to James. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2011
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Yes, even James has his limits. I am pleased you like this one.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie
Comment from adewpearl
Mr. Hurley, who was standing - add comma
shame up my spine, causing the knot - add comma
off my nose and chin, leaving a trail - add comma
second thought was, I am so glad - add comma
don't talk to me that way, young man - add comma for direct address
play you stupid games - your
You don't known what you are talking about - know
Face it, Dad, you're stupid - add comma before Dad for direct address
gutless, coward - drop comma
tortures, brutalized and murders - brutalizes
Tell me, Dad - add comma
blank expression on his face, - add comma
covered my ears, but the wailing - add comma
You made me cry with that ending, my friend
What an emotionally-charged scene that is
Excellent dialogue with his father, too. Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2011
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Mr. Hurley, who was standing - add comma
shame up my spine, causing the knot - add comma
off my nose and chin, leaving a trail - add comma
second thought was, I am so glad - add comma
don't talk to me that way, young man - add comma for direct address
play you stupid games - your
You don't known what you are talking about - know
Face it, Dad, you're stupid - add comma before Dad for direct address
gutless, coward - drop comma
tortures, brutalized and murders - brutalizes
Tell me, Dad - add comma
blank expression on his face, - add comma
covered my ears, but the wailing - add comma
You made me cry with that ending, my friend
What an emotionally-charged scene that is
Excellent dialogue with his father, too. Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2011
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Thanks for catching ALL the spags...maybe you could teach a class on commas, I know I could use one. Glad you liked this one and sorry I made you cry.
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Never be sorry about making me cry - I love to cry over good books and movies :-)
I've actually thought about teaching a SPAG-related class
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Let me know and I'll save up for it. Heaven knows I could use it.
