The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Evidence"A family learns their father is a serial killer
39 total reviews
Comment from whitteron
public domain (not) ??
This is coming together so well. Did you ever see the movie, Mr. Brooks, with Kevin Costner--the love of my life?
I love thrillers...and may not be able to sleep tonight. Great work.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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public domain (not) ??
This is coming together so well. Did you ever see the movie, Mr. Brooks, with Kevin Costner--the love of my life?
I love thrillers...and may not be able to sleep tonight. Great work.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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I caught the 'not'...don't have any idea where it came from. Yes, I found the movie fascinating too. Glad you liked this one and hope you are able to sleep tonight.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You did a good job describing how the family must feel listening to the horrors their dad/husband committed. I can't imagine the how they must feel. The man they trusted killed so many young girls. Who would want to believe them?
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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You did a good job describing how the family must feel listening to the horrors their dad/husband committed. I can't imagine the how they must feel. The man they trusted killed so many young girls. Who would want to believe them?
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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It would be very difficult for any family member to believe something so horrific. Thanks for the great 5 stars.
Comment from c_lucas
Family loyalty can only go so far. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Very good job.
Errors
I want each of your (you) to keep a low profile
is going be public domain not. (
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Family loyalty can only go so far. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Very good job.
Errors
I want each of your (you) to keep a low profile
is going be public domain not. (
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Thanks for catching the spags. I agree, there is a point when you have no choice but to face the truth.
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You're welcome, Sasha. Charlie
Comment from L.lora
Excellent, time line
flows consistent, good
descriptive narratives
and equally good dialogues.
"not, in a few hours, is going(to) be public domain not"
"
victims. So, why is he only charge(d) with six murders?"
"DNA and fibers found are linked to you(r) father as well."
Looking forward to your
next post... Lora
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Excellent, time line
flows consistent, good
descriptive narratives
and equally good dialogues.
"not, in a few hours, is going(to) be public domain not"
"
victims. So, why is he only charge(d) with six murders?"
"DNA and fibers found are linked to you(r) father as well."
Looking forward to your
next post... Lora
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Thanks for catching the spags, I am the world's worst proofreader. I am pleased you are enjoying this.
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I don't proof my own stuff worth a darn, so here again--we are two of a kind...LOL.
Comment from LadyNyx
Hey, great addition and seems open and closed, but is it? He he, can't wait to find out. I'm giving a five because I like the writing, but I have some questions about a few things.
In relation to fingerprints, I thought firefighters in the US were fingerprinted upon entering the academy to check for criminal records and so forth. As such, when they put the prints found at the crime scene, they should (I think) have popped up, especially if it had been a number of years for the case to be worked on. Eventually they would have sent it through every government, local and federal, systems. Now, I'm not sure if that's completely accurate, but you might want to check. I'm just pointing it out for the purposes of realism to a degree.
It's not much and it's possible I'm completely wrong, I just wanted to mention it.
Anyway, fantastic addition. Can't wait for more.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Hey, great addition and seems open and closed, but is it? He he, can't wait to find out. I'm giving a five because I like the writing, but I have some questions about a few things.
In relation to fingerprints, I thought firefighters in the US were fingerprinted upon entering the academy to check for criminal records and so forth. As such, when they put the prints found at the crime scene, they should (I think) have popped up, especially if it had been a number of years for the case to be worked on. Eventually they would have sent it through every government, local and federal, systems. Now, I'm not sure if that's completely accurate, but you might want to check. I'm just pointing it out for the purposes of realism to a degree.
It's not much and it's possible I'm completely wrong, I just wanted to mention it.
Anyway, fantastic addition. Can't wait for more.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Only after 1998 were new recruits required to be fingerprinted and even then it was a random requirement. Only in the early 2000's (after 9/11) was it mandatory, and still only for new recruits. I can only speak for Seattle, which is where this takes place. When checking fingerprints, it is selective. First criminals, then sex offenders, and so on. Good point though. Glad you liked this one.
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Ah, I see. Now I know something new, a good day for me. Thanks for answering that :)
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Another powerful chapter.
Heartfelt.
Sad for the family.
Interesting.
Good descriptions.
Good developments.
I like the dialogue.
Good ending.
Katie
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Another powerful chapter.
Heartfelt.
Sad for the family.
Interesting.
Good descriptions.
Good developments.
I like the dialogue.
Good ending.
Katie
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Thanks I am thrilled you liked this one.
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you're welcome.
Katie
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Smurf
You know what I really like is th deep structure of setting up the background scenes. They use vivid realistic details that enable me to continue with thorough understanding. Your characters are also dominant and demand to be heard. Good storyline. Well done my friend...
xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Hi Smurf
You know what I really like is th deep structure of setting up the background scenes. They use vivid realistic details that enable me to continue with thorough understanding. Your characters are also dominant and demand to be heard. Good storyline. Well done my friend...
xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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I am thrilled you liked this one.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Sasha, I still get the chills reading this chapter. You've described every detail so clearly for us to understand this tricky business. I'm not looking for mistakes, but I've found these:
public domain not. (what does this mean?)
hard, working --> hard working
linked to you father --> your father
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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Hi, Sasha, I still get the chills reading this chapter. You've described every detail so clearly for us to understand this tricky business. I'm not looking for mistakes, but I've found these:
public domain not. (what does this mean?)
hard, working --> hard working
linked to you father --> your father
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Public domain is a phrase used to describe open to the public. The media often uses this as an excuse to do stories on people who want to be left alone. Good example would be Princess Di, she was considered public domain and harassed mercilessly by the media. Thanks for catching the spags. I am pleased this is keeping your interest.
Comment from adewpearl
First, Charlie, you need to check your temper - add the second comma
although I want each of your to keep a low profile - each of you
is going to be public domain not - drop the "not"
I will have no further access to information; however, - add the semicolon
he immediately evoked his right to remain silent - invoked
You set the evidence out clearly and starkly in a way that makes everything crystal clear to the readers as well as this man's family - you also make it clear how horrific it is for a child or spouse to hear these things about a father/husband. I can't imagine a single person not being completely drawn into this story at this point. Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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First, Charlie, you need to check your temper - add the second comma
although I want each of your to keep a low profile - each of you
is going to be public domain not - drop the "not"
I will have no further access to information; however, - add the semicolon
he immediately evoked his right to remain silent - invoked
You set the evidence out clearly and starkly in a way that makes everything crystal clear to the readers as well as this man's family - you also make it clear how horrific it is for a child or spouse to hear these things about a father/husband. I can't imagine a single person not being completely drawn into this story at this point. Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much for catching the spags. I am thrilled you find this compelling and that it is keeping your interest.
