The Phone Call
Contest entry43 total reviews
Comment from L.lora
Very nicely done, yes--
I believe God answers
prayers although it is
not always the answers we
want or recognize. Good
discriptions that hold
your reader captive throughout
your story. Excellent job.
no nits or spags. Lora
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Very nicely done, yes--
I believe God answers
prayers although it is
not always the answers we
want or recognize. Good
discriptions that hold
your reader captive throughout
your story. Excellent job.
no nits or spags. Lora
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Thanks so much. I am pleased you liked this one.
Comment from Halfree
I read this story knowing a little more about you and your life.The story is much deeper than the words and the emotions expressed in the 513 words. It is a good story in that it examines our inner world, the dark private places of our minds. Well done...very well done.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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I read this story knowing a little more about you and your life.The story is much deeper than the words and the emotions expressed in the 513 words. It is a good story in that it examines our inner world, the dark private places of our minds. Well done...very well done.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2010
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Thanks you so much. I prefer to make people laugh, but this is something I have often thought about. I sincerely appreciate the six stars too.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing about the phone call that is so important to save a life or take one. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing about the phone call that is so important to save a life or take one. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much. I am pleased you liked this one despite its dark nature.
Comment from Gungalo
An interesting write but don't think it should be in first person for that person could not possibly have written this, unless of course the phone rang.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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An interesting write but don't think it should be in first person for that person could not possibly have written this, unless of course the phone rang.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thanks for the great review. You make a good point. I will take a look and see what I can do to improve this
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I love it but you do see what I mean. I'm confidant you'll adjust that train of thought.
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I think by changing that last sentence to a new paragraph, I am able to continue he present tense.
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Well, let's see.
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello Smurphgirl,
Profound. Yes, God does answer our prayers. He also protects us from ourselves. Good luck in the contest.
What is about "Silence" that is such a killer?
Regards, LateBloomer
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Hello Smurphgirl,
Profound. Yes, God does answer our prayers. He also protects us from ourselves. Good luck in the contest.
What is about "Silence" that is such a killer?
Regards, LateBloomer
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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I a going through a dark phase due to pain medication for my recent surgery.....lol Glad you liked this one.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Sasha, after fifteen years the narrator must have been very tired and the question to die or not to die is no more important. I believe this is what you wanted to portray in this flash fiction, and have done it successfully. Still, it is so sad ...
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Hi, Sasha, after fifteen years the narrator must have been very tired and the question to die or not to die is no more important. I believe this is what you wanted to portray in this flash fiction, and have done it successfully. Still, it is so sad ...
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Yes it is sad, and all too often a reality. Glad you liked this one despite its dark nature.
Comment from Judith Ann
I truly enjoyed reading this story. It is believable and you have portrayed the main character well. When you write "Although I did not kill my father, I know in my heart it is possible I eventually would have if his abuse had continued," you made this a compelling read. Very good contest entry. -Judy
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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I truly enjoyed reading this story. It is believable and you have portrayed the main character well. When you write "Although I did not kill my father, I know in my heart it is possible I eventually would have if his abuse had continued," you made this a compelling read. Very good contest entry. -Judy
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you. I am pleased you liked this one despite its dark nature.
Comment from Charlene0513
To Smurfgirl,
A very challenging but powerful and expressive piece of work with this flash fiction.
You left nothing out to the nakes eye to ponder.
You dramatic and life altering---throwing all caution to the wind on this one.
Great Job!
Charlene
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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To Smurfgirl,
A very challenging but powerful and expressive piece of work with this flash fiction.
You left nothing out to the nakes eye to ponder.
You dramatic and life altering---throwing all caution to the wind on this one.
Great Job!
Charlene
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Blame it on the pain medication I am taking for my recent surgery. I am pleased you liked this one despite its dark nature. Thank also for the marvelous 6 stars too.
Comment from wiccgypsy1
Very good! The character is sad in the sense that he ia accused falsely, but resigned in the fact that he would have done it eventually anyway. Makes me wonder what it would be like. Great job!
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Very good! The character is sad in the sense that he ia accused falsely, but resigned in the fact that he would have done it eventually anyway. Makes me wonder what it would be like. Great job!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thanks for the great review. I cannot imagine anything worse then being executed for something you did not do.
Comment from bowls
A great story - especially the last line which is both expected and unexpected. The speaker gives us his story first, so we, the readers, know the truth. You've created sympathy for him, and so as the story progresses we are bound up with his situation and hope for a phone call. The suspense builds until the end. Nicely crafted! Just one little thing: In paragraph two you are writing in the present tense; therefore, your verb should be LIE and not LAY.(LAY in the present tense means to set something down; lie in the present tense means to recline)
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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A great story - especially the last line which is both expected and unexpected. The speaker gives us his story first, so we, the readers, know the truth. You've created sympathy for him, and so as the story progresses we are bound up with his situation and hope for a phone call. The suspense builds until the end. Nicely crafted! Just one little thing: In paragraph two you are writing in the present tense; therefore, your verb should be LIE and not LAY.(LAY in the present tense means to set something down; lie in the present tense means to recline)
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thanks for catching the spag. I am pleased you liked this despite its dark nature.
