Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Day 2"One Man's Return From Hell
48 total reviews
Comment from sasil
Good pace, dialog, conflict and development of characters. I appreciated the background on the Sheriff--just enough to get a feel for the situation (as I'm starting the book at this chapter) and set-up for the conversation/investigation at chapter's end. Nice work!
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Good pace, dialog, conflict and development of characters. I appreciated the background on the Sheriff--just enough to get a feel for the situation (as I'm starting the book at this chapter) and set-up for the conversation/investigation at chapter's end. Nice work!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much for reading and your kind words. If you're just starting and have a few minutes, chapter one is an intro and chapter two is actually one longer backstory.
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I'll try to later--as time allows!
Comment from R. K. Alan
More pieces to the puzzle are coming together. It a shame the sheriff accepted money from Boudreaux. So he's been asked to return some "favors" but Dax has some concerns over the sheriffs integrity. Nice story progression. Ray aka krylon
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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More pieces to the puzzle are coming together. It a shame the sheriff accepted money from Boudreaux. So he's been asked to return some "favors" but Dax has some concerns over the sheriffs integrity. Nice story progression. Ray aka krylon
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Hi Ray - thanks for dropping by. I appreciate your support of this story. Regards, Bill
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
bhogg:
sometimes one makes a deal with the devil
without thinking about the repercussions
down the road -- unfortunately, when someone's
beloved spouse is dying and in need of medical
care which is beyond affordable, one makes
choices that would not normally be made
this is an excellent chapter
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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bhogg:
sometimes one makes a deal with the devil
without thinking about the repercussions
down the road -- unfortunately, when someone's
beloved spouse is dying and in need of medical
care which is beyond affordable, one makes
choices that would not normally be made
this is an excellent chapter
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thanks Jan. You are right about people making wrong choices, but ones they feel are the only ones they can make. Regards, Bill
Comment from RebelRose
Those small town sheriffs don't always get re-elected because they are doing something right. Sometimes it's because others fear him and sometimes because no one else wants the job. No one runs against him. I've lived in a small town and I think you have too so you know what I'm talking about, ha ha. Great chapter.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Those small town sheriffs don't always get re-elected because they are doing something right. Sometimes it's because others fear him and sometimes because no one else wants the job. No one runs against him. I've lived in a small town and I think you have too so you know what I'm talking about, ha ha. Great chapter.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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I sure do know what you mean. In fact, I really should put that standard disclaimer in about none of the characters in the story are based on .....
Comment from G. Eleck
Congratulations and well done on a fantastic piece of writing... I loved when I read this that I felt as though I was seeing it play out in my mind... Thanks for a great read.
Thanks G :)
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Congratulations and well done on a fantastic piece of writing... I loved when I read this that I felt as though I was seeing it play out in my mind... Thanks for a great read.
Thanks G :)
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading and for your kind words.
Comment from sheilanewton
A lovely mix of dialogue and thought: an exceptional mix of description of place and person.
I'm also impressed with the chapter. The story-line is strong and the language used makes the piece flow splendidly.
Only thing I'm not sure of is that you say, 'he thought' occasionally where it's not needed, I think. But hey, that's nit-picking and I absolutely loved this piece of work.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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A lovely mix of dialogue and thought: an exceptional mix of description of place and person.
I'm also impressed with the chapter. The story-line is strong and the language used makes the piece flow splendidly.
Only thing I'm not sure of is that you say, 'he thought' occasionally where it's not needed, I think. But hey, that's nit-picking and I absolutely loved this piece of work.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Tlhanks for reading. I'll circle back around and look at the "he thought". If you noticed, it is probably overused. Regards, Bill
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent chapter well written. The story is moving fast.
However, I found it difficult to hold my interest from wavering when you were giving the background of the Sheriff. I'd suggest pruning it a bit. Give it in bits and pieces, but let the action continue.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Excellent chapter well written. The story is moving fast.
However, I found it difficult to hold my interest from wavering when you were giving the background of the Sheriff. I'd suggest pruning it a bit. Give it in bits and pieces, but let the action continue.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thanks for reading and the observation. You never know, the background on the Sheriff is probably the most positive feedback I've gotten. I'm a firm believer in pruning though so will certainly give it a look.
Comment from Lou Briggs
I'm a bit shaky on the story (this is the only chapter I've read), but I can tell you have a strong plotline, complete with well developed characters.
Even though this isn't my preferred genre (I'm a strict fantasy/sci-fi lover. Yeah, I'm one of those dorks), I really think you have a great story here! Good job!
-Lou
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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I'm a bit shaky on the story (this is the only chapter I've read), but I can tell you have a strong plotline, complete with well developed characters.
Even though this isn't my preferred genre (I'm a strict fantasy/sci-fi lover. Yeah, I'm one of those dorks), I really think you have a great story here! Good job!
-Lou
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thanks Lou. Especially appreciated when not your choice of genre. If you ever have a couple of extra minutes, chapter one is a strong intro and chapter two is an extended backstory. Regards, Bill
Comment from dportwood
bhogg,
Enough action, narrative, and dialogue to keep the reader's interest. I detected no spag as I read. Well done.
Duane
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2010
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bhogg,
Enough action, narrative, and dialogue to keep the reader's interest. I detected no spag as I read. Well done.
Duane
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2010
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Hi Duane - thank you very much for reading and for your comments. Regards, Bill
Comment from lola29
Bill, this was an excellent read. You are a fabulous writer. I'm empressed with how perfectly you incorporated the heartbreaking scene where the sheriff put the gun in his mouth. I could sense his pain, and who in their right mind could blame him for trying to save his wife's life. Excellent!
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2010
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Bill, this was an excellent read. You are a fabulous writer. I'm empressed with how perfectly you incorporated the heartbreaking scene where the sheriff put the gun in his mouth. I could sense his pain, and who in their right mind could blame him for trying to save his wife's life. Excellent!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2010
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Thanks Lola - coming from the master, this is high praise indeed. Always warm regards, Bill
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Please! You are the master, and I'm learning from you.