Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "The Bench"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
39 total reviews
Comment from Mariea
A beautiful poignant story which should do well in the comp. It develops smoothly as it progresses without any clutter or 'spags'.
have a great day, regards Mia
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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A beautiful poignant story which should do well in the comp. It develops smoothly as it progresses without any clutter or 'spags'.
have a great day, regards Mia
Comment Written 01-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Mia
I appreciate all your comments and thoughts. Thank you for your review. Smiles to you...
Comment from eliz100
What a powerfully sad story. It brought tears to my eyes. The ending is beautiful. It is well-written and I do not see room for improvement.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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What a powerfully sad story. It brought tears to my eyes. The ending is beautiful. It is well-written and I do not see room for improvement.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Eliz
I appreciate all your comments and thoughts. Thank you for your review. Smiles to you...
Comment from melyuki
Hi miss noname, what a delightful story of love , compassion, friendship and companionship all bound into this wonderful episode of everlasting love and passsion.
your description of the elderly man on the park bench conjures up thoughts of older folk we so often see, and the reflections he brings to mind of his once beautiful wife, so endearing, and yet now so far away..
his quiet passing with her holding his hand. a lovely connotation , imagining how gracefully he slipped into her spriritual world , together forever, in peace and harmony.. a pure delight to read and review.. best of luck my no name friend, may your readers enjoy this lovely piece.. hugs and smiles, andlotsaluv, From Melxxxxx
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Hi miss noname, what a delightful story of love , compassion, friendship and companionship all bound into this wonderful episode of everlasting love and passsion.
your description of the elderly man on the park bench conjures up thoughts of older folk we so often see, and the reflections he brings to mind of his once beautiful wife, so endearing, and yet now so far away..
his quiet passing with her holding his hand. a lovely connotation , imagining how gracefully he slipped into her spriritual world , together forever, in peace and harmony.. a pure delight to read and review.. best of luck my no name friend, may your readers enjoy this lovely piece.. hugs and smiles, andlotsaluv, From Melxxxxx
Comment Written 01-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Sis,
Thanks for the great review...You know I know you always are there for me...Sis
Comment from zuluruby
A touching piece of flash, and nicely executed with beginning, middle and resounding conclusion. It reminds me of my grandparents' love to the very end. You have one typo in the the paragraph beginning:
He'd watched her graceful movements ... [pull4r] her into his arms :- pulled
A very lovely piece. All the best in the comp.
zulu
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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A touching piece of flash, and nicely executed with beginning, middle and resounding conclusion. It reminds me of my grandparents' love to the very end. You have one typo in the the paragraph beginning:
He'd watched her graceful movements ... [pull4r] her into his arms :- pulled
A very lovely piece. All the best in the comp.
zulu
Comment Written 01-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Zulu
I appreciate all your comments and thoughts. Thank you for your review. Smiles to you...
Comment from patmedium
the grass, pull4r her into his arms, [pulled]
The old man shuttered, [shuddered]
This is a sweet story... I am not docking stars for these two little slips, they are easily rectified.
Good luck with it. Pat.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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the grass, pull4r her into his arms, [pulled]
The old man shuttered, [shuddered]
This is a sweet story... I am not docking stars for these two little slips, they are easily rectified.
Good luck with it. Pat.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Pat,
I appreciate all your comments and thoughts. Thank you for your review. Smiles to you...
Comment from Charlene0513
A Flash fiction that speaks of the adoration for his beloved wife who had passed on.
But I found no drama or exciting element that kept my attention.
One minor error:
1).....[pull4r] her into his arms, and they'd shared a passionate kiss.
Charlene
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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A Flash fiction that speaks of the adoration for his beloved wife who had passed on.
But I found no drama or exciting element that kept my attention.
One minor error:
1).....[pull4r] her into his arms, and they'd shared a passionate kiss.
Charlene
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Charlene,
Sorry the story wasn't to your liking...but I thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Smiles to you,
Comment from fionageorge
What a lovely and sweet flash-fiction you have written here. I enjoyed each word, with the poignancy and emotions of a lonely old man coming through the words. You hyave succeeded to give him a voice without using any dialogue. Well done.
I have a couple of observations, which you may like to consider:
He'd [the 'd is not necessary, just He watched her ...] watched her graceful movements
They'd fall [They fell?] on the grass, still clinging to each other, professing their love.
The old man shuttered [should this be 'shuddered'?]
But, all in all, a good entry to this contest. Good luck and warmest regards, Marijke
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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What a lovely and sweet flash-fiction you have written here. I enjoyed each word, with the poignancy and emotions of a lonely old man coming through the words. You hyave succeeded to give him a voice without using any dialogue. Well done.
I have a couple of observations, which you may like to consider:
He'd [the 'd is not necessary, just He watched her ...] watched her graceful movements
They'd fall [They fell?] on the grass, still clinging to each other, professing their love.
The old man shuttered [should this be 'shuddered'?]
But, all in all, a good entry to this contest. Good luck and warmest regards, Marijke
Comment Written 01-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Marijke,
I appreciate all your comments and thoughts. Thank you for your review. Smiles to you...
Comment from dragonpoet
Well written with strong images and emotions. It shows the loneliness of life after losing a spouse. Also, shows the strength of love and the beauty of the reunion after death.
I think pull4r should be pulled.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Well written with strong images and emotions. It shows the loneliness of life after losing a spouse. Also, shows the strength of love and the beauty of the reunion after death.
I think pull4r should be pulled.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 01-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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dragonpoet,
I appreciate all your comments and thoughts. Thank you for your review. Smiles to you...
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You're welcome.
dragonpoet
Comment from mdeleon
oh thats lovely. very well done. what is the word limit on flash fiction? i think you create a well rounded effort in the constraints given. is this sentence supposed to look like this or is it a mistake? "pull4r her into his arms" ?? well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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oh thats lovely. very well done. what is the word limit on flash fiction? i think you create a well rounded effort in the constraints given. is this sentence supposed to look like this or is it a mistake? "pull4r her into his arms" ?? well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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mdeleon
I appreciate all your comments and thoughts. Thank you for your review. Smiles to you...
