Contest Entry and Winners
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "I'm Here!"Short Stories
60 total reviews
Comment from DearlB
This is a fantastic, complete, well written story in the few words allowed.
I found no spag errors. You should do well in this contest, it is the best that I have read.
Best of luck,
Dearl
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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This is a fantastic, complete, well written story in the few words allowed.
I found no spag errors. You should do well in this contest, it is the best that I have read.
Best of luck,
Dearl
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Dearl,
Thank you for the kind response and encouraging words. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Belinda
So touching. It is as if Michael (her deceased son?) is listening from heaven and gives her a sign that everything will be alright. Interesting.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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So touching. It is as if Michael (her deceased son?) is listening from heaven and gives her a sign that everything will be alright. Interesting.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Belinda,
I believe he does just that all the time. A blessing from above. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Mariea
A very poignant piece of writing. A good read without any clutter or 'spags'. Good luck in the comp.
Have a great day. Regards Mia
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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A very poignant piece of writing. A good read without any clutter or 'spags'. Good luck in the comp.
Have a great day. Regards Mia
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Mia,
Thank you so much for the wonderful thoughts..Smiles, Carol
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
What a pretty and sad scene, with a somewhat happy ending-at least things got better with a little encouragement from the sun shining. Well done. I enjoyed reading this. Betty
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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What a pretty and sad scene, with a somewhat happy ending-at least things got better with a little encouragement from the sun shining. Well done. I enjoyed reading this. Betty
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Betty,
Thank you for reading and enjoying. Your comments are thoughtful. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Judith Ann
What a lovely writing. Your story is filled with the world's trouble and anguish, but also paints a picture of hope for a better future. Very nicely done emotional piece. I enjoyed this. -Judy
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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What a lovely writing. Your story is filled with the world's trouble and anguish, but also paints a picture of hope for a better future. Very nicely done emotional piece. I enjoyed this. -Judy
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Judy,
Thanks for seeing beyond the written words. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from redrider6612
This story has a lot of potential. The reader isn't given enough information to understand the conflict.
The second sentence didn't really fit with the story, IMHO.
With micro fiction, every word has to be weighed for importance. Modifiers and superlatives should be trimmed. For example:
Your dad is [very] sick and can't work.
The sun peeked through [the hole]--redundant
A bit of heaven filled her heart[,] giving her strength.
Finally, to be true micro fiction, there needs to be a surprise twist at the end. While this ending was uplifting and sweet, it didn't really feel like a twist.
I hope you'll keep working at micro fiction. It's an excellent writing exercise that teaches how to write tight, which is a useful skill in all types of writing.
Best wishes in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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This story has a lot of potential. The reader isn't given enough information to understand the conflict.
The second sentence didn't really fit with the story, IMHO.
With micro fiction, every word has to be weighed for importance. Modifiers and superlatives should be trimmed. For example:
Your dad is [very] sick and can't work.
The sun peeked through [the hole]--redundant
A bit of heaven filled her heart[,] giving her strength.
Finally, to be true micro fiction, there needs to be a surprise twist at the end. While this ending was uplifting and sweet, it didn't really feel like a twist.
I hope you'll keep working at micro fiction. It's an excellent writing exercise that teaches how to write tight, which is a useful skill in all types of writing.
Best wishes in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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REdrider,
Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comments. I appreciate hearing from you. Carol
Comment from skye
Creative, tender, filled with poignant emotions and joyful ending.
It is never easy when the whole world crashes in... but it is wonderful when an answer comes directly from heaven.
Well done.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Creative, tender, filled with poignant emotions and joyful ending.
It is never easy when the whole world crashes in... but it is wonderful when an answer comes directly from heaven.
Well done.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Skye,
Yes, a blessing for sure! Thanks for the kind review. Carol
Comment from hotstuff
Your story is so sad. I think it is a good contest entry.
It is amazing how things happen to lift our spirit when we least expect it. That ray of sunlight at that particular moment was so significant to the mother. I can relate to this so well as when my brother died my family and I had a similar experience. We were in the church and it was a bleak February day, icy cold with driving sleet outside. The service was over and as we prepared to leave the church, we looked at John's coffin and gasped, as all of a sudden the most beautiful rays of sunlight streamed on to it. It felt like he was comforting us, telling us he was okay. I will never forget it.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Your story is so sad. I think it is a good contest entry.
It is amazing how things happen to lift our spirit when we least expect it. That ray of sunlight at that particular moment was so significant to the mother. I can relate to this so well as when my brother died my family and I had a similar experience. We were in the church and it was a bleak February day, icy cold with driving sleet outside. The service was over and as we prepared to leave the church, we looked at John's coffin and gasped, as all of a sudden the most beautiful rays of sunlight streamed on to it. It felt like he was comforting us, telling us he was okay. I will never forget it.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Hotstuff,
I truly believe that God blesses us with answers if we are only open to them. My blessing is usually butterflies...Thank you..Carol
Comment from Anna Writes
I like the story. The concept works well with the 100 words. You made every word count and you painted a clear picture of the scene. This would make a nice beginning to a longer story. What happens after she leaves? Does she carry that piece of heaven around and share it or does she let it dry up in her heart?
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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I like the story. The concept works well with the 100 words. You made every word count and you painted a clear picture of the scene. This would make a nice beginning to a longer story. What happens after she leaves? Does she carry that piece of heaven around and share it or does she let it dry up in her heart?
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Anna,
Sorry...in flash fiction I can only write the bare minimum. Thank you for reading. CArol
Comment from Shirley B
I loved this writing. Her son was listening after all. The imagery was great. My heart was lightened by this writing. Good luck in the contest. It made me feel better. You did a great job, Shirley
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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I loved this writing. Her son was listening after all. The imagery was great. My heart was lightened by this writing. Good luck in the contest. It made me feel better. You did a great job, Shirley
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Shirley,
Thanks for reading and understanding. I always appreciate hearing from you. Smiles, CArol