The Ice Princess
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Mother's Fear"Love, Hate, Conflicts and Fear
37 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Begin Again,
Now you definitely started you story off with a bang a two bodies found in a dessert
I like your your characters Hanna sounds like a carefree and happy lady,(and Love the way you have described Macy.
Looks like I better learn how to read Spanish
Gert
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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Hello Begin Again,
Now you definitely started you story off with a bang a two bodies found in a dessert
I like your your characters Hanna sounds like a carefree and happy lady,(and Love the way you have described Macy.
Looks like I better learn how to read Spanish
Gert
Comment Written 07-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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Gert
I had to use a translation book...But I thought it added a little dimension to her character. She doesn't to it much just when she gets excited. Glad you enjoyed it! Smiles, Carol
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Carol you are welcome
Did you know that you can Goggle and have English translated into Spanish or Spanish converted into English.
.
Gert
Comment from c_lucas
When your defense attorney holds a grudge about a college romance, mail in your change of address. This has the appearance of being a very well written story. I'm looking forward to it.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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When your defense attorney holds a grudge about a college romance, mail in your change of address. This has the appearance of being a very well written story. I'm looking forward to it.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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Charlie
Thank you for the encouragement, Charlie. I greatly appreciate and need it. Thanks again Carol
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You're welcome, Carol. Charlie
Comment from Nobie
I really liked it. I am looking forward in reading another chapter. The only thing that lost me is when I first read Hanna's dialogue I imagined her with a heavy Spanish accent, but a little further in the story it seemed like she spoke more slang than broken English. I hope that makes sense.
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reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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I really liked it. I am looking forward in reading another chapter. The only thing that lost me is when I first read Hanna's dialogue I imagined her with a heavy Spanish accent, but a little further in the story it seemed like she spoke more slang than broken English. I hope that makes sense.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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Nobie
Is the only thing you found wrong with the story the fact that her speech isn't how you imagined it? The four stars indicates that the story needed improvement and I certainly want to follow through on that. Thanks Carol
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Carol ....
With this being the first chapter in your new book, it would seem that you have a good story opening up before us.
There are just a few small changes indicated ...
* You have - discovery of two bodies ... and then later,you have - All victims were female. This should be -
Both victims were female.
* In the quotation starting "Dios etc. ..." it needs sorting out as you will see.
* You have - You better hurry ... this should be -
You had better hurry ...
* Where you have mom and mommy, I suggest capital letters - Mom .. and .. Mommy.
Thank you for sharing this with us, I enjoyed reading what you have written and look forward to the next chapter.
With love from ...... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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Hullo Carol ....
With this being the first chapter in your new book, it would seem that you have a good story opening up before us.
There are just a few small changes indicated ...
* You have - discovery of two bodies ... and then later,you have - All victims were female. This should be -
Both victims were female.
* In the quotation starting "Dios etc. ..." it needs sorting out as you will see.
* You have - You better hurry ... this should be -
You had better hurry ...
* Where you have mom and mommy, I suggest capital letters - Mom .. and .. Mommy.
Thank you for sharing this with us, I enjoyed reading what you have written and look forward to the next chapter.
With love from ...... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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Nanette
I didn't catch that All victims because it was an excerpt from a real newpaper..but it does sound better so I changed it. The other corrections I believe I had already made. Thanks so much for the kind review. Crol
Comment from RebelRose
Another very interesting piece. I read one of your's a few minutes ago and my computer shut down as I was about to 'send' and I have no idea where it 'went' or not. I like this story.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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Another very interesting piece. I read one of your's a few minutes ago and my computer shut down as I was about to 'send' and I have no idea where it 'went' or not. I like this story.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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RebelRose
I am pleased that you enjoyed the story so far. I hope it holds your attention as we get more involved. Thanks again. Carol
Comment from dmjones
Excellent first chapter. This is going to be interesting I believe so keep it up. One thing the editor wacked out this one part:
"Dios m?o, mis beb©s dulce."
Have you tried using the advanced editor on FanStory? I use it now all the time and mostly I can avoid this.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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Excellent first chapter. This is going to be interesting I believe so keep it up. One thing the editor wacked out this one part:
"Dios m?o, mis beb©s dulce."
Have you tried using the advanced editor on FanStory? I use it now all the time and mostly I can avoid this.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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Donna
I did use the Advanced Editor but guess it didn't work just right. Anyhow, I fixed it quick. Thanks...now I must run to pick my mom up from the hairdresser. I'm the driver as my parents are 89, almost 90. Thanks for the great review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from pixiemillie
Ahhh now we are getting into the substance of your novel. Interesting you should start with the finding of the bodies in NM. Of course they weren't little girls but teenagers and women and the body count last I heard was 12- -. This story is off to a good start. Love Hanna- -sounds like a real comfort to Reilly and Macy. Now I'm thinkin' we'll get to see just what a 'man-eater defense lawyer' she is. So many times the PO is on trial for a shooting that more than likely was called for. We'll see as this unfolds.
thank you. Outside of the problems with the Spanish- -little bizarre marks- -this opened and flowed well to the suspenseful end- -always leave them wanting more.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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Ahhh now we are getting into the substance of your novel. Interesting you should start with the finding of the bodies in NM. Of course they weren't little girls but teenagers and women and the body count last I heard was 12- -. This story is off to a good start. Love Hanna- -sounds like a real comfort to Reilly and Macy. Now I'm thinkin' we'll get to see just what a 'man-eater defense lawyer' she is. So many times the PO is on trial for a shooting that more than likely was called for. We'll see as this unfolds.
thank you. Outside of the problems with the Spanish- -little bizarre marks- -this opened and flowed well to the suspenseful end- -always leave them wanting more.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2009
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Pixie
I think it's marvelous that you caught on to the fact that I used an actual news clipping. Wonders what the internet can provide you. I am so excited that you enjoyed the first chapter. I have been on pins and needles with this story. Thanks again for the wonderful encouragement. Smiles, Carol