Flash Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Buried At Sea"Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.
38 total reviews
Comment from Phil Kitom
Oh dear, I know someone who is going to be
extremely cross when he finds out what
she's done, and he will probably give
more than 200 expletives too.
Excellent entry Carol...
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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Oh dear, I know someone who is going to be
extremely cross when he finds out what
she's done, and he will probably give
more than 200 expletives too.
Excellent entry Carol...
Comment Written 22-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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Phil
He's lucky she didn't put him in the Porsche before it went over the cliff. Thanks for the review. Carol
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Indeed but then they would of suspected her of porsche-ing him off, wouldnt they? and they she would end up being the fall guy...
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Oh aren't we just marvelously witty tonight...Thanks for the laugh! Carol
Comment from Nanny 6
Good story. The ending of the story was uplifting as the cloud came from behind the clouds to signify a bright new future. good story, as always...Judy
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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Good story. The ending of the story was uplifting as the cloud came from behind the clouds to signify a bright new future. good story, as always...Judy
Comment Written 22-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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Judy
I needed a brighter ending after some onf the others. Glad you enjoyed. Carol
Comment from DeRoseJ
Nice entry. The mood was set and you even worked in a resolution. This should do well. I'd like to point out however, and it may just be a pet peeve of mine, that you used a ton of commas in this. I know we had to cut back on our sentences because of the word issue but some should be two, perhaps three seperate ideas. Good luck!
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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Nice entry. The mood was set and you even worked in a resolution. This should do well. I'd like to point out however, and it may just be a pet peeve of mine, that you used a ton of commas in this. I know we had to cut back on our sentences because of the word issue but some should be two, perhaps three seperate ideas. Good luck!
Comment Written 22-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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DeRose
I shall rethink some of the sentences as you suggested. Thanks for the kind review. Carol
Comment from lola29
Carol, you've written another fascinating story with a limited number of words. I always enjoy pausing in the scenes you paint so vividly with your skillful writing. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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Carol, you've written another fascinating story with a limited number of words. I always enjoy pausing in the scenes you paint so vividly with your skillful writing. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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Lola
You know exactly how to stroke my ego...vivid description is the heart of my soul. Thanks so much for your kind words.
Always, Carol
Comment from c_lucas
I'm sorry, but something is missing from this story. She has planned the perfect evening. I see no reason for her to drive the car over the cliff.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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I'm sorry, but something is missing from this story. She has planned the perfect evening. I see no reason for her to drive the car over the cliff.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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Charlie
The surprise was on her Charlie...he was in bed with someone else when she surprised him. Thus his belongings went off the cliff. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Carol
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You're welcome, Carol.
Comment from DrCarter2001
Good job in writing a complete story meeting the contest requirements. I feel like something's missing, though; we know he did something bad but are left wondering what. Does the golf cart have some significance? Her smile would tell us a little about her character, but to understand it more fully we should have a little more clue as to what happened.
This sentence borders on spag: "Leaning against the Porsche, its wheels teetering dangerously near the cliff's edge, Carrie struggled with her thoughts." Too many participles close together (leaning describes Carrie, teetering describes the wheels; it's just a little confusing to read). Otherwise you have some nice imagery.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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Good job in writing a complete story meeting the contest requirements. I feel like something's missing, though; we know he did something bad but are left wondering what. Does the golf cart have some significance? Her smile would tell us a little about her character, but to understand it more fully we should have a little more clue as to what happened.
This sentence borders on spag: "Leaning against the Porsche, its wheels teetering dangerously near the cliff's edge, Carrie struggled with her thoughts." Too many participles close together (leaning describes Carrie, teetering describes the wheels; it's just a little confusing to read). Otherwise you have some nice imagery.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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Dr. Carter He was in bed with someone else when she came home. The surprise was on her. Thanks for the review. Carol
Comment from despiser
Hi Begin
That's a strange contest? Good job telling the story... without actually telling it. Men can be such bastards (but wait, women too sometimes).
I suppose she walked back to the clubhouse to rent a cart. Also, an expensive way to get even
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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Hi Begin
That's a strange contest? Good job telling the story... without actually telling it. Men can be such bastards (but wait, women too sometimes).
I suppose she walked back to the clubhouse to rent a cart. Also, an expensive way to get even
Comment Written 22-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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despiser
She was rich and money didn't mean as much to her as finding a cheating husband. Thanks for the review. Carol
Comment from utopian_dream_x
This is a well written story. You've done well to fit those words into this short piece of writing. I like how you used the word 'steel' to describe the eyes of her lover. Great job. Best of luck in the contest!
utopian_dream_x
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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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This is a well written story. You've done well to fit those words into this short piece of writing. I like how you used the word 'steel' to describe the eyes of her lover. Great job. Best of luck in the contest!
utopian_dream_x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2009
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Utopian
Thank you so much for the kind review. I greatly appreciate it. Carol
