CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 105 "Morning Glory"A collection of poetry
48 total reviews
Comment from dportwood
I really like this trionnet. This is the first one I have seen and you have handled the poetic style especially well. Rhyme and meter very well done. Good luck in the contest.
Duane
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I really like this trionnet. This is the first one I have seen and you have handled the poetic style especially well. Rhyme and meter very well done. Good luck in the contest.
Duane
Comment Written 11-Jan-2009
Comment from davidray
Very nice job with the topic, sixteez. I laughed at your blizzard commant. We used to call our storms blizzards too until we moved up to the Arctic Circle. Wow is all Ican say.
Thanks for sharing and good luck! It was beautiful to read.
DR
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Very nice job with the topic, sixteez. I laughed at your blizzard commant. We used to call our storms blizzards too until we moved up to the Arctic Circle. Wow is all Ican say.
Thanks for sharing and good luck! It was beautiful to read.
DR
Comment Written 11-Jan-2009
Comment from Joan E.
A very different fourteen line poem, with the opposite kind of picture! My favorite phrase was "a blanket quilted flake by flake" with its delightful imagery. I also enjoyed the "marble" metaphor and the "cake" simile and your rhymes.
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A very different fourteen line poem, with the opposite kind of picture! My favorite phrase was "a blanket quilted flake by flake" with its delightful imagery. I also enjoyed the "marble" metaphor and the "cake" simile and your rhymes.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2009
Comment from Eternal Muse
Oh, what a beautiful Trilonnet. You handled this form marvelously well, and created a beautiful nature scene with your words. Loved your picture. Nothing to critique, you have done it! Thank you for this wonderful entry in the contest, I am very impressed.
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Oh, what a beautiful Trilonnet. You handled this form marvelously well, and created a beautiful nature scene with your words. Loved your picture. Nothing to critique, you have done it! Thank you for this wonderful entry in the contest, I am very impressed.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2009
Comment from steevie
I can picture myself plowing along on a snowmobile over the crest of that sunny, snow covered field, which is atop your poem.
your imagery is well defined and helps thr reader to get the full essence of your poem
well done, Skye
steve
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I can picture myself plowing along on a snowmobile over the crest of that sunny, snow covered field, which is atop your poem.
your imagery is well defined and helps thr reader to get the full essence of your poem
well done, Skye
steve
Comment Written 11-Jan-2009
Comment from Curt Mongold
I love the poem cuz, all the way to the last line. I see what you're trying to do, but it sounds more like anguish to me when I hear the phrase, "hear the children's cries."
I know you can figure out a way to make it sound right, so no suggestions from me. Or, you can leave it!
Hugs,
Cuzzin Curt
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2009
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I love the poem cuz, all the way to the last line. I see what you're trying to do, but it sounds more like anguish to me when I hear the phrase, "hear the children's cries."
I know you can figure out a way to make it sound right, so no suggestions from me. Or, you can leave it!
Hugs,
Cuzzin Curt
Comment Written 11-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2009
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Yeah....I knew someone would pick up on that!! Drats! Because I did when I wrote the blasted word. I thought the opening word of "playground" might make it work. Certainly going to think about it. Will let ya know. Thanks for your honest review and comments. Cuzzin Suz. HA!
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You should have known I wasn't going to let it go! LOL!
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Damn! Foiled again! Thought I could sneak that one under the table LOL!!!!
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Have a revisit. See if it's fit to be seen! HA!
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I knew you could do it cuz!
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Thanks for not allowing me to get away with it!!!
I owe ya, Cuz!
Comment from Judian James
I've never written one of these, but I like the form a lot!
This is quite excellent Sue and you know first-hand how I feel about winter, so what's not to love. excellent rhyme pattern and pacing. I loved it
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2009
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I've never written one of these, but I like the form a lot!
This is quite excellent Sue and you know first-hand how I feel about winter, so what's not to love. excellent rhyme pattern and pacing. I loved it
Comment Written 11-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2009
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Can you believe I wrote about a Winter Wonderland?!! HA! Last night, I looked outside and saw the snow glistening from the outdoor lights. It was beautiful. Thanks for your great review and compliments! Sue
Comment from Falafa
I felt the snow in this one! Great choice of words and the picture enhances that feeling. Your rhymes and rhythm make the image of snow drift throw the stanzas with the wind. Great job! Good luck in the contest.
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I felt the snow in this one! Great choice of words and the picture enhances that feeling. Your rhymes and rhythm make the image of snow drift throw the stanzas with the wind. Great job! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2009
Comment from Vallachi
Our winter's storm blew in last night
As snow fell down without a break
And wind that howled ~ a blizzard born
nice descriptive words
good structure and design
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Our winter's storm blew in last night
As snow fell down without a break
And wind that howled ~ a blizzard born
nice descriptive words
good structure and design
Comment Written 11-Jan-2009
Comment from Domino
Hi, Sue
I aasume you're goin for meter which is perfect except for one line; 'I woke up to a scene, so white' - this may be read in meter but maybe clearer emphasis is achieved by;
'Awaking to a scene so white'. It's also smoother when 2 or 3 syllable words are use, rather than lotsa 1 syllable 'snappy' ones, IMHO.
We always refer ta Mount Everest as 'Everest' so 'Matterhorn' theoretically should be the same, though somehow it appears not qhite right. Ta be on the safe side, if it worries you, why not change the whole line ta something like; 'From such a scene I'll ne'er be torn' for example. There's loadsa 'orn' rhymes ta chose from, and I just plucked this one out.
Overall, a beatifully constructed and powerful poem, adhering ta the rules perfectly. A PLEASURE ta read.
Best wishes, Ray xx
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2009
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Hi, Sue
I aasume you're goin for meter which is perfect except for one line; 'I woke up to a scene, so white' - this may be read in meter but maybe clearer emphasis is achieved by;
'Awaking to a scene so white'. It's also smoother when 2 or 3 syllable words are use, rather than lotsa 1 syllable 'snappy' ones, IMHO.
We always refer ta Mount Everest as 'Everest' so 'Matterhorn' theoretically should be the same, though somehow it appears not qhite right. Ta be on the safe side, if it worries you, why not change the whole line ta something like; 'From such a scene I'll ne'er be torn' for example. There's loadsa 'orn' rhymes ta chose from, and I just plucked this one out.
Overall, a beatifully constructed and powerful poem, adhering ta the rules perfectly. A PLEASURE ta read.
Best wishes, Ray xx
Comment Written 11-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2009
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Ray, I am so grateful for your guidance on this. I knew it had it's stick points. And you nailed the two that bothered me. Yes, I agree...the use of single syllable words makes it stacatto and you've just taught me something new! YAY!! Back to the drawing board on the "ORN"! I certainly appreciate your most honest review and will make corrections to deserve your 5! Big hugs...Sue
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Ok, "awaking to a scene so white" is PERFECT! Thank you! I also changed 3rd stanza. What do you think??
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Hi, Sue.
Trouble with trhe third stanza last line change is you've now lost the
'C' rhyme ('orn') Ray xx
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LOL!!! I fixed it...I think!! I hope it doesn't sound forced. Hoping for good imagery. Please be honest (although you might just leave it be, as it's wearing you out by now)!! HA!!!
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Just checked. Now you're rockin! xx
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Hand on my heart - thanks so much for making my poem be true!
Yours,
Sue