Dark Shadows
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Do You Believe?"A collection of short stories and flash fiction
32 total reviews
Comment from bloodyaurore
Heh heh heh. Nice little twist of expectations.
A few things:
"There was no grass, even it the dark that was apparent, only large clods of dirt and rock."
-'in the dark,' I think you mean.
"pajama?s" (in the beginning)
Just pajamas is proper, you don't need the apostrophe.
' ?Their out there. In the dark and cold,? he shivered as if he could still feel the bitter, cold night and shook his head.'
They're out there.
"dilapidated ruins left to whither and bury themselves" -I think wither is spelled without an H.
A highly entertaining story. The only thing I can think of is that the dialogue sounds more like vivid description (which is good in most circumstances) other than natural speech. But it is simply my preference.
Nice work.
-bloodyaurore
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2007
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Heh heh heh. Nice little twist of expectations.
A few things:
"There was no grass, even it the dark that was apparent, only large clods of dirt and rock."
-'in the dark,' I think you mean.
"pajama?s" (in the beginning)
Just pajamas is proper, you don't need the apostrophe.
' ?Their out there. In the dark and cold,? he shivered as if he could still feel the bitter, cold night and shook his head.'
They're out there.
"dilapidated ruins left to whither and bury themselves" -I think wither is spelled without an H.
A highly entertaining story. The only thing I can think of is that the dialogue sounds more like vivid description (which is good in most circumstances) other than natural speech. But it is simply my preference.
Nice work.
-bloodyaurore
Comment Written 19-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2007
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my story! I have gone in and made the suggested changes and fixed what needed fixed :-)
Comment from cheshire blue
I do not normally read horror stories or horror thrillers ( particularly after James Herbert Rats trilogy gave me nightmares as a young man)
I liked the presentation which was clear and concise.
I had not read any of the previous chapters so had a little trouble relating to it.
I thought your descriptions were excellent, forming a clear mental picture. I thought the story had good flow through out. I am still not sure about reading horror stories but appreciate the effort that has gone into this one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2007
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I do not normally read horror stories or horror thrillers ( particularly after James Herbert Rats trilogy gave me nightmares as a young man)
I liked the presentation which was clear and concise.
I had not read any of the previous chapters so had a little trouble relating to it.
I thought your descriptions were excellent, forming a clear mental picture. I thought the story had good flow through out. I am still not sure about reading horror stories but appreciate the effort that has gone into this one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2007
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I'm glad that you enjoyed it especially seeing as this is not your normal type of read. The chapters before are simply other short works I have compiled and really have no bearing on this chapter. Perhaps in time, your view of the horror story will change. I know I find the thrill to be exciting :-D
