Haiku-dark tumbling through dark
Haiku39 total reviews
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
Your descriptions in this poem are wonderful. I especially like you calling it a dervishing vortex. Tornados scare me more than any other storm and I hope to never come in contact with one! Good luck in the Haiku contest.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2024
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Your descriptions in this poem are wonderful. I especially like you calling it a dervishing vortex. Tornados scare me more than any other storm and I hope to never come in contact with one! Good luck in the Haiku contest.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2024
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Hello Marilyn. Thanks so much for your wonderful review. It's so appreciated!
Melissa
Comment from Begin Again
I've watch a tornado approach and how the sky turns colors, but like a rainbow turned inside out...all the colors go from light green to soupy peas, and then as it touches the ground and does its whirling dance, everything is dark and dirty... tossing everything in its path into the sky..Your words describe it perfectly.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2024
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I've watch a tornado approach and how the sky turns colors, but like a rainbow turned inside out...all the colors go from light green to soupy peas, and then as it touches the ground and does its whirling dance, everything is dark and dirty... tossing everything in its path into the sky..Your words describe it perfectly.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2024
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Hello Carol... Thanks so much for your wonderful review. It's so appreciated!
Melissa
Comment from Tom Horonzy
The power in a tornado is fascinating, and concluded a hurricane is a really, big, big tornado that if it could condense it coe could wipe ut the world. I was a weather-guessers for ten years in the Navy.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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The power in a tornado is fascinating, and concluded a hurricane is a really, big, big tornado that if it could condense it coe could wipe ut the world. I was a weather-guessers for ten years in the Navy.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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Thanks Tom. I always enjoy getting your take on the weather aspects of my verses. Much appreciated!
Melissa
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A great Haiku on a tornado, and how it would appear at night, or even in a very overcast sky. Black death in the black of night. I also like the way you compare its motion to the dervish.
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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A great Haiku on a tornado, and how it would appear at night, or even in a very overcast sky. Black death in the black of night. I also like the way you compare its motion to the dervish.
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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Thanks so much Rhonda.
Melissa
Comment from Rachelle Allen
This is EXACTLY right! When I was leaving college in Hastings, Nebraska, after I graduated, I was being driven to the airport by two friends. They kept looking at the sky and talking about the "peaks" and decided, finally, that we needed to GET OUT OF THE CAR AND LIE IN THE DITCHES ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD MADE EXPRESSLY FOR THAT PURPOSE!!!! Me, Miss Quintessential NY'er, was like, "Huh? Lie in a DITCH? ON THE SIDE SIDE OF THE ROAD??? WHAAAAAAT?!" And then we saw the "vortex," as you aptly described it here, land a couple towns over (because Nebraska is so FLAT and unoccupied that it's completely possible to do that!), and all I could think the entire time was, "Oy! If I die here in this ditch on the side of the road, my parents are going to be SO MAD AT ME, because they'll have spent all this money on my education, and I won't have used even one day of it!"
Your description of "dark tumbling through dark" was also perfection. I could not BELIEVE the color the sky became. First, a weird yellowish-grey, then black-gray. Terrifying.
Great job with this haiku. xoxox
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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This is EXACTLY right! When I was leaving college in Hastings, Nebraska, after I graduated, I was being driven to the airport by two friends. They kept looking at the sky and talking about the "peaks" and decided, finally, that we needed to GET OUT OF THE CAR AND LIE IN THE DITCHES ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD MADE EXPRESSLY FOR THAT PURPOSE!!!! Me, Miss Quintessential NY'er, was like, "Huh? Lie in a DITCH? ON THE SIDE SIDE OF THE ROAD??? WHAAAAAAT?!" And then we saw the "vortex," as you aptly described it here, land a couple towns over (because Nebraska is so FLAT and unoccupied that it's completely possible to do that!), and all I could think the entire time was, "Oy! If I die here in this ditch on the side of the road, my parents are going to be SO MAD AT ME, because they'll have spent all this money on my education, and I won't have used even one day of it!"
Your description of "dark tumbling through dark" was also perfection. I could not BELIEVE the color the sky became. First, a weird yellowish-grey, then black-gray. Terrifying.
Great job with this haiku. xoxox
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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Oh, Rachelle!!! I so know what you mean. I had a tornado coming at me... years ago and it is frightening. Thanks for telling me of your horrific encounter with a dark vortex!! Also, thanks for the great review!
Melissa
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My pleasure!
Comment from June Sargent
Very clever wordplay to highlight the whirling winds that resemble a frantic dance! This is a great entry with strong imagery, Melissa. Well done! Even the font is perfect.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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Very clever wordplay to highlight the whirling winds that resemble a frantic dance! This is a great entry with strong imagery, Melissa. Well done! Even the font is perfect.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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Thanks so much, dear June. Years ago, I was facing down a tornado until it veered away. I have ultimate respect for those vortexes. I really appreciate your comments.
Melissa
Comment from Mark D. R.
Melissa,
A most descriptive Haiku for describing a twister or tornado - fantastic illustration!
I had to check 'dervishing' as a real word. My dictionary did not find it but it made complete sense in your poem. Consider replacing with " dervishes' " with the same syllable count.
Mark
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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Melissa,
A most descriptive Haiku for describing a twister or tornado - fantastic illustration!
I had to check 'dervishing' as a real word. My dictionary did not find it but it made complete sense in your poem. Consider replacing with " dervishes' " with the same syllable count.
Mark
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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Thanks for the suggestion, Mark.. but don't you just love the thought of a tornado Dervishing???? Haha. I did do some research but thought I would go with this slant.,... making it into a verb... So appreciate your comments!!!!
Melissa
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M
I think it should be a verb. It is most descriptive if it was!
M
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after thinking about it... words with ing are gerunds and are usually descriptive... hence Dervishing is really an adjective ~ don't you think, Mark?
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agreed - in your poem, it is an adjective
if you start using it regularly, maybe you will get a future entry in the dictionary LOL
there are great clips of the whirling dervishes in their dance mode - the Shakers had their dance moves choreographed too, but only in photographs and not to my knowledge in film
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Great artwork and nice presentation, Melissa.
-A well written haiku about it.
-Your note is also appreciated.
-You create a vivid word picture of the
motion and the sky.
-A good satori line, as well.
-Good luck in the contest.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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-Great artwork and nice presentation, Melissa.
-A well written haiku about it.
-Your note is also appreciated.
-You create a vivid word picture of the
motion and the sky.
-A good satori line, as well.
-Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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Hi Pam. Thanks bunches. The phrase... dark tumbling through dark... just popped up and I ran with it... so fun. Much appreciated!
Melissa
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You are very welcome, Melissa. Sometimes those things make the best poems!
Comment from Bill Schott
This haiku, Dark Tumbling Through Dark, has the proper formatting and pulls the readers into the astronomical whirlwind which opaques the world while the demolition is upon the world visited.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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This haiku, Dark Tumbling Through Dark, has the proper formatting and pulls the readers into the astronomical whirlwind which opaques the world while the demolition is upon the world visited.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2024
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Thanks so much Bill!!
Melissa