The Smart Intruder
Art by granddaughter, Kenzie Jo35 total reviews
Comment from Lea Tonin1
That's the creepy, suspenseful story. That's why I'm make a nurse. Jump up at a loud Bang or a quick movement.
That would be a freaky freaky way to spend the evening. Yes, indeed, I'm glad it turned out OK.
Good idea, great time to have it and release it. I see, no issues with esthetics, sentence structure, spelling, grammar, word, choice, or subject matter. You have covered all the basis and produced something fun to read. Thank you for that. Best of luck to you have a great night!
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
  |
That's the creepy, suspenseful story. That's why I'm make a nurse. Jump up at a loud Bang or a quick movement.
That would be a freaky freaky way to spend the evening. Yes, indeed, I'm glad it turned out OK.
Good idea, great time to have it and release it. I see, no issues with esthetics, sentence structure, spelling, grammar, word, choice, or subject matter. You have covered all the basis and produced something fun to read. Thank you for that. Best of luck to you have a great night!
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Hi Lea, I thank you so much. This gave me the chance to use some of Kenzie's darker art pieces. Yes, a little non-fiction combined with fiction, but I am used to usually only writing non-fiction, so I am glad you liked it.
I made up all the stuff about landlines having those functions, so I hope nobody took that serious and goes looking for one that's like a smartphone. Lol.
Thanks again, my dear friend.
-
Anytime and while deserves was a great submission!
Comment from Lea Tonin1
That's the creepy, suspenseful story. That's why I'm make a nurse. Jump up at a loud Bang or a quick movement.
That would be a freaky freaky way to spend the evening. Yes, indeed, I'm glad it turned out OK.
Good idea, great time to have it and release it. I see, no issues with esthetics, sentence structure, spelling, grammar, word, choice, or subject matter. You have covered all the basis and produced something fun to read. Thank you for that. Best of luck to you have a great night!
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
|
That's the creepy, suspenseful story. That's why I'm make a nurse. Jump up at a loud Bang or a quick movement.
That would be a freaky freaky way to spend the evening. Yes, indeed, I'm glad it turned out OK.
Good idea, great time to have it and release it. I see, no issues with esthetics, sentence structure, spelling, grammar, word, choice, or subject matter. You have covered all the basis and produced something fun to read. Thank you for that. Best of luck to you have a great night!
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Double- already answered.
Comment from gramalot8
Your story sounded so real like it was really happening! I loved how it kept us wondering what would she'd experience next. Great explanations from her son... but things still kept happening ... what should she do... good question...so why not just... DANCE??? What a very unexpected ending! Love it
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
|
Your story sounded so real like it was really happening! I loved how it kept us wondering what would she'd experience next. Great explanations from her son... but things still kept happening ... what should she do... good question...so why not just... DANCE??? What a very unexpected ending! Love it
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Hi there gramalot. I thank you so much for the kind review and comments.. This gave me the chance to use some of Kenzie's darker art pieces. Yes, a little non-fiction combined with fiction, but I am used to usually only writing non-fiction, so I am glad you liked it.
I made up all the stuff about landlines having those functions, so I hope nobody took that serious and goes looking for one that's like a smartphone. Lol.
Thanks again, my sweet friend.
Comment from royowen
I had to check the heading and discovered it was a fictional wrote, it almost sounded like it actually happened. You are a versatile writer dear friend Debi, I love this entry in this Halloween contest, good luck, Debi, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
|
I had to check the heading and discovered it was a fictional wrote, it almost sounded like it actually happened. You are a versatile writer dear friend Debi, I love this entry in this Halloween contest, good luck, Debi, blessings Roy
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Awe Roy, I thank you so much. This was one of the nicest reviews I have had in a long time, so I had to copy it and put it in my "ROY" folder in Notes. (Yes, you have your own folder)
This gave me the chance to use some of Kenzie's darker art pieces. Yes, a little non-fiction combined with fiction, but I am used to usually only writing non-fiction, so I am glad you liked it.
I made up all the stuff about landlines having those functions, so I hope nobody took that serious and goes looking for one that's like a smartphone. Lol.
-
Well done
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Hi Debbie, what an unexpected ending;"He had barely driven away when the phone rang again. I thought to myself, I bet it is Jason checking to make sure I am okay here by myself for the night..... "Hello, Hello!" Suddenly, the skull lit up and I saw fire coming out of the eyes. This time, there was someone or something on the other end. "ROAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!" I slammed the receiver down and instead of stopping, it rang, hissed and growled, as spooky music started to play. Chills ran up and down my spine and I didn't know what to do...............So I danced.". Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest and with your writings.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
|
Hi Debbie, what an unexpected ending;"He had barely driven away when the phone rang again. I thought to myself, I bet it is Jason checking to make sure I am okay here by myself for the night..... "Hello, Hello!" Suddenly, the skull lit up and I saw fire coming out of the eyes. This time, there was someone or something on the other end. "ROAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!" I slammed the receiver down and instead of stopping, it rang, hissed and growled, as spooky music started to play. Chills ran up and down my spine and I didn't know what to do...............So I danced.". Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest and with your writings.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
-
Thanks Iza, l appreciate you reading my silly story. I love my granddaughters art, but some of its kinda dark so Halloween is a good time to use serve of it.
Thanks again, my sweet friend.
