Emotional Trigger
A personal revelation47 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Ah...yes, there's always room for improvement for all of us. I think clear and honest conversation can help relationships. I'm working on it too. I usually think about the perfect words way after the conversation is done... so I'm working on timing and finding the right words.
I wonder if saying "stop" alone may be a little harsh. Maybe adding 'please' would be more effective. But you know best.
Well done, Jesse (*รท*)
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Ah...yes, there's always room for improvement for all of us. I think clear and honest conversation can help relationships. I'm working on it too. I usually think about the perfect words way after the conversation is done... so I'm working on timing and finding the right words.
I wonder if saying "stop" alone may be a little harsh. Maybe adding 'please' would be more effective. But you know best.
Well done, Jesse (*รท*)
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Hello, my friend.
Using stop as the ice breaker will hopefully end the rant and then I can explain to her with rapt attention that she is triggering me emotionally. That is my plan anyway. Please will come naturally when the conversation asks for it.
Hugs for Gypsy!
Jesse
Comment from aryr
I want to thank you on your success, Jesse. You are correct that there is still room for improvement in your life. Working to do better is a full-time job. I am so glad had a talk with Grace and sorted things out. Very well done and greatly enjoyed. Blessings n Peace!!!
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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I want to thank you on your success, Jesse. You are correct that there is still room for improvement in your life. Working to do better is a full-time job. I am so glad had a talk with Grace and sorted things out. Very well done and greatly enjoyed. Blessings n Peace!!!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Thanks for your positive feedback. I want to ask you, what is the picture of in your bio? It looks like a corner section of a building of some sort. Is that where you live?
May peace be with you.
Jesse
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You are very welcome, Jesse. It's my old rig-yellow flames on a red rig. I gave it all up when I divorced in March of this year.
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Now, I can see it. It must have great significance since after your divorce.
Thanks for sharing.
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Times go on!
Comment from Wendy G
We all need much wisdom in such situations. The goal would be for both people to feel better, and sometimes people just want and need a listening ear, rather than helpful or unhelpful advice. At times a little humour can turn a situation around from negative to positive. Best wishes for your resolve to work on your relationships with caregivers so they are positive and professional experiences for both of you.
Wendy
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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We all need much wisdom in such situations. The goal would be for both people to feel better, and sometimes people just want and need a listening ear, rather than helpful or unhelpful advice. At times a little humour can turn a situation around from negative to positive. Best wishes for your resolve to work on your relationships with caregivers so they are positive and professional experiences for both of you.
Wendy
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Wendy, for your suggestions. I am not my caregiver's therapist and they come to take care of me not vice-versa. So, I like my approach to the situation, thank you very much. Humor will come eventually after the boundaries are set.
Have a good day.
Jesse
Comment from Sarah Robin
I believe you have an answer here! When someone starts telling me their troubles, I begin to feel their pain. When I am with happy people, my pain lessens. Let me know how it works for you. Take care of yourself. Sarah
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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I believe you have an answer here! When someone starts telling me their troubles, I begin to feel their pain. When I am with happy people, my pain lessens. Let me know how it works for you. Take care of yourself. Sarah
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Sarah, for the six stars and the positive reinforcement. Considering my pain level they need to take care of me not vice versa. Happy people beget happy clients. Have a wonderful day!
Jesse
Comment from jim vecchio
That was a great final line, definitely transforming a rant into a revelation. Reliant on certain care givers myself, I identify with what you have gone through. I figure if a person wants to care for another as a means of living, then that person has no right to intrude upon the one he/she is dedicated to help with any of their own personal problems. For awhile, in my assisted living facility, I had an infection r1quiring me to remain in my room. Staff brought my food to me. One of them trembled and said she had young ones at home and was afraid to be here. This always causes me to think, "Why are you doing this job, then?"
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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That was a great final line, definitely transforming a rant into a revelation. Reliant on certain care givers myself, I identify with what you have gone through. I figure if a person wants to care for another as a means of living, then that person has no right to intrude upon the one he/she is dedicated to help with any of their own personal problems. For awhile, in my assisted living facility, I had an infection r1quiring me to remain in my room. Staff brought my food to me. One of them trembled and said she had young ones at home and was afraid to be here. This always causes me to think, "Why are you doing this job, then?"
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Jim, for your positive feedback. I agree. Why do they do their job if they are unhappy in their work? Good question.
Thanks for seeing my post as a revelation rather than a rant. I appreciate you sharing your story with me. I'm glad this post resonates with you.
Have a great week.
Jesse
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Thanks for writing and I wish you many blessings!
Comment from LJbutterfly
Bravo! Bravo! You have made a wise decision.
I retired from the Veterans Administration where I counseled vets returning from Viet Nam. I was also Women Veterans Coordinator, and heard stories so sad I would go home and cry and couldn't sleep at night. A VA psychologist told me I worked in a position where people would "dump" their problems on me, which made THEM feel better, but damaged me emotionally.
This is what could happen if your caregiver continues to present you with her problems. You are very wise to not allow anyone's negative spirit to prevent you from feeling your very best. Again, Bravo to you.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Bravo! Bravo! You have made a wise decision.
I retired from the Veterans Administration where I counseled vets returning from Viet Nam. I was also Women Veterans Coordinator, and heard stories so sad I would go home and cry and couldn't sleep at night. A VA psychologist told me I worked in a position where people would "dump" their problems on me, which made THEM feel better, but damaged me emotionally.
This is what could happen if your caregiver continues to present you with her problems. You are very wise to not allow anyone's negative spirit to prevent you from feeling your very best. Again, Bravo to you.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Yep, it sounds, from your story, that you can relate to being dumped on. It damages us emotionally and is wrong.
Thanks for supporting my position.
I appreciate your positive feedback.
Have a wonderful upcoming week.
Jesse
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Working to do better is a full-time job for all of us. I enjoyed reading and do understand. I struggle saying 'no' when I should. I get myself a very busy schedule, when it shouldn't be. I continue to pray for you.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Working to do better is a full-time job for all of us. I enjoyed reading and do understand. I struggle saying 'no' when I should. I get myself a very busy schedule, when it shouldn't be. I continue to pray for you.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Barbara, for this supportive and insightful review. I appreciate you sharing and giving me positive reinforcement.
Thanks for your prayers.
Jesse
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Dear Jesse, I don't know how I managed to miss reviewing this fine post because I read it but then must have got side-tracked. My first thought was that you should have entered it for the STOP contest. I was really impressed by the way you dealt with this issue and I can understand how you felt, having her stress unloaded on to you. That's not her job and it's so important that she learns to be more professional. But it's more than that, as I think I can understand. Your emotional well-being is very important and, if you're like me, you may well be extremely sensitive when you're in pain and discomfort. It's as if you just want life to be as uncomplicated as possible until you're in a position to handle things again. You simply don't (and shouldn't) have the room to accommodate others' woes. Maybe at another time, but not now? Your story vividly expressed this very relatable emotional trigger and I'm delighted you had the confidence and nous to address it clearly and to good effect. Thanks for sharing. Debbie
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Dear Jesse, I don't know how I managed to miss reviewing this fine post because I read it but then must have got side-tracked. My first thought was that you should have entered it for the STOP contest. I was really impressed by the way you dealt with this issue and I can understand how you felt, having her stress unloaded on to you. That's not her job and it's so important that she learns to be more professional. But it's more than that, as I think I can understand. Your emotional well-being is very important and, if you're like me, you may well be extremely sensitive when you're in pain and discomfort. It's as if you just want life to be as uncomplicated as possible until you're in a position to handle things again. You simply don't (and shouldn't) have the room to accommodate others' woes. Maybe at another time, but not now? Your story vividly expressed this very relatable emotional trigger and I'm delighted you had the confidence and nous to address it clearly and to good effect. Thanks for sharing. Debbie
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Debbie, for your honest and supportive review. I agree with you that it is not the right time while I am in pain and discomfort. Yet, when you think of it, there is no time that is acceptable to dump your troubles on a client when you are a caregiver or other professional health worker.
Thanks for your positive feedback.
Have a wonderful upcoming week!
Jesse
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You're right, Jesse. I thought about it after I'd replied and this is the one situation you would expect to have a sounding board/help for any concerns you have. It's sometimes difficult, when you've been used to giving back in a relationship to stop and simply receive. It's totally unfair to have this person now burden you with their worries. In fact it's out of order. Stay strong.
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Thanks, I will stay strong.
Comment from Michele Harber
Yes, Grace is a person too but, as she is the caregiver and you the patient, she had no right to put her troubles ahead of yours, especially if doing so upset you. Good for you standing up for yourself while recognizing your trigger points and how to avoid them. I love that you managed to hold onto your optimism. I hope things continue to improve.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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Yes, Grace is a person too but, as she is the caregiver and you the patient, she had no right to put her troubles ahead of yours, especially if doing so upset you. Good for you standing up for yourself while recognizing your trigger points and how to avoid them. I love that you managed to hold onto your optimism. I hope things continue to improve.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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Good morning, Michele.
Thanks for your insightful and positive review. You said it best as she had no right to put her troubles ahead of mine.
I appreciate your support as I go through my day setting boundaries left and right.
Trigger points and how to avoid them is what this post is all about.
Things are getting better and I hope they continue to improve.
Enjoy your upcoming week!
Jesse
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Hi, Jesse. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond, but I just got back from my trip today and am happy to say I had a wonderful time!
I'm fully aware of trigger points. My daughter who, as you know, has several emotional issues, is also currently learning how to recognize and avoid her trigger points. I'm happy to say she's doing very well. We went through several years of setting off meltdowns without even knowing how but, now that she's recognizing her trigger points, she's alerting my husband and me to them so we can avoid them. We're all getting along so much better now, and we were so thrilled to have her on vacation with us, and with no meltdowns whatsoever.
All of this is my very long-winded way of saying I understand, from a personal basis, what trigger points are, and the importance of recognizing and avoiding them. Congratulations on the progress you've made, and the fact that it's improving your life.
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Hello Michele!
Welcome back from your trip.
I'm glad you had a wonderful time.
Thanks for sharing about the importance of trigger points in your personal life. We both understand boundaries, and we have come a long way in recognizing emotional triggers and how to avoid them.
Yay for our progress in accepting our situations and improving them!
Jesse
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Absolutely!!! And thanks for the very nice welcome back.
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You're always welcome, my friend.
Comment from BethShelby
This post is interesting. I've never thought of it that way and it is likely the ones who do it aren't realizing they are making the situation worse for you. We all have those moments when we want to have someone listen to our woes. But dumping on someone else, and especially someone who may be in pain, isn't a good idea. I guess we need to pay a counselor if we need express our negative feeling. Maybe just writing them down would rid us of the need to vent.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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This post is interesting. I've never thought of it that way and it is likely the ones who do it aren't realizing they are making the situation worse for you. We all have those moments when we want to have someone listen to our woes. But dumping on someone else, and especially someone who may be in pain, isn't a good idea. I guess we need to pay a counselor if we need express our negative feeling. Maybe just writing them down would rid us of the need to vent.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2023
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Yes, you've come up with some good tools in order to vent with yourself instead of dumping on someone who you care for.
Journaling is a good idea as well as talking to a professional therapist.
Thanks for the positive ways to help in both your and my situations.
Jesse